12/30/2008 - From East to West

I made it back from Shanghai last night and finally got a chance to write down my reflections. I probably could of written on the plane since the memory was fresher to me back then. But I had to force myself to sleep so I can adjust my body clock back to the way it was. Upon my return back, I realize that I am very glad that I took this trip to Shanghai. Many things happen that I didn't get a chance to log, but I hope I remember them forever. There are some things that are worth to mention though. The last day before my return home, I had lunch with my step-dad at an international buffet his friend manages. Apparently it is pretty famous among China major cities and I could easily see why. This was not your ordinary buffet. It had all sorts of food with its focus on seafood from all the major countries that we identify with. They were well prepared with the fresh ingredients and above average flavoring that you would not expect from a buffet. Some of the example dishes included fresh cut sushi, shark fin soup, giant king crab from coast of Japan, assortment of Indian dish, an extensive dessert bar, and much more. The staff for the place was about 300 people according to the head captain. That was one meal worth remembering and of course our 3 hours lunch-to-dinner may broke the buffet sitting record. Latter that day, my dad and his friend insisted on taking me to a spa that they claim to be an experience worth having while in China. I was not sure what to expect, but apparently this is pretty prevalent across Asia and of course China has its own rendition. The spa offers many a la cart spa services and the bracelet you wear help you track which you purchase. You pay an entrance fee that includes the right to eat at the all you can eat buffet. Instead I started by going to get a table massage and a salt scrub that exfoliated my skin. They kept the salt on my skin and ask me to go to a toaster like heater that dries the salt onto the skin. Essentially the residue from the salt scrub is on your skin for about 5 minutes and then they ask me to rinse off the salt with a warm shower. Afterwards, they instructed me to sit in the hot tub that surprised me with fish swimming in them. Apparently the idea is that the fish would eat off the bad skin or any residue and by doing so would improve your skin. I've heard this before but never experience it until now. It tickles and extremely relaxing at the same time. Amazing how the fish can stay in a hot spa for so long. That was just the introduction. Then we had to leave the spa because they also offered a show that you have the option to attend. I must say the show was really good as well. The have performances that were equivalent to cirque du soleil and singer that were way above your typical stage singers. They packed the two hours show with none stop acts that you would have to pay well over $100 for here in the states. After the show, we went up to the next floor where they offer massage and a sleep room where you have the option to rest overnight with you own TV and butler upon request. Food can be order anytime. I decided to get another massage that lasted 90 minutes. Rested on my personal couch, watch a little TV, while I wait for my dad to complete his treatment or using fire bottles. We didn't stay overnight since I have a plane to catch the next morning, but I left that evening extremely relaxed and wondering why we don't have one at the states.

One of the last memorable moments before I left Shanghai was right before I arrive at the airport. My dad decided to accompany me to the airport and he decides to buy me a bag of tiny orange that were about the size of three grapes. They were extremely sweet and he peeled it for me before when I went to his house. He liked them and he figure I would need the oranges for the long plane ride back. Actually that touched me greatly, because as I mentioned before he is not a wealthy man and he struggles month to month I'm sure. I offered each time to pay for things and yet he refused even though he knew that I have enough to take care of all that is need for him and I. I know about his string of bad luck with the restaurant business and of course other financial troubles that he got himself into. Aside from all those shortcomings that he needed to deal with, during this trip he paid for the 3 hour massage at his place, the drivers that took me to places, the fabulous buffet lunch, bought me a wallet, gave me a note book, treated me to the most amazing spa experience, and made the time to stop by the market to buy me this bag of oranges that he knew I liked. I had a lump in my throat when he gave the oranges to me. He did something that I usually don't expect from a man let along an Asian man. He peeled the oranges for me the other day while I was at his place. That says a lot since in Asia being the most male dominant society you can find. To have him do what he did showed tremendous amount of love and set aside the status quo that often many people would not do. He did not have much, but while I was there he gave what he could. I had never found fruit to be that precious before. Sadly I had to eat them all before I got back to the states, but I wished I would of brought them back with me.

To look back, I think the most rewarding and blessing thing about this trip was the time I spent with my step-dad. To be honest I didn't really know what I would expect before this trip began. I was concerned I would be somehow be sad or disappointed. But instead I left Shanghai moved and fortunate to be able to do what I did and be able to spend time the holidays with him. Life brings you unexpected moments that sometime accompany with heart ache and if you are lucky sometime life give you oranges.

11/28/2008 - Chinese Mcdonald's

It is raining here this morning. I just step into a resting stop area to avoid the rain and hopefully get dry before I head out again. Despite the rainfall the people's square is packed with people. Hard to imagine there is any downturn in global economy if you were here right now. But this cafe I just got to is ingenious. It is a fast food joint for all the common dishes of the Asian decent. I just tried a cup of corn milk drink. Not sure if I like it or not, but the other stuff are things that I would ordinarily crave for but I have to sit down for an hour to eat. Things such as the different deserts that you would may get after a banquet meal, there were hearty dishes like the glazed beef over rice, and the wonderful assortment of noodle soups when the weather is cold like today. The states can use something like this. Pretty this is like a McDonald's of China. Dfjb.com.cn is their website for future reference of locations. The shrimp noodle gravy looks so good, but I have to meet my dad for Japanese food in about an hour.

12/27/2008 - 2 days of reflection

Finally got a chance to write after my flight to Shanghai. Current location is on a train ride from Shanghai South train station to Hangzhou. So since I've landed it has been a none-stop 2 days. It is filled will many different emotion. Some are preconception of what coming to this place is like and also the thought of finally meeting my dad after 10 plus years later. To know what to comment is difficult since I wish I started to type my thought when I had them. It is funny how emotionally energized I get at that moment in time and then I the thought would escape me a few hours later. But I will try to reflect on what has happen so far. To begin, my step-dad picked me up from the airport. We didn't find each other until 40 minutes after I clear custom. Apparently a whole village of Chinese people were waiting outside holding signs and have the eyes starring at each person coming through the door. It is funny how everyone looks the same. Plus I did not recognize him right away since it has been so long since I've seen him and nor he recognize me for obvious reasons. Finally I found him because he apparently like to standout from everyone else by wearing a brown leather jacket. At first sight, I was amazed and shocking how a person ages after so many years. Before he illustrated confidence and a sense of know how when I am around him. Now I can see that the passing of time reflected on his physical appearance. His past struggles showed in his hunched over stature, the growing wrinkles on his face, and the bags below his sagging eyes. To be honest and a bit morbid, I was glad that I got to see him because I can literally see the dying of a man. Since there is no way of putting it so that I can avoid being disrespectful I should just say that the man is this way because he spent nights of staying up playing Mah Jong or poker, hustle to make a living in the restaurant business and his continuous desire to be a friend to everyone are the catalyst that took a chunk of life away from him. But that same fault can in a way be a person's valor. One thing that never changed is my step dad's ability to make friends with everyone wherever he goes. But I can tell from the hustle of Shanghai, he's become less friendly. Nevertheless, he seems to know more friends than you can fill an entire Rolodex. He always surrounded himself with people and the time that I spent with his showed me his popularity is mainly due to his innocent belief in brotherhood and friendship. That innocence has hurt his as well. I just hope that he learn from history that a friend is not too far away from an enemy. The difference is that when life throws you a rotten egg, they are there to help you wipe your face.

I can't help but to feel sorry for him. Because I feel that the people who I care about should always deserve a better life. I feel it is foremost their responsibility to maximize their potential and second my desire that they deserve to get more of what they have now. Then on the other hand, everyone needs to make their own story of their life and who am I to judge. So far the time that I spend with him I can tell he continue to manage his daily chaotic life while still present himself to me as the man (dad) that he once was. Life is not easy for him, but like a father he present the best of him to me while I am here. For that I am grateful and honor for him to given me what he has and more so I feel lucky just to be able to see him. Aside from that, I hope he understands that by me coming over to visit him was just a reminder to him that the world is not that alone and tough. Sometime maybe we don't get everything we wanted, but sometime what we got was what we are supposed to work with. Well there are many more things that can be comment on this. One thing I wish that could of happened is for E to visit his dad. I already know the sense of resentment and anger that's in him, but at some point he needs to make peace with it. We all get our share of unfairness, even those people who done the deed to us that we still have the scares for also at one point got their share. Maybe life is about putting away things than to always look to take things from life.

