It is amazing how many things are happening when sometimes I start noticing them Or maybe I am just having one of those over analyzing moment. But in either case it pass through my mind for a day or two and to my own world I find it interesting. I think this is a collection of thoughts and stories that I've heard from people over the past couple of days. It is funny how it just fits within the same topic. That topic being the issue of women, their thoughts, and relationships.
Last night I joined a friend visiting from Japan along with 4 other ladies for dinner. Unexpected being the only guy at the table conversation arise about men and women. I find myself at times wishing there were more XY chromosome around the table. I called for back up from a fellow friend, but apparently he was too wasted to make it. Despite I have the most idea setup for him, 5 single women who all they could talk about during dinner was about sex, relationship, and marriage. OMG....guys' dinner are so much less intense. Yes with listening to their fears, questions, and of course the pressure of family, I realize dam I glad I am a man. I answer questions like whether I would date someone with implants to question of whether I am pressure to be married. It seems like the nature of animal instinct and their needs are so evident each day. The become even more true when we move the party to a near by club. I find myself many times action like a zoologist look from a clear window. The women looks pretty, stand straight, and made sure their best assets are highlight to the general public. Some will make the pose as the wait the for men. While other will do all they can to make sure they are notice. The men are not different. They come up with the most ridiculous meeting tactic. The one that stuck to me was by a dude saying to this hot blond in zebra strips: "What is a girl like you doing in a place like this"? When I heard this I almost spill my drink. How can anyone think the girl will actually respond to that type of question? Beside how will she answer that? What ever happen to the old fashion hello? With little surprise she blew him off. I've been to many clubs and bars over my life time and I find that guys tend to fail at those places. Simply put they over complicate things with their insecurity or ego which eventually turn off the opposite sex more than bad clothes or bad skin. Besides that point I find it interesting because for myself I feel like I am so far away from this zoo. The attend of both sexes trying to attract each other in every way possible sometime sad and sometime just unbelievably funny. But this thought would not be complete until I list some of the things I've heard or noticed over the past couple of days.
1. A friend told me a girls is trying to trick guys she date in getting her pregnant so they will marry her.
2. After months of chasing after this psycho girl, another friend of mind told me he finally got to sleep with her. Yet she is crazy and hurt him more that 3 times already and rejected sleeping with him for about 10 times. I guess persistence counts. He told me because the guy she was originally into had to call the cops on her. Well I did not get the full story because I was busy....but I can imagine what this will lead to.
3. A friend said her mom told her to just have a baby already and she does not need a guy. Her mom's words were: He is a good looking guy. You and him should make an excellent looking baby. WTF mom....are you really looking out for your children?
4, When a girls is in a club dancing with a guy, she will still look at you and try to entice you. What like I am really going to get turn on by that? Hahahha girls are funny.
5. Women thinks a number is very important...like the number 30.
6. While on vacation, a friend is so insecure that she purposely did not eat after seeing so many hot girls in Taiwan. Her worries are that her boyfriend back home would think she is fat. She lost 7 pounds during her vacation. The sad thing is that everyone at work thinks she is hot, yet if you look at her boyfriend, he is the biggest dork. She blames her childhood of being left along and her insecurities.
This is my thought: There are three categories of people: the haters, the lover, and the denialers. Most people will flow through each of three during the course of their life. It is tough to be with each other because we often can not time where we are and who we are. But what other choices do we got? At the zoo, the lions can't stop being lions and monkeys can't stop being monkeys. They just let nature take its course and hope for the best. As human I think often times we think we try to be something different from a lion. We act different, we train our brains, or even dress different with all the hopes that being a different animal would just make things easier or better for us. Maybe it is just about embracing being a lion. Becoming the best lion that you can be and accept that you are in a zoo with many other animals who also strive for similar things in what we call life.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Spots.....
Woke up this morning a little unorganized if not just plain scatter brained. Maybe it is because D is leaving today, maybe is because I realize in a few months from now bday arrives, or maybe I am simply just having one of those moody days.
