Boiler Room

I can't believe I've literally walked into a movie today and now sitting here in my apartment wondering what is next. I just went on an interview with a private investment firm that interviewed me for a project manager position. These past couple of days, I've spent preparing and brushing up on my interview skills. I got to admit that not having to interview for the past 3 years really made me aware how much work it takes to get ready for an interview. I use to be able to do an interview on the fly and know my elevator pitch with the drop of a dime. If I would to interview more in the future I would need to brush up more on my sales skills. Nevertheless I think I did well today and they may extend me an offer in about two weeks.

Ironically, I don't know if it would be something that I would say "Yes" to. The owner of the firm is one of the top investment gurus and renown writer for Forbes magazine for the past 30 years. He is always known for his unorthodox market assessment. Most of the time he is an contrarian which has helped him build his reputation for his forecasting ability of future market trend and his triple digit returns year over year have made him one of the most wealthiest person in the US. The headquarter of this firm is no different. It is situated in the hills of Woodside in a private residential area. Getting there required winding roads through skyline and eventually reaching a giant ranch with a cast iron security gate. After passing the security gate, a parking lot filled with European and high end Japanese cars as if they were in display for a show. Upon entering such establishment, I soon realize all eyes are on me. I was not sure why at the beginning, until I noticed that I was the only one that did not fit the typical mode of this place. It is like as if I walked into a frat house back in college where everyone decided to shop at brooks brothers. All the guys were your typical twenties and thirty year old making some good money and thinking that their shit don't stink. If you have to carbon copy people, here is the place to be. You have to be white, over 5'10, toss around a stress ball, compete to see who can talk the most smack to each other, and have a half genuine smile on your face. As for the ladies, they are blond and more blond. There were some Asians, but I think they were office clerks and maybe one Asian girl who looked like a investment trader, but gave me the weirdest look as if I'm from outer space. It made me realize that this is all becoming too familiar. At my first company, we had a division like this, except I was the one laughing as these chumps. These were kids who have such big heads that you wouldn't believe because they were pulling 6 digits, motivated by the movie Wall Street when they were a baby, outside the office they feel like they were superior to everyone else and yet they would lick their own asses if their supervisor told them to do so. Yes I am being brash. But this is the environment that I walked into today. So this so very atypical firm with everyone's desk situated together with no offices nor cubicles. People here seldom go out to lunch because they order online and it gets delivered to their desk. Plus they brag on the fact they have a tower that over look the pacific ocean and the entire peninsula. What can I say, I turn put on my pretentious hat and made sure that they need me more than I needed them. The interview manager seems to take bait and despite the initial raise the eyebrow of my appearance, he seems to see that he can use my skills.

So upon my further research tonight, I found out one of the film called Boiler Room was about this exact firm. It is the real life dog eat dog world of investment firms and the heat that is put on you when you were in a place like this. Seeing the movie and now going to this place really made me understand that sometime movie does a good job of capturing real life. The attitude were so thick that you can literally use a knife to cut it.

So with that, I am at a point of questioning whether I can be in the boiler room again. This job potentially would be a stepping stone to my goal of working in a top banking company such as Lehman or JP. Also if I decide to move overseas, having financial experience would definitely help. But will it change me so much that I don't even like myself anymore? Even worse will it change me so that I don't even know that I changed. Well I have a few days to think about it, at least this falls into my plan of a backup in case UA decides major layoff and I'm one of the casualties. So I have a few things to consider now. But for now I am looking forward to the week ahead and just put this aside for now.

Reflect on Vegas Weekend

Sometimes it is the company that makes the occasion. This weekend in Vegas with the guys really makes that a true statement. I call it a gathering, because sometime it takes that much effort just to get people together from different countries to meet in one place. Yet with people coming from NY, Japan, Vietnam, Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, and San Jose, the geographic disparity and the challenge of people's schedules, we manage to come together for one memorable weekend yet with so little effort. I guess the original AAC (D,B, K,K,B) were all in attendance. I couldn't imagine that it was just about a year go that we all sat at the red brick room and talked about how one day we will all be overseas. Now everyone is all over the place. Some overseas while others stayed behind. Each in different country or cities. Each living their life a little different from a year ago. Typically the distance would draw people apart, yet amazingly when we came together it was like when we were back in San Francisco. I can tell from everyone, as expected, have grown in their own way base on their experiences from the past year. Yet we maintain the fundamental of our friendship. There were moments of nostalgia, frustration, initiation, and bonding that led to creating new memories this weekend. But the bottom line is that as I read people's faces and reactions, I realize that when it comes down to it, we have our friendship to help us drive this continue bond among all of us.