So here are my comments about Shanghai, China so far since I've been here for the past 48 hours. I have this analogy. I see this place as young man that still needs to find its identity. He accomplished a great deal, learned a lot from different people, and yet try to hold on to it roots. This "fusion effect" that people are seeing is really a residue of trying to seek to a better future while have the knowledge it will need to maintain its history. In doing so conflict occurs between the east and the west from the north to the south. Other countries are critical of the booming nation. From my observation of other people, such hostility is also brewing between the Chinese and other Asians. One common things that I hear people who been to China claim its people are uncivilized. Well they can be right or they can look at once they were views as uncivilized when their forefathers came to seek a better future and to a claim a part of the new found land. With that said, I had more than once said to myself that people are so rude. I am a byproduct of how I am raised by my mom and my environment. A person can struggle for years to shave away their old habits, lets imagine how to do that with a few billion people. This place right now reminds me a lot of Japan of the old. It is learning a balancing act. While prosperous for the past decade, it will encounter its roadblocks. It also has its critics expecting an expedience transformation with their bias opinion of how China should do it. With that said, everyone will continue to have their opinion about China. You love it or you hate it. But I think don't expect to have that same opinion 5 years later. The one thing that this place has going for itself is the uncertainty in what the change will led them to.

A quick comment on other things I saw. Actually these are thoughts more than facts. I am done with shaw long bao. Both days I had the local bun as a part of my daily meal. It is good, but its heaviness just too much for me. The texture of the skin is what makes it so tasty. Food here is relatively cheap it you eat local food. On the other hand, nothing is missed here as all the western products and services got imported to this place. I went to a wine bar on my first night and I felt like I was in NY or SF. They had all sorts of martini and even some that I have never heard before. It is very NY, but yet added other additions to the menu and decor. Imagine the fusion pagoda design with the western vibe. The only difference is that the table next to us was a couple making out will full on tongue action. Something like that you would not see in a lounge. Of course aside from food and drink, a person need to experience some further pampering. Last night my dad offered to pay for a massage that last for 3 whole hours. It was a Chinese massage where they apply heavy pressure on your entire body. My god that was amazing. Super cheap since I didn't have to pay for it. But from what I understand the amount is 1/3 of what the tourist would pay. I got done by 2:30 AM while my dad and his friend played poker in the other room. I felt super relaxed afterward. Half asleep, my dad called me a cab that drove back to my hotel and needless to say, I had a good night sleep last night. Only in China can this happen.

Finally I am getting to what I am doing now. I got up at 7:30 this morning and making my one and a half hour train ride. So far my train ride has gone through the countryside. It's vast amount of farmland, bicycles, trucks, and cell phones. I just saw a farmer working in the rice field while talking on his phone that probably has more interactive feature than my cell phone back home.

****

Right now awaiting my train back to Shanghai. I decided to take a break and make some time for dinner here in Hangzhou. First time ever I had to write in a restaurant while waiting for my dinner to arrive. The chef use to work at the Marriott, maybe he thinks I am a food critic. My god I amuse myself. Anyways, this afternoon's experience as it turns out left me with mix feeling about this place and my previous view about how much China has changed over the years. Needless to say when I first got to my destination I was a little fluster of all the activities within the train station. Countless vendors will offer you every possible gimmick and deals to make your trip to the West Lake that much more special. I probably took a good 15 minutes to get myself situated and get my mind to understand where am I or what my plan of action is. I notice here you have to plan before you venture out to your intended destination. Because every turn bring you to another location that just so much alike the one you just passed 10 minutes ago. Of course everyone look the same. Well I digress a little. I finally found out that I had to get on the K7 train. Obviously, me looking like a tourist (plus carrying a tourist book does not help) I attracted more attention then I would like. Well one old lady approached me and told me the train to get on and also advised that I get the exact change. She offered the location to get change and also some suggestion on the location to stop at. The reason is because West Lake is huge. The nice old lady asked about me and shared a little bit of who she is. She advised where to look and finally offered the best place to stop first as well as which connection (K27) to take to my final destination. I went along with it since what can a nice old lady do right? Did I mention she had a kicking breath that needed a whole pack of "Tick Taks". A way to improve a country's tourist industry, make sure your countrymen have fresh breath. Through our trip she suggested a stop and then suggest another stop. Her killer breathe distracted my attention to understand which stop she meant. Finally she said she will get off at the same destination and then guided me to get on K27. She did not get on, but she did left saying where she recommended me to get the best tea. As I ride this connection it would take me to the other side of the lake. It showcased some beautiful farmlands. Imagine a Napa valley like place but just with tea and then step back to the old Chinese movies where they have tea huts build in front of the rice fields. Every few kilometers the bus ride took you to another farm with its own tea house and unique decoration to entice the visitor to come in. As I sat on K27, another old lady approached me and asked where I was planning on going. I shared my destination and she said she would also stop by there as she makes her way home. I am getting suspicious, but the beauty of the land sold me and I let her give me some facts as I rode this bus through the mountains. It is truly beautiful. Upon arriving at my destination she started walking with me. I continue to enjoy and try to capture every frame of what I am seeing right then and there. We walk further up the hill and I started to notice the trend. Every person or couple that got off the bus had a helpful old lady chatting with them. The also had that dumb struck look on their face as probably I did too. So I knew I have to pull the plug soon and plus she is starting to lead me further down the ally along with other stray dogs that got off the bus. So people came up down the hill with bags of tea and I knew if I go any further I would be buying tea for people who don't even like tea. Well I said my goodbyes and turn the other way. Needless to say, she followed behind yelling at things that I had no idea what she was saying. As I trek my way back to the bus stop I saw the nice old lady that first helped me. She even greeted me with a surprise how come I was here too. Man, I can't believe she can still hold that sweet smile. Well I got on the bus and in the rear of the bus K27 is the second lady that I escaped. Man they got a system working for them and I saw many people leading down further to the road and many people on the return bus with bags of tea. I was mad at first, and then I find the entire experience rather amusing also in a way sort of sad for the ladies that have to do this. Life must be tough to keep up with the Wongs around here. You have to use tactic to draw people up the mountain because everyone below the mountain is booming with new buildings and fashionable clothes. I think China prosperity is also it own Achilles heel. I think Asian in general has a very focus sense of getting what they set out to do. At time they do get tunnel vision and their own stubbornness make them very inflexible in adopting to change and of course the opportunities that arise with things are different. But when it come to money, the have laser like focus and tenacity. I think they abandon their own morals in order to grab the dream that they seek. It is probably hard for me to understand, but my dad tried to explain this to me. He said that some of the people are so poor their entire life were raised without ever being able to be fulfill. That lack of basic fulfillment of life's most simple necessities leaves you empty. Our basic needs in our civilized culture are unimaginable luxury items to many people in China until now. But my experience with Hangzhou and its people makes me wonder that such harsh life also makes it very difficult to associate in a society where our protocol is completely different. Hangzhou is filled will many amazing history and many fantastic stories were written about this place. Writers came here to be inspired by the plush green mountains and the grand lake that is centered reference point for this town. They said during the spring, there is a type of flower that will blooms which created a scent that is unnanimously make this place mystical and amazing. No wonder Marco Polo once called this place the most beautiful place he ever seen. But now this place is polluted with 20th century architecture. People are caught in getting to claim their wealth that they probably felt they missed in the past. They are looking to go somewhere. In the mist of going somewhere I am experiencing people who bump into you and do not care to apologize, people who compromise a person's integrity in order to make a buck, and the annoying cutting in line without giving it a second thought. All of this and many more made me understand the reason why there will always be the concept of class. No matter how you want to be politically correct, but it seems to me that you can be rich and take a person out of the country, but it is harder to take the country out of the person. China is a country that went through a dynasty much like it did in the past. It's history shows you that a dynasty rules over another, political party reign while another fall, the poor ran out the elite, the communist rise and then fall. Now communist fall, the poor rise, and the capitalism flourish, it is a bit chaotic in my opinion. In the midst of this change a person can become a rich jackass or a rich senex.