Sometimes I question myself if I am a little ADD. Especially today. I see the world operate in very slow motion as if I am watching a long movie that drag on forever wondering where and when is the punch line and why am I watching this? Today maybe is one of those days where I am seeking to find what is the BIG picture to all of this? So the list of unrelated things that cross my mind and cross my path are just random thought of a disturbed individual:
1. Reaffirm that I don't like missing people. Or I have issues of having this feeling.
2. Not sure how I will handle this. I blame my childhood on this, even though I am too dam old to still hold on to that resentment.
3. Concern how I got this way and the way I feel given that I know people usually will fail you.
4. The media really has a big effect on how people feel about their lives. It can make you think the economy is about to collapse or it can make you think that everything is picking up in swing of two days. That is why Roosevelt was such an interesting president in which he used the media to his advantage.
5. Got word or rumor that UA service may potentially be bought by Singapore Air. It makes it interesting, but also give me second thoughts about leaving.
6. I don't show up for work motivated, yet people still wants me to take on big projects Go figure, don't they realize I am a slacker?
7. I am questioning how I am going to deal with what is in my heart versus what I am doing for the next few weeks. No balance or harmony.
8. I really need to work on mine TO DO list.....It seems like time is running out and at some point I need to sacrifice one for the other.
9. I really need to go to the gym or just need to revisit the question 'what is my passion again?'.
Ahhh....maybe some sleep will help. Hopefully I laugh about this entry someday.
Sometimes I question myself if I am a little ADD. Especially today. I see the world operate in very slow motion as if I am watching a long movie that drag on forever wondering where and when is the punch line and why am I watching this? Today maybe is one of those days where I am seeking to find what is the BIG picture to all of this? So the list of unrelated things that cross my mind and cross my path are just random thought of a disturbed individual:
1. Reaffirm that I don't like missing people. Or I have issues of having this feeling.
2. Not sure how I will handle this. I blame my childhood on this, even though I am too dam old to still hold on to that resentment.
3. Concern how I got this way and the way I feel given that I know people usually will fail you.
4. The media really has a big effect on how people feel about their lives. It can make you think the economy is about to collapse or it can make you think that everything is picking up in swing of two days. That is why Roosevelt was such an interesting president in which he used the media to his advantage.
5. Got word or rumor that UA service may potentially be bought by Singapore Air. It makes it interesting, but also give me second thoughts about leaving.
6. I don't show up for work motivated, yet people still wants me to take on big projects Go figure, don't they realize I am a slacker?
7. I am questioning how I am going to deal with what is in my heart versus what I am doing for the next few weeks. No balance or harmony.
8. I really need to work on mine TO DO list.....It seems like time is running out and at some point I need to sacrifice one for the other.
9. I really need to go to the gym or just need to revisit the question 'what is my passion again?'.
Ahhh....maybe some sleep will help. Hopefully I laugh about this entry someday.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Hmmm Thoughts
Collision. Things that collide. The force that it may. Bring two or more items together. That were the words and thoughts that constantly flow through my mind this weekend. I got to start by saying that this is really an observation of things. Both my simple observation of the general world and of my time spent with D this weekend. Also collision often has a negative meaning to the word. So is it not that I am saying this is a good or a bad thing. But it is how it is. Meaning that the unexplained, the unplanned "thing" that just happens when forces meet.
To start, this Friday was suppose to be the day she return back to her once perfectly planned journey. She decided to make a detour back to SF this past Tuesday. Am I being selfish that I am glad she did? She miss me and I miss her and the plane, the hotel, and the WILL to make things happen brought us back together to spend 4 brief and enjoyable days. Often too short, but like all good things there is got to be an end. Not a termination nor something so definitive. But a halt. The plan was to fly her to LA, have a nice dinner, grab pink berry, and send her off to the trip that was originally intended. Again like it suppose to be. It should of been in the PLAN. But collision occurred. We were ready to fly, to take off to meet the "Plan", but then for some unexplained reason the pilot announce that one of the computers was not operating properly. One of the computers? Couldn't they swap another one or even notice it when it was coming in from the other destination? To make a long story short, our once planned flight became a delayed flight that happened 4 1/2 hrs later. Taxi in BUR took longer than usual, getting a car took unusually longer because a strange Asian kid asked about hybrid car rental and the mileage he likes to get, getting on a ramp at 9 PM (usually no traffic) had a stall car, the slow truck in the carpool lane that slowed me to 60mph (who drives that slow in LA?), the bastard that drove too slow to cause me to wait one more light at the LAX exit. All these meeting of events combined caused us to arrive 17 minutes too late to check in. By then we needed to find a place to sleep, a potential to get into a fight from the frustration of today, to reschedule her flight, and of course to figure out what is next.