Maybe that is why when we do come together to hang out, we act like boys. Allowing ourselves to just hang loose, not be judged, and play like as if we were kids at a playground. Of course I think we feed on each other sometimes and this weekend were no different. So true to the comment that boys will be boys. We of course we will go back to our responsible ways after the weekend, but it was good to be a kid again with close friends. Despite the opportunity to act like as nothing has change, the true the matter is that from this trip I also sense that the boys are getting older and ready to move to the next level. Maybe not all will move at the same speed, but in similar directions. So I hope in the future, each of our individual chapters can include a little of each other's stories.

As much as we try to hide it, I can tell that each person missed one another and wished that the weekend didn't have to end so quickly. I still remember, we sat around the pool with a group of 6 people squeeze in a small gazebo so that we can chat away on what has happen in each of our live, what we wish to happen, and even give ourselves time for the little none sense of daily things that we can later reflect to smile about. But like all things it must comes to and end. But at least we left knowing that each other are okay and despite the fact that everyone is apart to work on their own stories, we know that one day we will be back together again. So with that I say this past weekend in Vegas was a celebration of friendship that just begun. I am extremely thankful to have friends like them and to have the luxury to build memories in Vegas in the spring of 2008.

Remind me.....what?

Sometime I just need a little reminder about what I agreed to myself. This is something totally random, but I was channel surfing and came across a movie called, 'If Only'. The first thing that caught my eye was some dude reading a letter and weeping like a baby. I thought to myself what a little bitch! Someone should slap him and they shouldn't show this kind of stuff on TV. Certain things just looks weird to me, like the fact this guy is crying like a girl and curled in bed in fetal position on a king size bed. Luckily for me, I could switch to the other channel which is showing playoff hockey. Where men can actually still be men. I was about to change the channel, until the next scene showed Jennifer Love Hewitt. Wow she is hot!!! So being a guy that I am I had to watch what this is about. Come on, she was in her Hanes underwear!! So anyways, the storyline of the movie is about a guy who worked intensely on his career, but yet left little time for his relationship. Each day he had his opportunity, but his own fear to reveal himself and maybe a little neglect that things will always be there, left things unsaid. Until one evening his girlfriend and him got into a cab together. They got into a car accident which eventually kills her. That is where the story really begins. When he woke up the next morning, he finds her next to him as if that night was all but a dream. But all the events throughout the day indicates that inevitable was about to happen. He is left with the question of how he will try to live out the last 24 hours with her. Which eventually like all movies, he learn to open up to the one that he love, made the most out of the day because that is all he has left with her, and miraculously his leap of faith by taking a chance also helped her conquer her own fears. So the accident did happen. The only ironic twist is that an the end of the car accident, she was not the one that passed away, but instead she was the one that got left behind.



So that movie serve a good reminder that sometimes we need to live like there is no tomorrow because you never know when it could be your last. Also it is okay to take a chance and just live and know that good things happen when you let go. If you are lucky, you are able to share your life with someone before the inevitable thing call death approached you. As good as that movie serve a good reminder about life is short and how you should enjoy it. It also left me with the thought that man this dude cry a lot in this movie. Someone should really slap him. Hahahah. But also the reality is that time is about a balance of living like there is no tomorrow and also life is very much like what I see from watching a playoff hockey. That is, there is always a winner and a looser. Sometime you just don't make the right moves, sometime you are lucky to get a goal, and sometimes you make the most out of your opportunity with your team mates in hope that something good will happen. Then there are time you just enjoy the moment because that maybe your one and only chance. So bottom line, enjoy it.


Well enough of that fluffy stuff. Luckily I also had a chance to hang out at a bar to recover my manhood. Watched men playing hockey and use their strength to beat each other up. Wow almost went overboard on the metro sexual stuff. Ah...how funny the way the mind works.