12/24/2008 - to China

So my trip to shanghai began with getting business class on seat 11G. This will be my first Christmas away from by mom and brothers since I was about 7 years old. I hope they have a great holiday while I am away. I got to admit that it is a bit strange and I will miss them during these 5 days. This is a change or in way a certain metamorphism of my relationship with my family. This trip may be a start of the changes to come and just a symbol of what will not be the same. Whether that is a positive change or a negative change is uncertain, but if I've learned anything from the past is that it is inevitable. One aspect of this trip is different than the usual would be me meeting my step-dad since he moved to Asia. It is well over 10 years since the last time I saw him. It will be strange because most of my memories are when I was a kid and my perception of him is just but a bunch of past memories. I think about this trip and I realize that it sets up certain disappointments given that one's memories can but disappointment since you can never go back to the past or what it was before. Often what disappoint people are the nostalgia and almost always the attempt to compare the past with the present that lead to sadness. So this led to me to try to prepare myself for it. I have to make a little less of what this is about and not read too much into everything. But that uncertainty also signal me to expect the unexpected and everything should be fine. Maybe that is a little naïve or lack the awareness to be prepared a bit emotionally irresponsible, but isn't it what hope is? Isn't that "Hope" that we as a nation used as a premise to elected our next president? Maybe the current unknown of things are what lead to surprises, disappointments and often a new direction. Whatever it is and however it comes, what is most important for now is that I enjoy getting fat sitting on a 12 hr flight.

Thoughts

A part of being human is that you are required to be aspired to greater things. But being aspired to greater things does not mean you reach all great things. Being aspired to new things may require making the tough choices in life. Sometime that leads to mistakes and sometime it just means that aspiration led to different things. Life makes things tough and my life seems programmed to force me to learn to swing with the unknown.

Nostalgia is bitter sweet. This season, the past years, and the year to come brings nostalgia. It bring moments of bad memories that are sometime left unanswered. Then when look a little deeper, some of those past memories also brought different experiences and new memories. I am not saying that I have the answers for everything or anything at all. All I know is that things happen in life and all I know at this moment is to hopefully live through it with a little bit more aspiration.

I don't pray very often. But I pray that all the people in my life get aspired in the coming year and to get all the great things that they are seeking.

2 B not Thankful this holiday

For the Thanksgiving holiday I decided to drive down LA for the long weekend. It is funny how much I think when I have 5+ hours of staring at the rear lights of cars. But I am typing this on my laptop as I am making my second drive to Vegas. Yes this few days I would of traveled over 600+ miles. But then again it is during these times that a few things that comes to mind of this wanderer.

First thought: A life friendship detoured. This week I heard details of D's friendship with T went ultimately unpleasant for the both people. It is rather sad I think and in so many ways it is unfair. But yet it is also just a part of life that brings the unpredictable to everyone of us. Since this is the holiday season, I am reminded that it is those unpredictable things in life are what we should be thankful for. Life is about remembering the memories that are good and as well as those that were the bad. I think friends is a gift and a long lasting friendship is a gem. Often time the difficult things that plague a beautiful friendship is often the same thing that turn any relationships astray. For instance, D and T been friends for a long time. Long enough that an infant can become a teenage. In very much the same way, the morphisms of life also makes it difficult for friendship to continue or just sustain. People come into a person's life and it change who s/he is and how s/he treats other people. The most difficult part is knowing what to do about that nature's formula. Whether the change that just happened is permanent or not, does not matter. The thing is that we changed once it enters our life. So many times we are so resistant to change. The change that happens in our friends' life, in our life and in family's life. I think majority of the time, people can say and probably diagnosis how much the other person has changed and can come up with a reason or even a highly logical solution. But the most difficult part and often overlooked is the change with one's self that took place or that needed to take place. As a child we tend to look at things as one. Understand that the origin and then learn to use our developed deductive reasoning to trace to the end. I am not sure if life is just that simple? The complexity and also the beauty of life is that it is a cumulative of many things and never ever just one. That is how life works and maybe why very often it defy our logic. This is an alchemist's dream. Life's DNA structure requires all the x and y factors to make it work. That is why it is so difficult to understand life sometimes and for some people may just declare it a mystery. Because life changes so often, maybe we shouldn't weight too much on the changes that come with friendship, but instead embrace that it is different and learn to navigate it. In the famous word of fashion designer Tim Gunn, "Make it Work".

Second thought: Letting go is sometime so hard to do. I can think of how this applies to so many things. I think we constantly, or even just can't resist but to look back how things was. Somehow we may use the past to build the case that this is how it should be for the future. But in reality how reasonable is that? When is it time to let go? I see that in my mom and her
relationship with her children. Every time I go back home I feel like I'm going back in time to my childhood days. Sometime the letting go is not just needed for her, but for me as well. Childhood memories are sometimes hard to erase, difficult to deal with and maybe sometime I just try to do the best with what I got so far. I believe that all family has it share of sadness and as well as happiness. But what still puzzle me til this day is my inability to not being able put things behind me. I am handicapped or inapt in that matter. All logic says that the past is the past and the future is determine by what you start doing today. Yet what if when I return I get reminded of the past. Maybe that is why I tend to get the sense of being lost when I am back at home. I see this not so much as my family burden but my own, because at what point do I let go or at what point can it not be a reason. Could it be that all this time I thought that the emotional high maintenance that I was experiencing is actually slowly transferring to me? No doubt it is a bit scary to think that all these years there are still unresolved issues. I am bipolar in the sense that when I am home I get that sudden comfort that I couldn't get anywhere else except being back in what I once know. Then there is the other side. I am sadden to see that I still struggle with many things even though I have in the past been able to having things distract me. As I forecast, I do know that I have another hurdle to leap in the coming months, then we will see how that may bring things back in peace. I know that I can resolve things as a resolution requires more than one person. I do know what need to be done by me, but it is a matter of getting to that medium of making it work for myself spiritually. The next stage should be interesting, as I know that it is approaching. To think of it, would anybody who really know me expect me to do it any other way? To quote Dr. Chopra:

Option 1) Suffering is an Opportunity to happiness. Sharing your joy. Live in the present moment.
Option 2) Suffering is not necessary if you reach happiness first. By reaching your consciousness and enlightenment.

Hmmmm....I wonder which one am I choosing right now?

Mad Market

Dam I can't believe I missed the jump. I thought the bounce was coming, but didn't anticipate that people would react that quickly, especially over the government giving away more money for a failing bank and for Obama doing nothing except to nominate people for positions. If that is the case then these people that he nominated must have more control over the economy than the rest of the billions of people in this world.

This just mean that people are looking for good news and reason to put money back into stocks. Yes some say the market is a 6 month forward indicator or the economy. But that still does not make sense since almost everyone is saying this mess MAYBE over in a year or so. Although no material evidence that signal an improvement in economy, the stock market thinks so nevertheless. That is why I think that the stock market is unfair for the regular traders. There is manipulation there, just that nobody willing to look at it since it brings many people down to equal level. If we were to give equal playing field, then wealth creation gets that much harder for those banks. In my opinion the banks don't get screwed even though it fail. People that worked there makes more money than they should does not get effected by this. But for some reason, the government thinks bailing out one bank equate to saving the economy. Well the last time I checked, there were other banks out there. At one point, Citibank was a small bank. Then why are they getting preferential treatment now as compare to the Lehman or the thrifts that failed? Us, normal citizen will never really knows. But if you look at the background of Obama's economic team then you would see why many of the larger banks may get bailed out or be in favored in the coming future.

With this push up in market over the last two days has led me to believe that a lot of speculation is being put into the market. As such speculation that we say for oil and gas, I got to think that some more volatility is ahead of us. I still believe that the norm should be below 8000 until June. We will see what will happen, since most people would find me crazy for making such predictions. But dam, all that money that I missed out. Especially say bye to that TV and computer that I wanted. Well life can be worse.

Moonlight Profession

Two things comes to mind as I sit here at my desk not doing much except to stare at the computer screen and continue to look at my watch to see if it is 5 yet. When I am bored I get very uneasy about things and yet also I find it entertaining that currently I am excited most about is playing basketball today. Like I said before, when a man understand the value of simple things, then he himself just increased his net worth by that one percent.