We finally decided on a place, and because the computer that my friend K lend us at the airport, she was able to reschedule her flight. So what about the dinner or the pink berry? We completed that on Saturday. Because now she could not make her flight, she now has to to meet my family for the first time. Another collision? Well because now I am staying at a hotel, I've decide to change the time of my appointment and the time to eat with my family. Another summary, of what happened. I went to my accountant on Saturday instead of Sunday (which it took longer than I thought and if I were to go by my original plan on Sunday I probably would of missed my flight on Sunday) and we had Dim Sum with my family on Sunday. So how do you introduce to someone when they meeting your family for the first time especially after you got out of a long relationship? Well what if the easiest way to relief the tension is to talk about the unexplained force. Not catching a flight, talk about the trip, and hope the conversation continue on. So basically lunch concluded with D knowing more about me, an intro to the new house that my mom shared with her, and the once thought of the most uncomfortable feeling of meeting the parents just became so natural. Shortly after the lunch, we attempted to return home in just the right time to catch our plane back to SF. No collision or was there one after all?
Ironically after this happened and as I recollect the events this weekend, I discover the pleasant surprise about life and the forces between D and I. When D went on her trip for 4 month we both knew that we really did not know each other very much. We knew that we were attracted to each other, we have a good time together and we seem to just get "IT'. Yet, we also do not know a lot about each other because we had so little time to start introducing the other parts of our lives. The family, the personality when things don't go your way, and the other things that define a little bit of who you are. I couldn't help to wonder how we were going to have a future together if we did not know those things before she left on her trip. What if she return from her trip and I waited for her, we discover that we had our differences in that part of our life? A human brain gets very creative if not too creative when the unknown is ahead and sometime it just needs to know before goes a little further.
Well just over this past couple of days, she got to know my family, I saw how we handle thing when things don't go our way, she saw where I grew up, where I live, and we just found out more about each other. So a collision did occur. One can say that the collision that screw everything up, or the collision that bring the opportunity together, or just that each day we live on the collision of things around us. Sometime we just collide right and it fits. The forces meet and we sit back and smile as we recollect what happened just now.
To start, this Friday was suppose to be the day she return back to her once perfectly planned journey. She decided to make a detour back to SF this past Tuesday. Am I being selfish that I am glad she did? She miss me and I miss her and the plane, the hotel, and the WILL to make things happen brought us back together to spend 4 brief and enjoyable days. Often too short, but like all good things there is got to be an end. Not a termination nor something so definitive. But a halt. The plan was to fly her to LA, have a nice dinner, grab pink berry, and send her off to the trip that was originally intended. Again like it suppose to be. It should of been in the PLAN. But collision occurred. We were ready to fly, to take off to meet the "Plan", but then for some unexplained reason the pilot announce that one of the computers was not operating properly. One of the computers? Couldn't they swap another one or even notice it when it was coming in from the other destination? To make a long story short, our once planned flight became a delayed flight that happened 4 1/2 hrs later. Taxi in BUR took longer than usual, getting a car took unusually longer because a strange Asian kid asked about hybrid car rental and the mileage he likes to get, getting on a ramp at 9 PM (usually no traffic) had a stall car, the slow truck in the carpool lane that slowed me to 60mph (who drives that slow in LA?), the bastard that drove too slow to cause me to wait one more light at the LAX exit. All these meeting of events combined caused us to arrive 17 minutes too late to check in. By then we needed to find a place to sleep, a potential to get into a fight from the frustration of today, to reschedule her flight, and of course to figure out what is next.