Movement

* A friend expecting their second kid after just nine months having their first.
* A friend continue to pursue a girl in San Jose despite the obvious of just friends sign.
* The uncertainty of having a job in the next month, yet I feel indifferent about the topic.
* A friend has the honor to carry the Olympic torch but it was short lived.
* A friend forfeit 30K and can still laugh about it, but I know it hurts.
* A friend says he will be married by this year and yet he does not have a girlfriend.
These are the things that crossed my path this week. I am not sure what to write about them, but I thought I should at least record these little things that happen. I think stories are everywhere and it is just matter of listen more carefully to people. So what is my little story at this moment? For this week I tried to rehearse in my mind the idea of keeping things simple. Since I can remember I always felt like I needed to be in motion of constantly doing things. I guess when I was a kid I was told that I never have enough time and if I don't keep busy then I am wasting time. That is not something you say to a 7 year old, but that stuck to me. As I've gotten older and not wiser, I realize often the things I pursue I get most of the time and sometime I don't get. But I am for sure guilty of thinking more about the things that I did not get instead of the things that I got. If I would to look back, shortly after I graduated I wanted a house and a few months later I got a house. Then I wanted to travel to Europe like everyone else and a few months later I took an incredible trip with an united nation of friends. Then there was the time that I wanted to buy a Mercedes because I like the one I saw on the San Mateo bridge, a few months later I got my car to celebrate the millennium. Then there was the time when I wanted to be able to travel like I own a jet, so a few months later I got a job with an airline so I can travel to see my family in LA while able to travel to places that I always dreamed about. But for some reason, this year I keep thinking that I still have so much I need to do and I don't seem to have the time to do them. I got to admit some of these things I just put off and I question whether I am motivated to do them. I think as I gotten older I gotten more extreme on the idea of being in constant motion. There are days when I need to keep moving, otherwise I feel like there is something wrong and then there are days when I am the exact opposite. I can probably say it is age, but I think it is in a way just understanding that not everything weight that heavy. Not getting is sometime as good as getting something. So there comes to my reason of trying to keep things simple. No simple to the sense that I just get by, but simple so that the stuff that I am after does not weight me down.

So for this past week, I am taking a page out of Bobby Fisher's play book. I decide to hold back on my activities so I stand back and understand this chess game of life. So every one's story is developing and I wonder what my next chapter is about. I am little bit nervous, a little bit all over the place, and a lot excited to see how things will be.

Much about nothing

The power of the media and how it influence the environment and ultimately effects the way we feel. One example of this non intrusive act can be seen or experienced from the arrival of the Olympic torch and the anticipated protest that comes with it. I find it interesting the topic of Tibet can quickly morph into many areas and in so many people's lives now. I find myself a part of of this 'mix'. What I mean mix, I am talk about how unexpectedly a topic can alter the things around us. Both artificial as well as organically the 'mix' became part of us. This is how this ultra sensitive Cancerian came up with his bias conclusion call the 'mix'.

Since the the start of 2008, the anticipation of the Olympic in China began to grow. The world economy excluding Asia began to crumble with the sub prime as the main cause. Presidential race intensify and Bush's rating hits an all time low. The Fed came with fiscal policies to stop the bleeding of the economy which did very little. Then you hear about the protest in Tibet with the cause by a protester threatening the foreign visitors. That trigger China using excessive force and of course the riots in Tibet to emerge. As the torch travel to Paris and London, protesters tried to put out the torch and now at the eve of the arrival of the torch to SF, some people who were chosen to carry the torch decided to back out because of the possible security threat.

So what is the purpose of this listing these events. I think that the power of the media really effects how we feel or define our reality at any given moment. The issue with Tibet been going on for years and protest always existed. But since the media coverage of the protest has been so intensive as of late, I've notice a change in my surrounding. People are generally a little bit more on the edge. I drive on the freeway everyday and I notice other people including me been cut off by other drivers more frequently than usual. At the gym more arguement among people that plays together. In general people are just more aggressive. At the coffee shop that I usually go to, I see less smiles by the patrons. At lunch I heard political discussion of how candidates and government office needs reform. (One interesting fact about ease dropping is I've learn that private funding to presidential candidate is a constitutional right that falls under the freedom of speech. I laugh at that statement since Asia must be the most free speech place in the whole world and not the US). Then the other day I learn a friend of mine been chosen as part of the 40 people who will carry the torch on Wednesday. She sent out an email asking people how they feel about the protest and the meaning of carrying the torch. I've notice there were less coverage in the news on how bad the economy is and more on Tibet. The rise in stock market been the benefactor.

So what is my point to all this. Well there isn't any. The interesting thing about the 'mix' is that it is different for everyone but yet in certain ways it all stem from the same. It is like saying how does the color red makes you feel. You know that is it a color, you know that it effects people, but you can not conclude how it effects people and what will always happen next with one conclusive statement.