Stock Market - well it closed below 8000 today. Sometime I hate to be right, because this is also hurting my portfolio tremendously. But the fact is that you can't mess with the economic inertia. I often have to stand aside and look at things objectively. Often times that conflicts with my personal emotional ties, the majority view, and often times leads to tension between the other person. So when I do take the time to be objective I come to conflict with another person. In sociology it is said that people tend not to like people who disagree with them. They tend to feel like it is a good conversation when they do all the talking and you agree. But this condition is just human behavior and having confrontation is my other behavior, I guess that goes with the territory. But I digress. The market is heading lower, but how low to be honest I don't know. If you look at the overall all economy, I think we will see it slide down until 2013. But that does not mean the stock market will slide the same way. Since I don't know how far it will slide yet (the market), then I would say I think I've identify the resting points (or often termed as the entry points) to have opportunity to buy. I think when we see the Dow at 7600 then it is time to accumulate some stocks again. Again some stocks. I think we will see a temporary rally in January through March. Then a drop in May to July of 2009. So with that vague remark, I think opportunity to buy will come after Thanksgiving, ride the Obama hope wave, slide with the reality by selling, and then looks for more entry points. But I think the bottom line is that the capital model that the US been using and in many ways other country have model themselves are failing. I think a new model will emerge with many of its similarity from the old model, but less on the emphasis of wealth generation through debt. Also during the 2013 or 214 new industry will emerge as leaders which should in many ways leads to a good period of real growth. So from the opinion and brain dump of this wannabe trader, futurist, columnist and meteorologist, I say: Put on your rain coats because it will be raining daggers. Don't try to catch the daggers, but there are possible chance of area for good profits when the cloud pass through. Assure we are still in a storm, but as always there is green sunny days ahead.


My Rights - so who gets to says those two words? I feel that people often use those words too loosely. When someone go against the masses, then he or she get ridiculed. So what about his rights to think differently. I live in the bay area, the ultra super liberal capital of the world, if not the universe. I think it has changed in many ways opposite of what made it so great in the years pass. Be liberal was allowing the other possibilities to flow. The beauty of this place was once the ability to be different and still be accepted. I think that now to be a local person in the bay area you have to be a liberal that has to follow the same thought. Believe in the same political party, vote for the same proposition, be an intellectual and read the same books, or just make sure you feel sorry for those who are less fortunate, otherwise you are evil. This is a making of a you against us mentality and I notice it growing over the years. I think when you start noticing that everyone is pretty much the same, then you got to question who's rights are we oppressing? Which voice is not being heard or even considered? I see that to allow the different was what made the liberal movement so attractive. It drew a different ways in which we do things. It brought innovation. From innovation it brought economic prosperity. From that simple idea of that everybody has rights, not that it is just about my rights, you foster growth with a society and bring evolution to humanity. So this is my right to speak and rant and so I did. I think now it is a time whether nature/god/Dali lama/mother earth/Obama/liberal/Democrat/karma is becoming the equalizer. Economic changes, climate changes, social changes, and much other changes are in the works. So we will not like some of these changes very much and others we will. Bottom line is that we are just pieces of this puzzle, don't make your right (you) more than what it really is worth. Respect yourself, but respect others as well.

8 is not a lucky number

Went to the market today and at the main intersection were both sides of proposition 8. You can see this issue is close to every one's heart. I think it is a tough proposition to be say whether you support it or not. On the very first instinct you think it would that if anything to do with a person's right to do something, then we should back that right. On the other hand what about the right of the others who wants to keep marriage as between a man and a woman. I would be lying if I said I am dead set on which side. I have a dear aunt that I care about who is a lesbian and yet I have also my Christian up bring. Yet also I have my overall just notice of the world around me. I guess it is one of those topic really no one win. Ever since this proposition I had reason to support and then to go against proposition 8. Today I have one that I figure I put in writing. If I was a parent and if I were to talk to my kid about sex and the birds and the bees, then what would I say as to when s/he should have sex. Obviously I can say only to have sex after marriage. But I think I will strongly say s/he should only have a baby when s/he is married. So in that sense, I wonder if that is a part of other things that marriage serve to this society. Lets just stop thinking about the 'self' for one second and then pause to ask what does marriage do for a society? What was its purpose and what was the original intent. If the argument is to say well I would encourage the kid to not think about having kids, then that would be absurd. Then when two people love to one another should it always lead to marriage? That question and the follow up questions is what makes this such a tough question. The conservative in me tells me that marriage was an idea between a woman and a man. When the gay/lesbian kid was born s/he identified marriage as a man and a woman. Otherwise s/he would not exist. Yet what about the rights of a human to pursue the desire to be with someone with full commitment by contractual commitment in the court of law. I am go back and forth. So I often wonder in the purpose of the law and the fairness for everyone, what if we just name same sex union with the desire to commit themselves in the court of law as something else? Give it another name. After that build things around it. We have law for different countries, we have law for different states, why not for this? Well this blog if anyone read it will upset the reader. But this is just my opinion or more or less my observation. I think I often don't stand on just one side, but to see that not one side or one belief can work in this world. If nothing else I learn from my travels, is that the most beautiful thing in this world is the miracle of having rigidness and also freewill exist in one small planet.

TV Guide

Observation for today:

Frank TV - a show where the main comedian does all sorts of impersonation of famous people. One of his most notorious character is president Bush. As a new season starts he faces with a tough decision illustrating the change coming in political climate both in Washington and in the main streets of America.

Obviously and as the polls suggest, Obama will most likely become the next president. In many ways that signifies many accomplishments from the changes in the past and will also introduce the changes that will occur in America in the future. Whether that change is favorable or not we will see and it will be recorded. Now it raises an interesting situation. For instance should Frank TV continue to make fun and impersonate our future president Obama? If he does choose to do so, how will people react when a white man color him self to make fun of the first black president? Now on the other hand, if he bring in another comedian such as Dave Chappelle to do the president impersonation, then it probably would avoid such drama, but yet does it raise the question whether the freedom and rights that so many American these day preach about is compromised? If we were to accept change does that go both ways? Is rights available to everyone, even those that may not be political correct at this moment in time? We all gotten move clever at using catch phrases and words to bring credit to our arguments. But let's be real, maybe we just gotten cleaver at abusing those words in the propositions, laws, and campaign that we see today. In any case, I think yes it is just a show, but it may just serve a little glimpse of what's to come. Whether spoken out loud or not, the topic will now be more highlight and be forced to be brought out. Most importantly, I think how we handle and manage the change ahead may determine whether we bring up the benefit or the most common draw back and pitfall with change. With those that advocate change, how do they assure that the transitions does not take us backward? I hope things get followed through. I have seen over and over again where people does a good job of argument for change but yet does not follow through to its completion. Regardless how this story plays out, I think we are currently living in historical time and should be glad that we get to live it versus reading it in a book. Let just say we are living history and it is indeed an exciting time.

News that shouldn't be news

News heading that I notice today:

"Kids were found shooting at a teacher in a local high school"
"Kids attach janitor after the were caught vandalizing the school. Now janitors request security."
"US is tentatively suggest that they pull out of Iraq in 2011. Government in Iraq want it to be definite."
"We are seeing reverse illegal immigration going back home. This is according to an interview with an illegal alien"

These headings trouble me. I been on this earth for some time now and I've always enjoyed observing my surroundings. I think my mind tend to always just track. No very scientific or anything, but it just measure the difference between the before and after. But it seems like ever since I been out of school I've noticed that there is a continuous drive to be more liberal. In school we were taught about change and how we should embrass it. Somehow liberal represent being American, the freedom, the advancement of civil rights, or even just go as far as being more advance society. Yet as I can remember it, people and many of them liberals, continue to complain how things has gone bad and we need to improve. Yet if you really look at it, what drove all of us and especially our ancestors, it is the conservative nature that brought us to this land. The discipline, the control, and the limited chaos is what drove many of the opportunities that were offered to live the dream. Yes like freedom it self, these opportunities are not free, but it comes with a price. Often the price that we do not want to see or admit. I think what many people does not realize is that life is about stratification. I will comment on this later. But maybe now it is a time where we start saying 'No' instead of trying to keep saying 'Yes'. That 'Yes' should not be back by our lame and irresponsible use of the word protection of our freedom, advancement of our society, and the right for change as Americans. Has anyone ever stop and wonder if any of the changes are what got us here? You can continue to change but from my experience I have seen change that made things worse. I've also seen people try to cover what really needs to be done by have that 'change' to occur so that it can cover the root cause of the issue.

Chao create by idiots and we follow them

It is funny how you really can tell who really knows versus those who think they know versus those who just don't know. I keep this short as I am filled with many strands of thoughts after thoughts and if I were to put all of it in this blog I would need pages after pages.