We finally decided on a place, and because the computer that my friend K lend us at the airport, she was able to reschedule her flight. So what about the dinner or the pink berry? We completed that on Saturday. Because now she could not make her flight, she now has to to meet my family for the first time. Another collision? Well because now I am staying at a hotel, I've decide to change the time of my appointment and the time to eat with my family. Another summary, of what happened. I went to my accountant on Saturday instead of Sunday (which it took longer than I thought and if I were to go by my original plan on Sunday I probably would of missed my flight on Sunday) and we had Dim Sum with my family on Sunday. So how do you introduce to someone when they meeting your family for the first time especially after you got out of a long relationship? Well what if the easiest way to relief the tension is to talk about the unexplained force. Not catching a flight, talk about the trip, and hope the conversation continue on. So basically lunch concluded with D knowing more about me, an intro to the new house that my mom shared with her, and the once thought of the most uncomfortable feeling of meeting the parents just became so natural. Shortly after the lunch, we attempted to return home in just the right time to catch our plane back to SF. No collision or was there one after all?
Ironically after this happened and as I recollect the events this weekend, I discover the pleasant surprise about life and the forces between D and I. When D went on her trip for 4 month we both knew that we really did not know each other very much. We knew that we were attracted to each other, we have a good time together and we seem to just get "IT'. Yet, we also do not know a lot about each other because we had so little time to start introducing the other parts of our lives. The family, the personality when things don't go your way, and the other things that define a little bit of who you are. I couldn't help to wonder how we were going to have a future together if we did not know those things before she left on her trip. What if she return from her trip and I waited for her, we discover that we had our differences in that part of our life? A human brain gets very creative if not too creative when the unknown is ahead and sometime it just needs to know before goes a little further.
Well just over this past couple of days, she got to know my family, I saw how we handle thing when things don't go our way, she saw where I grew up, where I live, and we just found out more about each other. So a collision did occur. One can say that the collision that screw everything up, or the collision that bring the opportunity together, or just that each day we live on the collision of things around us. Sometime we just collide right and it fits. The forces meet and we sit back and smile as we recollect what happened just now.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
sssuuuzzzzuuuukkkkkiiiiii
Finally got a chance to ride my motorcycle after the winter season. It appears that spring is arriving and the weather here confirms this. I started off today trying to dust off the bike that has been sitting out for the past 4 months. Getting on a bike seems odd at first. It almost as if everything seems foreign but like they says you start to remember as you get started. Riding a motorcycle has always been something that I wanted to do. My burn scars shows the evidence of a stupid young kid trying to climb up a bike. Although I do like the sport, I realize that I am not young anymore and the being careful and staying alive is more important.
So my weakness or areas to work on.
- the steep turns on high speed.
- making a u-turn on local streets.
- avoid dead animals.
My ride today consist of riding locally around my area and test how long it would take if I ride to my work everyday. The good thing about having a bike is that it saves a lot of gas. I believe that motorcycle will get more popular as the price of gas continue to rise. Maybe Asia was just ahead our us in our destiny. But anyways, one of the route I took was riding along the 280. The beauty of riding a bike is that you notice things that you would not usually notice in a car. I finally saw how beautiful the golf course is. If I get a chance, I like to play it. Also the lake that separates half moon bay and 280 really make you realize how the area has its little hidden secrets. I notice that the water resemble the surface of black coal with the reflection of the sky making it a truly amazing view. As I ride, it makes it easy to be wowed by it all and forget that I am going 70+ miles per hour with the cold wind making my bones numb. Overall a great ride back and I forgot to get my coffee. But I think I got my boost of high for today.
So my weakness or areas to work on.
- the steep turns on high speed.
- making a u-turn on local streets.
- avoid dead animals.