So I think I end my blog entry with a bunch of question instead. What if we did not cover the Olympic torch and China's treatment to Tibet? What if instead the media cover more on the people of Iraq and their current state of their country? What if the media cover more on the Haitians protest to their government on the high cost of food in that country? What if media cover on the discovery that 41% of US government workers miss used 14 billion dollars on personal items? What if media covered how Australia continue its incredible GDP growth over the past decade? What if media covered how a little island outside of Japan contains the largest population of people over 90 and investigate their secrets?

So here is my prediction for the next couple of months: You will not hear an announcement from China to do much about Tibet except to say they will look into the matter closely. The presidential election will occur and the blame game begins with continue drop in the stock market and the full swing into recession. Then you will see how the the global economy will take a sharp down turn which triggers political reform in many populous countries. A nominal grow emerge in S. America, Russia, and SE Asia. Green economy will fill the news after the 2008 Olympic.

Okay enough fun playing the fortune teller. Let me check back on this and see how wrong or right I am about all of this.

Light on...Light off

I've read an article awhile back about the study of the human brain. I wanted to write about it. But as I think more into it, it is not an easy thing to write because when I start writing I incorporate my bias into into it. Maybe I just don't have the words or even my random thoughts about this topic. Even if I write, I would continue to write in an infinite loop of consciousness. So post it and come back later.

But things are funny that way. Whether this is science, man made, or just 2oth century zen. Regardless, when I read about these two things it made me wonder how life is really "Wacky".
----------

Hedonic Adaptation —the brain's natural dimming effect.

vs/and

Focusing Illusion - Cognitive bias.

Weekend...a little out a little in

Out:
Went to my first Bo Nuong Cha dinner party with some massive craw fish boil....Pretty interesting dinner party. But the smell stays in my clothes and hands for a day.
Birthday song at Mint. Drunk people are funny. Especially weird ones that keeps pointing at me.........Many people can really sing and many people can not.

In:
Completed chapter 3 and chapter 4. Caught up on class.....Man I really need to get studying on this. Studying is getting harder. I need to be more focused.
Conversation with Kumar for an hour.....Why certain things he says will hit an area that I keep ponder about? Can it be true?
Self reflection.....Seeing the 737 take off is a beauty. A second later, a hawk carries a twig to its nest. Very cool. If I can have a basic super power I would want to fly.

During my life I've learn that sometime I need to start listening and pay attention to things around me. A conversation with Kumar somehow made me think about whether he said is true. Am I really going to repeat that again? Aside from what he said, I've notice little hints that often seem ridiculous to everyone else but seems to speak to me. The signs that I often ignore before and then came back to bite me. One thing is for sure though. I definitely not a ninja like JL...instead I think I rather be a jedi.

I think base on what I know thus far. I am going to sum my thoughts as this: Shift Happens.


So for the funny conversation:


Conversation #1:

"Wow you really grew up. I see you developed real nice speed bumps over there!"



Conversation #2:

Woman #1 said, "I think he is different from what I'm use to".

Woman #2 said, "Different?......Having a peanut butter and spinach sandwich is different. But I don't think anyone go out there and say hey.......I like to try one."

Conversation #3:

Dude #1 said. "You have such bad memory. I've told you that before."

Dude #2 said, "Really I don't remember, but I am getting older and I've notice I forget more."

Dude #1 said. " Yeah you should stop doing all that drinking and staying up late all the time."

Dude # 2 said, "Yeah you are probably right. So what do you want to do next weekend?"

Dude #1 said, "Hmm, how about I come up, you bring some people out, we do some drinking and party all night?"
Dude #2 said, "Hmm....Okay. See you next weekend!"

Conversation # 4

Person #1 said, "I am not fat. I just carry a lot of water weight." .....

Person #2 said, "No. I don't think so. It is not the water that make you fat. It is the fat that makes you fat!"

Conversation #5

Person #1 said, "I like to talk about the war that is going on here."

Person #2 said, "There is no war here, unless you brought it with you."

...........

The last conversation is what I am thinking about right now. Is it "war" that I am going towards or am I bringing "it" with me?

Exponential....Diverge....Converge

Okay so the title seems odd. But it is single word or interval of words in my thoughts about the last couple of days ever since the start of last weekend. I can not begin to describe what I mean. Yet maybe when I look back at this entry someday, I can finally make sense of it all.