But simple observation is that we have a lot of people who we think are experts make the worse suggestion for us. They tell other people how the market will be or how they should invest. Just look at CNBC or Fox television. There are a lot of bad shows there. Entertaining yes for the investment geeks and the financial hogs that likes facts. But when you really look deeper in the shows and the web financial articles they do not know much except they report on news what we really know already or bring in facts that we don't know but appears that they are the experts. When they save it is the government, then we say it is the government. When we say it is the hedge fund, then we say it is the hedge fund. When they say it is the speculative mortgage invests, then we say yeah, it must be that too. Bottom line, is that when things are good anything can be the cause of it and it is the same when things are bad take your pick as to why things are bad. But that is not necessary the solution. Remember things are connected but doesn't mean that they are the cause or more important that correct the cause is the solution. This is especially true in the finance world. Yes does not seem logical, but finance in a world of sales and virtual money is not logical. So it bring me up to another point is that I think the problem is that these days we have many great sales people who were mistaken to be experts just because they can talk fast and can use cleaver words. But the bottom line is that many use the same line or same discipline. If you look around many ask questions and have the reason why it was caused, but not many offer the solution. I think it comes down to someone can be very smart, even ivy league smart or just with stellar experience in their resume, but what is important is financial wisdom and the ability to have the ethics to carry out the idea that it is beyond the the noise.

So what is my prediction? Well today we went up 900 points. My prediction that this is the worse thing that it can be done for the market right now. I think it just mean we are heading for a new low and hopefully a bottom at around mid 7500. Why, well I think that the 700 billion dollar bailout is a disaster and nobody can hold someone responsible for using my tax dollar. Plus the government continue to feed the banks with further bailouts. Think about this, the government is telling the banks do something with the money and loan it. Instead what we are experiencing is that they will investment, they may decide to loan, they will continue to operate by paying their employees and as well as pay out the contract to the executive for millions of dollars. Most people by now should see that the bailout was a marketing plan to trick people to invest in the market and it was not about a plan to help those who got caught in the fall of the financial markets. So what is happening now? I think people withdrew from their accounts and need to find a place to put it. Plus the government is forcing the banks to put the money to work without asking whether if it makes sense to. I think that the bottom line is that the real bottom will not happen until the devaluation of the dollar and before that the Fed will lower the rates. Although I believe that the banks are the main cause of the this mess (not the only cause), I am unsure what needs to be done to the banks. Maybe it just about having the government own the largest two banks and get into the banking business until the liquidity issue is flowing correctly. Then they can deregulate the banks again. It is a tough call. But the banks needs to be there, but also there are a lot of crap in the banks that needs major flushing. I don't care what reason people can give, but nothing they do really deserve the amount of pardon they get from the risk that impose on the market. It seems like we know how to create compensation package, but we fail to tie that their compensation with the performance of the company or investment that they represent.

Well one last thought. To get through this market take time to listen what the idiots are talking about, but learn to use your common sense, and most of all, money is only last as long as you do.

My home my land

I am concerned about the United States of America. Could it be that I am going to see the downfall of the once regarded as the best place to live in the entire world? I think when a person evaluated what constitutes a great place to live, they look at the economy, the people, and the weather. As I can remember it, United States had some of the most amazing elements that build up those three criteria.

The 80's we had our share of the hardship economically, but people continue to respect one another. The conservative idea of respect thy neighbor were still instill within one another. We had a common experience that the land was new, with the constant flow of new immigrants, growth in population and change in civil law were getting planeted. You can have kids play out in the street and there would still be that common respect for the people around you. Things were tough economically, but at least people had each other in a brotherhood kind of way. We had a sense of common benefit that we live in the number one place in this world and we better make it work. We had our conflicts and internal battles but we never lost our humanity. Even war has etiquette. As for the weather, well it was always acceptable in comparison to the rest of the world.

Now as for the 90's we finally got out of our economic slump. Wealth began to accumulate and so does the divide lines. Business boomed, people continue to flock the country, and we all felt we were worth something (sometimes maybe we think we worth more than we really do). Now this country really became the country where a person can find gold right around the street corner. If literally that was the case, then we would not have any more streets. Thank god for that. But during the 90's, it was the birth of understanding thy 'Self'. We use the idea that we needed to take care of our self and somehow it morphed into a sense of entitlement because we work hard, we made money and whatever the other reasons why the 'Self' made it. The sad thing is that people became less banded as we focus on the 'self'. We chase after that gold around the corner and we left people behind while doing it. People stop being less considerate, less neighborly, and conservative ideas begin to fade. Of course there are the conservatives still, but then the line gets drawn by the conservatives against the liberals. So that in itself fracture the brotherhood in humanity. Maybe that is why we like sports because for that duration we draw back to our humanity. With all that wealth we were prouder than ever.

Now getting back to current time. Economy is falling apart. People lack humanity. Look around how strangers interact with strangers. Examine the media on what draws people's attention. United States became less of an envy but more of a downfall of the champ. In my prior blog, I mention my thoughts why the crash of the markets were going to happen. I was hoping that the worse of it would happen during the middle of next year. But unfortunately we have people who were more concern about greed and backing up their supporters than to look at the big picture. I think our banks and the home owners will get bailed out. But don't think that is a good idea. In fact this will plant an malign cancer in the US economy. We can try to redress the bad debt that got us into this mess. What about the greed and the unethical practice of people that got us here? Our bailout is not for the people that will suffer, but to cover the people that should be responsible for the failure that we are seeing today. If the policy makers can help it, they would not want this to go public and therefore the bailout will package (just like we repackage loans) to appear that we have to save the US economy. But if you look at it, Paulson and Bernanke were wrong in the past. If you look back at their statements in the past, they were wrong. Who is to say that they are right this time? But they don't need to be right in the long run, just so that some people can have time to recover and plan their financial strategy. So the bottom line to all this. We are not the envy anymore. The value of the dollar will drop, the redistribution of wealth across the world will happen and US will loose its shine.

So what is answer to all this? Well I don't have one just yet. I have some ideas. But for the immediate response, move oversea if you can. Go find that next corner filled with gold. Otherwise, go find your humanity. But for now at least we still have the weather. Just as long as global warming don't get the best of us.

The Smart...Please stand up.

The wonderful stock market that can make a hero today and can also crush that hero in a matter of few days. I've been following the market for awhile now. To be exact for 22 years. I enjoyed studies the history and all the stories that it leaves behind. For the future generations, if you ever want to read about a true soap opera, then follow the market and its history. But this time I am reading about a irony and I'm compel to have my opinion about what has happened thus far.

Over the years, I've seen companies that entered into the market with their IPOs and those that fall out of the listings that we all entrust. Riches were made, egos build on top of egos, emotions run on high octane, famous books are written about the successes, the formulation of the 'secret sauce' to make it big spread like wildfire, and the new generations copycat themselves to be like one of the superstars they read about.

Yet, have anyone every wonder the people behind such things. They are the leaders and they the people who tries to impress the leaders. These days we are seeing the large, what once thought of as the most prestigious and safe companies go belly up. These are companies that suppose to be the 'solid' ones. The ones that brings other companies to market. The one that hires the graduates from the elite schools, the one that rejected so many by putting some many gates to allow only the so call the "best". They are the one that were smart enough to know. You see them everyday. They announce their greatness and everyone follow the smell that they leave behind. They glow over cocktail on how much they add value to their company, they believe that somehow they can never be wrong and they proclaim their 'eliteness'. And why wouldn't they be, they came from the elite schools?

Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt that people that came from the elite schools are smart. But I wonder in what way are they smart. Maybe we've lost what is smart. Maybe smart is not definitive, but instead relative? I've seen impressive grades with technical skills, and I've seen eloquent speakers and I've seen those with abundance of academic regurgitation. But beyond that, what is it that makes that person add value to the company or the company around him? Maybe they need to be right. But beyond that, maybe they need to have ethics and the responsibility for the company that they are at. I see business being broken by abandoning the basic. That basic is that an entity is there to bring value to its customers and in return that customer will exchange for that value. I believe that there are flaws in many of what we refer to as sound technical instrument. Imagine just the model we created to help us forecast and plan. These are the models build by elite graduates using the black Scholes model or solver to help us be that much smarter. But are we really that much smarter? Or have you just gotten smarter at making other people look more stupid?

I've been to my share of large and small companies. I've been fortunate enough to be around very smart people and those who were very successful in their own ways (money, life, family, spiritual). The sad thing is that I think we've lost it. I mean I think we went astray to the basic and we find that the complex is somehow better. To prevent myself from going to further detail in that thought, I will stick with just the topic of finance and the people who we entrust to handle that money.

If you look back, there are a lot of shocking news of sudden collapse of companies for the past 11 years. Companies come and go, but these couple of years a company can be reporting good earnings for quarters, gave outrageous bonus and then the following quarter later announce that they are filing for bankruptcy. Yet if you notice, through those years, there are a growing pool of MBA professionals than ever before. But what is it that make them professional?