My ride today consist of riding locally around my area and test how long it would take if I ride to my work everyday. The good thing about having a bike is that it saves a lot of gas. I believe that motorcycle will get more popular as the price of gas continue to rise. Maybe Asia was just ahead our us in our destiny. But anyways, one of the route I took was riding along the 280. The beauty of riding a bike is that you notice things that you would not usually notice in a car. I finally saw how beautiful the golf course is. If I get a chance, I like to play it. Also the lake that separates half moon bay and 280 really make you realize how the area has its little hidden secrets. I notice that the water resemble the surface of black coal with the reflection of the sky making it a truly amazing view. As I ride, it makes it easy to be wowed by it all and forget that I am going 70+ miles per hour with the cold wind making my bones numb. Overall a great ride back and I forgot to get my coffee. But I think I got my boost of high for today.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Catch 22
I am having one of those time in my life asking myself the question of: what is going on? Recently met this wonder girl through a friend of mine. We had a wonderful time together before she went off on the trip of a life time. Being the careful person that I am, I control how close I would expose myself given the fact that she will be gone for 4 months. Who ever heard of sustaining a relationship with someone for 4 month after you just met 4 weeks ago? So I thought I got it all figure out except that it seems like naturally we grew closer even in the minutes before she got on that plane to start her trip. So I thought it was done. The future uncertain. I'll take that uncertainty and understand that if our relationship some how dimmer away or maybe if I am lucky she return and we can maybe start to go on dates again. At least the certain is that everything is uncertain and undefined emotionally. Yet like with everything else between us, it just fits. I was able to get on a plane to meet her in Antigua last weekend. Not very confident if that was going to be the right thing to do or have any expectation. I took a blind leap. Yet that weekend was amazing. Unexpected, I felt closer to her, faster then I ever thought that I would with anyone. From that weekend I confirm that she felt the same way about all of this as I am about her. My feeling grew stronger and that is when my complication begins.
Yet after a week has passed and returned back to my normal life, I wonder what I felt was so real last weekend was with someone that was too good to be true. I don't doubt the feeling I have for her nor I doubt her feeling for me. But the fact still remains that she will be gone for 4 months. Maybe it is the skeptic in me. Time away seems to make the hear wonder. Knowing her nature and it is the same free spirit heart that I love about her, I can some how see that time can sway the heart to another place. Not that is malicious intend, but it is that makeup and that strong passion that gives that possibility. So with the knowledge of that unknown and the known that I am falling for her, I find myself trying to prevent my possible disappoint in the 4 months.
So my dilemma lies in the fact that something inside of me tells me that this is too good to be true. I find myself question whether I should stay away from contacting her. Not that I want to, but being a self confess immature boy in the matters of the heart, I am really considering backing off. To step back and look at it all. If I did not meet her, she would be on this trip to meet someone during a trip. It would build such a romantic tale. A tale that I know she would love to have in memory. In a way by being with me, I would be cheating her away from that experience. I am not sure what is next, but this is the random thoughts of someone falling in love with someone who he can not be with for 4 months. I don't know the answer to this nor I can foresee the outcome. But I record this today so that I can come back and read about it later to compare history with present.
Yet after a week has passed and returned back to my normal life, I wonder what I felt was so real last weekend was with someone that was too good to be true. I don't doubt the feeling I have for her nor I doubt her feeling for me. But the fact still remains that she will be gone for 4 months. Maybe it is the skeptic in me. Time away seems to make the hear wonder. Knowing her nature and it is the same free spirit heart that I love about her, I can some how see that time can sway the heart to another place. Not that is malicious intend, but it is that makeup and that strong passion that gives that possibility. So with the knowledge of that unknown and the known that I am falling for her, I find myself trying to prevent my possible disappoint in the 4 months.
So my dilemma lies in the fact that something inside of me tells me that this is too good to be true. I find myself question whether I should stay away from contacting her. Not that I want to, but being a self confess immature boy in the matters of the heart, I am really considering backing off. To step back and look at it all. If I did not meet her, she would be on this trip to meet someone during a trip. It would build such a romantic tale. A tale that I know she would love to have in memory. In a way by being with me, I would be cheating her away from that experience. I am not sure what is next, but this is the random thoughts of someone falling in love with someone who he can not be with for 4 months. I don't know the answer to this nor I can foresee the outcome. But I record this today so that I can come back and read about it later to compare history with present.
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