Last weekend was fill with the meeting of friends. Some I have not seen in awhile, some I don't know if I will ever see again, some I'm not sure if it was a good idea to see, and some you wonder why you see. Overall it is the experience and the unexpected lesson that life has to offer. People come into my life and seldom I have judgement of whether it is bad or good. I tend to think that it is a small miracle of having the opportunity to experience it regardless whether that was good time or bad time.

As for early this week, it is about seeing friends of friends. It is also about getting friends to meet friends. Many are different people, yet they are so similar. Just they don't know that yet. I seems to think that this week is about the setup. Merging of people that I often do not have the chance to see and build the environment for people to meet. This is the inception of what I think it maybe for my guy friends. Another words, they better execute because I've set the stage for them.

So for the exponential of this past couple of day, its most obvious illustration was tonight. My friend C-Man can to visit from NY. My other friend H and I decide to setup happy hour and dinner. Then the one email comment of the more the merrier became suddenly so true. From the original of 3 people, became a night of 19 people at happy hour and creating a huge bill at OSHA. They are all different people and of course the guys are happy with the ratio. Man can I pimp them out or what? Hahhaha....there are not enough single guys friends these days. But hey I am not hearing complaints from them. It was a fun night that close the last 6 days perfectly. Now I have the weekend to start over again. But this time tamed and with hopefully more focus on my self development than just going outside with people

One thing is for sure. Although I am grateful for having the opportunity to be out and spend every night with different people, I have to say it has put a financial crunch on me. Having 50 dollar dinner every night and then get drinks, can not be the best for my bank account. I realize I should save money, because hey I have a feeling I will need it soon. Being unemployed eats up the saving fast. Plus I am going to Vegas soon and that will do a lot of damage. Ahhhh am I cheap or what? But until I find a better paying job this is how it is. I trade the money for the experience of freedom and the opportunity to travel. It helped with checking off the bucket list. Well I think everything has its trade off. People can judge me or they can say anything, but I live a fuller life than the average dead person.

Well to cap off the night....I toast to all the people that I did not get a chance to say hello tonight. Let it be known in cyberspace that I have thought about all my close friends tonight. I miss you and I'm am honor to have you in my life and in my memory.

Spring - The season of change

I have notice that things are changing. It is a bit weird, but I know that ever year spring arrives and its an indication of change, but for some reason this year seems to catch my attention more than usual. Here are a few thing I notice or maybe I finally notice that things are different:

1. When did they put Spanish instruction on TV dinners? If you think about it, it takes English to get that TV dinner to your hands. The language you use to get you the money to buy food. The signs and bill board showed you how to get to and from the market. The instruction to tell you how to operate the microwave. The electric bill that you read to see how much it cost you to cook that thing. Basically I am saying a common language is what brings people together. Use English dam it!

2. My company officially just cut 25% in capital spending, the probability of cutting operational spending (job cuts) is very likely. I am not sure how I feel about this. I am on one hand kinda looking forward to be laid off so I can go on vacation and just be a bum for a month or so. Yet on the other hand I can't help but to wonder what if I get laid off for a long period of time. Imagine if I lack the funds to enjoy the stuff that I am use to. Imagine what damage that would do to my social life. The questioning of "WHAT IF" comes up a lot. According to what I've read, happy people don't ask "What IF" questions. But potentially not having a cash flow makes me ask myself that more than usual. So basically being happy is hard to do.

3. My knee been hurting more than usual. In fact it bothers me even while I am sitting at my desk or just laying in bed. Oh man, the inhumanity!!! I am concern because I find pleasure in doing sports such as basketball and hockey. But with my knee, I have to wonder how long can I play sports. Again dam it, that "WHAT IF" question.

4. Lately I've been hearing a lot conversation about dating, marriage, divorce, and time. I've notice that people has a lot of anxiety build in them. It seems as though people really worry majority of the time they are alive. Yet sometime I encounter those who are the exception. I wonder if I can be part of that exception? I sometime wonder if that anxiety is something that is program into us when we are young by our parents. You got to plan, you got to do something for your future, you got to take care of us when we get old, you got an opportunity that we did not have, and you got, you got to, you gotta etc..etc..etc... We got to be the most stressful people ever in history.

These couple of days, I've notice a lot of other things that tells me this year will be a year to remember. Not sure why or how I came to that conclusion. But I am too tired to remember or reflect on them. I guess time will tell if this is true or just another seasonal change.