Looking back, a lot of the long surviving companies today started out with those people without the impressive credentials. But as times goes on, they started to add the elites in their staff following that common belief that you always surround yourself with smart people. But what many people forget is that beyond what is on paper, you got to follow your gut whether that person would be good to the company. Then you judge their work ethics and beyond that you monitor the person's integrity. You see, when you take smart + ego + greed then it = entitlement, then - ethics and moral then it = failure to the company the company that you surround you. Being smart is the beginning, but unfortunately it is not the end.

Now when you look at it, for all the major surprises to the failure of these great companies. The less elite banks such as Wells Fargo Bank has a larger capital share than Citi bank and let's not talk about Merrill or Lehman. Did anyone ever wonder the people that are in Wells Fargo now are probably the people that once were rejected by these elite companies? So it left me to wonder, what is smart and what are we using it for? The greatest danger is not by those who don't know, but by those who knows but don't apply it right.

This is your life now....

I am visiting my family this weekend, catching a big game, and now watching a movie that I can't help but to quote it. I find it to be motivating.

"This is your life now. It does not wait for you to get back on your feet."

I love watching movies despite I know it is not real. But I think the beauty of the arts and yes movies can be an art, is to allow one to escape reality and for a spare moment (90 minutes) the elements of the world to be contained.

(amendment after 9/21)
For those who struggle today, look at the quote above. Nice thing about life is that it evolves.

Thoughts

Thoughts while driving this past weekend:

....I really love the feel of driving at night with the window down. San Francisco is perfect when it is 75 degrees and the fresh air makes me feel extremely happy. Maybe it reminds me when I was younger cruising, but regardless what the reason is. It made me feel lucky to be alive and to even just have such feeling at my age. For that moment while driving, all my worries and thoughts just fly away. What was left is just the music and a big cheesy smile.

....I am amazed once again how I have very different friends and I feel so fortunate. Each makes or plays important parts of who I am. I realize that some of my friends can make me feel like I can do anything, nothing is impossible, push me to the edge, challenge my rules, and pump me up to the brink of almost being a bastard. Then there are friends that just do the opposite. They bring me down to earth. Makes me realize the essentials, what I should appreciate, point out how unreasonable my standards are and even to just double check my zealous ambitions. Although that makes me one difficult person to deal with, but it keep me interested in the world that I live in.

....One other thought. I sometime wait last minute. Maybe I enjoy the rush or maybe I am just a natural born procrastinator. Whatever the case may be, I need to get stuff done. I have my moment of brilliance and my moment of idiocy.

....Oh I wonder if I have learning disability. I been reading things backward. For instance, I read 397, but it was actually 379. I do that a lot. Am I loosing brain cells. Maybe I need to start taking fish oil. Make note to self...buy fish oil.

Teddy

So many things that I wanted to write about, but I have to pick only one given the time that I have right now.....

Let see, it got to be the Ted Kennedy's speech during the opening of the democratic nomination convention. I 'm usually not a big fan of him or his involvement in politics. I often find him detached from reality of what America is today and will be in the future. But beside my own personal judgement of the man, I got to tip my hat to him for the inspirational speech that he gave this past Monday. The man has brain tumor and yet still manages to deliver a very powerful speech that inspired his party, illustrated his passion for politics, showcased his cleverness to move people and his undeniable strength to subdue his struggle during the presence of his peers. If nothing else, I saw someone that love what his was doing and the thing that he was was doing was loving him back. To be able to do that is a very powerful experience and a very fortunate one. It seems like as people income erode and the idea of self entitlement plague the rest of the world, the search for the passion become less reachable. Maybe the former dictated the later. But regardless which, it takes considerable amount of e(motion) to gather the strength to get you to stand up against the head wind. I am just glad that I got a chance to see it.

Seasons

The author is unknown since I got this through an email. Time to just blog it and clean up my inbox.

"People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

I can read this and it can give me joy, at other times it gives me hope, and at other times it gives me sadness. Maybe this is the triangulation of life elements or maybe someone who is really good at writing post cards.

Weather Me This

I've not blogged in awhile. Thought I need to make an observation and hopefully leads to something beyond that.

Today's bizarre weather makes me wonder. Gloomy, hot, spots of sunshine, drizzle of rain, cloud low, yet not low enough to prevent the planes from taking off, one moment it is hint of Indian summer, while the other the cloud speeds through the sky.

As I got out of my office today, such weather illustrated how my emotional spirit has been for the past couple of days. Sometime I think SF weather is as volatile as my emotional being. Maybe that is why beyond the chaos, this city's weather match me. When we both have out sunny days everything is as sweet as it can be. But when the cloud comes in, we experience the airy and almost scary thoughts. Can it be that my emotion as well as my life is like the changing of seasons. Some things passes by, while other stays, and while other go but never left. Cancer are crazy sometimes, I say never give birth to a child that would fall into the astrological sign of the water crab. They are really hard to eat and it takes forever to get the meat of it all.

With that the signing off of the simple and yet complex....me.

....Pause....

Been awhile since my last entry. I have not organized my thoughts about everything that has happened within the last two weeks. Not that I am ever that organized, but at least not enough right now that I can write about it or even feel like writing about it. So let's just enter something that I am pondering about right now or just stole from my reading. Leave it so I can come back and revisit it someday.

One says:

wisdom applies to human problems, and intelligence to abstract ones
wisdom comes from experience, while intelligence is innate.

Alternative view says:

“wise” means one has a high average outcome across all situations, and “smart” means one does spectacularly well in a few.

Conclusion:

Being wise is not intrinsically better than being smart. Both have their place, and of course one would like to be both.

N.N.O

Notes, news, & observation:


Notes: I need to figure out how to have more energy each morning. I realize I drag my ass out of bed each morning. I wonder if I was more awake then maybe I would be more productive. The sad thing is that I think I am only productive 3 hrs out of the 17 hrs that I am awake. I heard fish oil is suppose to be good for you. Maybe I'll try that.


News: I just found out I have a cousin that is 2 weeks old. Jus just became a father and is half retired in Maui right now. Apparently he is building on his land and working on his plan retirement place. But the interesting thing is that my cousin Ed had his kid earlier this year. So basically, my nephew has a uncle that is 6 months younger than he is. Man I got a strange family. If there is ever going to be a family get together, then lots of explanations are needed.



Observation: A lady came into the restaurant that I was having lunch at and asked some of the oddest questions. She sat down and said, "No tea, I am allergic to tea." My thought, "I never thought anyone would be allergic to tea. Then the waiter brings water and asked what she likes to order. She asked whether the pan cake had a lot of sugar. Because she can't have too much sugar. Then the waiter suggested something else. Then she said if the meat had MSG. She said she could dye from it. The waiter to my surprise was pretty nice and suggested vegetable, then the lady ask how much MSG in the meat. Bottom line, my whole thought was that too bad she is allergic to things. But man, if you come to a CHINESE restaurant, know the obvious. I don't understand people sometimes.

Neutral Equality

Not much I want to blog at this time right now. Still trying to digest the week maybe. But there is one thing that I have to comment on, but it will upset the general public. That topic being the same sex marriage that is on every news channel today. First of all, I don't get it!!! Now we have to be P.C. about marriage by saying that it is a gender neutral marriage. What the heck? I've seen the the news and reason behind the same sex marriage topic. But could it be that this is where the liberals became too liberal? You can say rights of human, freedom of expression, equality, etc.... whatever that the coin phrase we use to say hey lets have and work on totalitarianism and then utopia. But really, why bother with this? Where is the boundary? Do anyone see the long term effects of this? Is there a gender neutral dress room that I can go when I need to try on clothes? Or an equal house that I can go into anytime I want to walk through a house? Or a gender neutral bathroom that I can pee, leave the lid up and hit on the person in the next stall? Better yet is there a gender neutral way for me to say it is that time of the month? Yes it is absurd. I think separation and differences exist possibly for a reason and serve a purpose. Somehow people thinks it is a negative thing. We don't have to look at a culture or even a specific religion to understand. If you just look at it, we are all governed by the natural law or law of nature (religious connotation). Even the word and act of law sets, define, and limits. There are limits, boundaries, and categories that makes life good. I don't think people should intrude or copy, instead they should innovate with the new if they want to make a statement. If you want something, start something for you, but don't go into someone else's world and try to enforce your opinion and belief. History already taught us that wars, deaths, alienation, poverty, and anything you can think of started with the idea that we should impose upon our belief.

On the economic side. Having a gender neutral marriage is going to hurt the economy and it will have a ripple effect that people have yet considered. Cost of health care will rise and increase even so more as we age. Company will have to consider how they need to assess the cost of having an employee. Now all the benefit payments they have will increase and cost per employee unit just got higher today. Yes, they measure this in human resource. Taxes may need to be hiked and adjusted. Really? How so? Just speaking for the company in the US, it makes sense to hire oversea labor because today they just became that much cheaper. Just think about the ripple. Start from the business, then to the politics, then to the laws, then to the finances, the taxes, and then finally to the homes. What changes and adjustment will come of this? I come to wonder if the benefit really out weight the cost for the change in definition of marriage that happened today? Is this about economics? Man where is my gender neutral marriage person?

Closing comment. I love the bay area. I have many things that I love about the people here and the diversity it brings. The opportunity to express and to just work on the acceptance of difference people. Part of that acceptance is first identify that there are differences. Then the true acceptance really form. With all that freedom in this place, also comes control and perseverance. I am sad to think that with a location that is filled with so many smart people per square mile, we can at time makes the dumbest choices. There were other place like bay area and they became history. Maybe the bay area needs to just be a little less bay area sometimes and start to see how life really is outside of the bay area. Harmony does not come from looking the other way, but instead it comes from looking at the differences and then realize the beauty that the differences bring.

Random thoughts

What is the logic in me? I been trying to understand myself as to why I seem to be indifferent about all the uncertainty that surrounds me. Let's face it, the economy is going down hill, people are getting angry at everything, cost of goods are getting out of hand, corruption flow through the nation, and the fruits of mother earth are getting scarce. All this impact me and being one person full of opinions and sympathy, I sometime take it personally. One of them being the possibility of getting laid off from my current job. At work you can sense fear in the air. For me I was fortunate enough to get a interview this week. Yet I decided to tell the hiring manager that I will not be meeting with him. In my mind I said it was too far away to travel to work and in a way it kinda is. But that day I was in the edge of going to the interview. In reality it wouldn't of taken that much effort since I was not doing anything important at that time anyways. One logic I had was that I like to find something closer to the city. But when I told my manager that I decline the interview, he was shocked by my lack of urgency. I have to wonder why I did not jump on the opportunity despite the fact that most people are trying to get interviews. The only thing I can think of right now is that my lack for passion. But that topic been debated many time that it is often overrated. So I must try to figure why I am passing on opportunities. Is it because I enjoy struggle? Or maybe I'm just lazy? I've yet to find out the reason and for myself I hope I understand it soon.

One other thing that I thought about today on my way back home were just people in general. Traffic as usually stacked up on the fwy. People were jockeying for position in order to get home a few seconds faster. I notice people were aggravated because traffic were going about 25mph. But then I notice a dog sticking half of his body outside the car window. I realize as superior beings on this earth, sometime maybe we should learn from the simpler beings. If you look at it, while everyone is getting angry, the dog is finding the opportunity that traffic is slow. To the dog, having the window blowing his face is probably one of the most satisfying thing in the world. I never seen dogs having sex, but I swear if you look at the Husky, he may as well be having an orgasm. Despite him being a domesticated pet, with a red neck owner, him sitting in a hot truck and him probably miss treated at times, the dog's expression can almost look as if he was in heaven. Nothing else matters. Things just flew away. Washed. So I often wonder how much of the conflict we have are self cultivated? Can it be that all you need to do is just try and stick your head out the window sometimes?

Random

"Men in general judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but only very few can test by feeling. Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are; and those few do not dare to take a stand against the general opinion."

- Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince

In my opinion Niccolo was a great leader and his ability to understand people is what made him good at what he does. Even today most of the leadership and help books still use his philosophy on how he rule his kingdom as their baseline for their research. I heard many things these couple of days which I've yet to understand why they stuck to me. Obviously this quote is one of them. I think the quote speak for itself. In general we seldom go against the flow because most of the time we were taught that the facts are in front of you and you should try to keep accord with everyone. We think that what we see or hear got to be the truth. But someone times maybe the true test can only be done by the sense of feeling. By uncover what is in front of us and to see beyond the obvious.

Then there is the one other thing that our brain do that makes our feeling questionable. It is called ANT (Automatic Negative Thought). Most people have it more than other. But almost everyone at one time or another have it. Interesting enough it is a weakness of the brain and yet sometime it may be your alert mechanism. The human brain is such an interesting creation.

With the complexity of the brain and the complexity of people is what makes world ever changing and ever so unpredictable. Yet we can't help it but to try to solve this puzzle since the existence of human. For instance, I saw this movie call Love and Sex on cable. It pretty much captured all the things people go through. You got the cynic, the over optimist, the avoider, and the floater. Whatever the person is, the interesting things is that human being in general at one time or another tries to mystify and demystify "Love and Sex". First is that people tend to mystify this topic. If your really look at it, you can't help but to. That is why there are books like "the road less travel" or "men are from mar and women are from Venus". Whatever the books are out there, we tend to enjoy that mystery and more so enjoy the act of trying to solve that mystery regardless of what happened in the past. Even for those that said they have given up, if you really talk to them, they really have not given up, they are just waiting for it to land on their lap. Otherwise they wouldn't have to say that they've given up. I don't know why I blog this, but I find that the film to be interesting because it took a look at the basic need of a human being with how we frequently use our 5 senses incorrectly.

Anyways I probably should be concentrating on finding a job or try to heal my aching back. Which reminds me, dam I'm old. But like I said, certain thing just stick on me and I have to write it down.

Gloom Friday

My first blog since my return back from Australia has to be one of complaints. Oh well at least I start writing again. But I can already sense this will be a negative blog.

What can I say except that today is Friday and it has been a bad day for me so far but it is only 1:30 in the afternoon. I started off this morning wanting to chat with D over gchat. Thought it be nice to talk to her since it has been awhile since I seen her and maybe by chatting with her it would make this month go by faster. But somehow we got to the topic of me have a "single" status on FB to how come Vlo didn't know about her. As with most things, it came unexpectedly and a slippery slop of doubts start flowing in. What do you say to things that you are not aware of? I mean I tend to keep things to myself about my personal life unless someone ask me directly or that the conversation merit it. I guess it is hard to understand for most people, but I am in certain ways very open to things and yet certain times I am very closed off. It may seem like it is hiding, but to me it is just that I don't think people care that much about what goes on with my personal life. You know some people can talk about themselves all day long and I'm not one of them. Anyways that is the sideways conversation of my morning.

Then as I am getting to work, I had that strange feeling it is getting off to a wrong way. So around 12 noon an unplanned department meeting was announced. We were officially told that the layoff will occur in the middle of July. I was thinking that is just great. I want to be laid off sooner so I can meet up with D, but instead I am getting it right afterwords. To me that is kinda funny and ironic. The reason is , if I do end up traveling but then what happens between D and I? That is what if I spend two months oversea in Vietnam or Japan. I like to go somewhere before I start working again, but that will bring 6 months that we are away from each other. I am torn about all of this and I have to think about what is to happen in the coming weeks.

Then the stock market has to go south. Man I did not need to loose money right now. I like to preserve capital if I can. But the stinky oil and devalue of the dollar is not helping. I am sure it is tough time for everyone, I just hope that everyone pulls through. But dam what is the deal with the timing of all this? Hahahah.

So some random observation over the last few weeks that I may as well just write down.

I still remember when I was walking through the park near the Opera House in Australia, I encounter a bunch of Tibetan monks. They had the usual attire, but somehow just their demeanor were different from the peace that I sense in righteous people. This may sound crazy, but when people are right, in the right place and has peace, that essence is exemplify in their presence. It does not need to be said or praised, you can just tell. But anyways they were loud and if you can image the old Chinese movies of drunken monks that was what I saw. So when I passed by they gave me a look that bothered me. I tend to smile when I meet people eye to eye. I met them eye to eye and they just looked at me up and down, stop smiling and continued on with their laughter after I passed by. I thought nothing of it at first until I continue my walk through the park. Until I got to a portion of the park where I found a large poster laying on the grass. No one was there, but it was a collage of pictures with people getting mutilated. Essentially it was saying how the Tibetan were being abused by the communist party. I have my own opinion about the whole topic. But then I got angry because I was enjoying my time in Australia. In a country where I came to visit to have a vacation and also I came to appreciate because people just enjoyed being alive. Multi-race, culture, religion live together in this land. They obviously have their differences, but they coexisted, somehow. If they were to individually look back each of their heritage have one time or another abuse each other in their own way. Now In the beautiful place with the awesome weather I have to see politically driven picture laid out in public. What if I didn't want to see it. What if I had kids and I did not want them to see those pictures. Do I not have a right? Anyways that bothered me because I think politics is like a coin and it always have two sides. People, remember when we were so quick to support the war in Iraq? Just look at history and it tells you that there are always another side to everything. Often time we are wrong.

Another blah blah blah by me. I was getting my haircut and I saw kids running around in the waiting area. The mother with 3 kids destroying the salon and have one more baking in her womb. All she said was stop it to the kids while they keep repeating the same thing. I was about to say, hey control your kids and stop having sex. Obviously you can't handle anymore. The kids were loud, jumping around, and giving me a headache. Usually I love kids, but hate bad kids, because I think it is a reflection of the parents. Then I blame the parents more the kids. I think if you think more scientifically, you give birth if that addition to the world makes things better no matter the magnitude, otherwise the offspring is the negative addition to the world. For instance her annoying kid just made me wonder if I want kids, even though I like kids. What did she do to me? Hahahaha.

Oh well I am not too thrilled about today and I will see how this weekend progress. Hopefully it gets better. Man how I miss hockey right now. Lol.

Departure

As I am getting ready to depart this wonderful city, I realize that I mix emotion and opinion about a whole glob of things. For sure I did not do everything there is to do here. I can imagine to fully get to know the country would require 3 weeks. But during my brief stay I've encounter many interesting people namely from different parts of Australia, Vietnam, New Yorke, China to name a few. That is the beauty of traveling, you get a cliff note of experience from other people and also get a chance to recharge yourself. You realize that there are some many wonderful differences and yet also human in general all are made of up the basics. So to be human were are all given the same, but the reset is up to you and a little fortune. So with that I keep it simply by saying with what was given to me, I am too a very lucky person.

Aussie Note

I had a very complete and full packed day. Tired physically and mentally soaked in a lot, so in a way my brain is full for the day. I saw many wonderful things again today which I can probably write a lot about. But today was different because in this wonderful place I actually had the chance to hear local people's stories. Bottom line even in an amazing places, there are struggles that makes each of us so similar regardless where we are from, what religion, what race, or what creed. I can devote this blog entry as a recall of the sad stories. But I think I will only say that take life as it is given to you, find time to smile everyday, and the next day is always a different day.

Down under still

Short post given I want to utilize my morning as soon as I can. I have a full day ahead. From my last blog......

Did I say I like Sydney a lot? I was told that people from Sydney says they are lucky. They say that because what place in the world would you get constant good weather, good people, all social welfare taken care off, and economy that continue to grow. Obvious you still have people that will complain just for the sake of complaining. Overall from someone looking in and also from talking with a local, they consider themselves very fortunate and more so I get the sense that many also feel very altruistic about things in general. Because when things are good it is hard to imagine that why it can not for everyone else.

My lunch time kinda exemplify Sydney I think. I followed a crowd of people getting out of a Chinese restaurant. I figure I haven't eaten since it is 2:30 already and for some reason I completely forgot I was hungry because I was just awwed by my surroundings. But the waitress sat me down between to parties. Right in the middle, by myself. I felt uncomfortable of course. Then the two ladies on my left tried to start talking to me and asked where I was from. We struck a conversation and then the next thing you know the couple on the right of me also joined in. The during the middle of the meal another guy eating by himself sat right across from me. A local. He start talking. But the end of it I could not finish eating because every just starting to converse and getting to know each other. Now how often to you see that happened? Long story short....I think this place has positive vibe and therefore I believe that when people are positive, even just have a smile to someone, then good things happen. It pays forward in dividend.

Okay...stop for now....need to start the day........

Touch Down

I arrive in Sydney in the early morning of 6AM. So far I've yet to check in my hostel, but I did have the chance to explore some parts of the city. So far it has been terrific. It is a bit difficult to describe Sydney especially it seems like it has a little bit of everything. I was not sure why I always wanted to come here and visit, but I realize as soon as I got on the train. I am living the dream that I had when I was a wannabe surfer/skateboarder in San Fernando Valley, CA. Back then all you hear about was the great pipeline of Australia. The amazing people, the surf, the weather, and of course the fresh vibe of the place. From my brief exploration of the place so far, it lived up to my expectation. To start as to why I like the place, for one thing it is by the ocean and the weather been extremely amazing. For someone who loves the water and sports this is the place to be. Another interesting thing about this place is that it has almost a little bit of every country that I've so far visited. I kid you not, it is if somehow Asian, Europe, s. America, and united states got blended together and some how the country manage to make it work. So as I explore the city I see the influence that each culture plays off one another. The last time I've seen something like this was in Turkey, but that was a blend of European culture and religion. I am happy to see this blend because I often wonder whether the idea of melting pot, with some social conscious and people with the sound belief that just respect one another really can happen. I think this place comes close. So far my exploration is just early in the morning, the next is to see how I feel once the city comes to life and people start coming out. There is a lot for me to say and it has only been 4 hours. I think it is better and easier in bullet points:

• cost of living - everything here requires you to pay and a dollar does not get you far. I imagine this being a great place to live, it can counted for the high prices. An average lease for an apartment is about $430 per week, which equals to $1700 per month.
• weather - amazing. It gets cool and warm all within a span of 2 hours.
• people - mind your own business. People are generally friendly. I notice a lot of the shopkeepers are Asian. But then maybe the dam Chinese are so overachievers that they cannibalized themselves to working in coffee shops and bus drivers.
• food - I have not had any yet. But Asian food is big here. You get a lot of Vietnamese and Chinese food here. But I think Asian in general are a bit population. From what I've seen, food here looks very good regardless what ethnicity. I've yet to try the beef pie, but I will.
• talent - This is to my friends that I will tell later that the talent here is pretty good. It is a place you can meet people very easily. To my women hungry friends, you guys should visit. To my man eating friends, make sure you cut your nails. :-)

Report......To be continued.

Down Under

So I started with a blog entry I don't plan on completing until I get back. I am curious to see how I am emotionally as the days go by this long weekend. This is the first time I am traveling alone since Malaysia. Of course this time I travel with complete different reasons. It is still interesting to just analyze my thoughts when it is all over, review its changes and its sometime rational and irrational flow of unconsciousness.

So here is what happen so far before I make my way to the plane.

Blooper - I was dropping my manager off at the airport today. He was helping me with things to do in Australia and started to check off the list as if he was a father making sure that his son was well prepared. Then he ask a final question and said....."So you got your Visa ready right?"......Then I was like oh, you mean I need a visa? Long story short I rushed to get my visa online and was approved instantaneously. Luckily Australia is just greedy and all they care about is your money. I have my visa, luckily I took him to the airport. Otherwise I wouldn't of gotten on the airplane.

Support - Everyone I talked to so far been really excited for me to go to Australia for such a short time. Got lots of suggestions. I think people are more excited than I. But as I read up more on the city, I begin to get excited because I realize it sounds like a place that I can get to like a lot. Well, I will see. If I get in a fight with a drunk Aussie, then I may hate the place. But so far it sounds like a very multi-racial, multi-cultural place with lot of good Asian food and good Italian food.

At Home - I thought I would not have anything to do this weekend and one of the reasons why I decide to go oversea. Yet a few hours before my trip, I got a few calls to go hang out tonight and this weekend. Now why don't people be for prepared and plan. Let me know sooner. I can't complain....I did not initiate. Then another twist of event, I got a text from a friend out of the blue. I known her for awhile now and somehow she decided to text me and said she wanted to date me. I am thinking she is drunk or something, but man who text people to ask that kind of question. I just got my subway sandwich and decided to watch the Lakers game. But the sad thing is that if she is serious, then I think I may loose a friend because they never stay friends with you once you say no to them.

Emotional Conscious - I have mixed feeling whether I should make my flight there. I hope that things don't go wrong or that my family and friends will be okay. I am excited to see Sydney and looking forward to reading the book I wanted to read for the longest time (Guns, Germs, and Steel). I predict I will have time of uncomfortableness (in a hostel for god sake), time of loneliness (by myself), and time of excitement. But hopefully by the end of it all I come back with a sense of balance and acceptance of the future to come. By me writing that sentence, I realize maybe I should be a fortune cookie writer. I wonder how much do they pay?

Then another thought..............