2 B not Thankful this holiday

For the Thanksgiving holiday I decided to drive down LA for the long weekend. It is funny how much I think when I have 5+ hours of staring at the rear lights of cars. But I am typing this on my laptop as I am making my second drive to Vegas. Yes this few days I would of traveled over 600+ miles. But then again it is during these times that a few things that comes to mind of this wanderer.

First thought: A life friendship detoured. This week I heard details of D's friendship with T went ultimately unpleasant for the both people. It is rather sad I think and in so many ways it is unfair. But yet it is also just a part of life that brings the unpredictable to everyone of us. Since this is the holiday season, I am reminded that it is those unpredictable things in life are what we should be thankful for. Life is about remembering the memories that are good and as well as those that were the bad. I think friends is a gift and a long lasting friendship is a gem. Often time the difficult things that plague a beautiful friendship is often the same thing that turn any relationships astray. For instance, D and T been friends for a long time. Long enough that an infant can become a teenage. In very much the same way, the morphisms of life also makes it difficult for friendship to continue or just sustain. People come into a person's life and it change who s/he is and how s/he treats other people. The most difficult part is knowing what to do about that nature's formula. Whether the change that just happened is permanent or not, does not matter. The thing is that we changed once it enters our life. So many times we are so resistant to change. The change that happens in our friends' life, in our life and in family's life. I think majority of the time, people can say and probably diagnosis how much the other person has changed and can come up with a reason or even a highly logical solution. But the most difficult part and often overlooked is the change with one's self that took place or that needed to take place. As a child we tend to look at things as one. Understand that the origin and then learn to use our developed deductive reasoning to trace to the end. I am not sure if life is just that simple? The complexity and also the beauty of life is that it is a cumulative of many things and never ever just one. That is how life works and maybe why very often it defy our logic. This is an alchemist's dream. Life's DNA structure requires all the x and y factors to make it work. That is why it is so difficult to understand life sometimes and for some people may just declare it a mystery. Because life changes so often, maybe we shouldn't weight too much on the changes that come with friendship, but instead embrace that it is different and learn to navigate it. In the famous word of fashion designer Tim Gunn, "Make it Work".

Second thought: Letting go is sometime so hard to do. I can think of how this applies to so many things. I think we constantly, or even just can't resist but to look back how things was. Somehow we may use the past to build the case that this is how it should be for the future. But in reality how reasonable is that? When is it time to let go? I see that in my mom and her
relationship with her children. Every time I go back home I feel like I'm going back in time to my childhood days. Sometime the letting go is not just needed for her, but for me as well. Childhood memories are sometimes hard to erase, difficult to deal with and maybe sometime I just try to do the best with what I got so far. I believe that all family has it share of sadness and as well as happiness. But what still puzzle me til this day is my inability to not being able put things behind me. I am handicapped or inapt in that matter. All logic says that the past is the past and the future is determine by what you start doing today. Yet what if when I return I get reminded of the past. Maybe that is why I tend to get the sense of being lost when I am back at home. I see this not so much as my family burden but my own, because at what point do I let go or at what point can it not be a reason. Could it be that all this time I thought that the emotional high maintenance that I was experiencing is actually slowly transferring to me? No doubt it is a bit scary to think that all these years there are still unresolved issues. I am bipolar in the sense that when I am home I get that sudden comfort that I couldn't get anywhere else except being back in what I once know. Then there is the other side. I am sadden to see that I still struggle with many things even though I have in the past been able to having things distract me. As I forecast, I do know that I have another hurdle to leap in the coming months, then we will see how that may bring things back in peace. I know that I can resolve things as a resolution requires more than one person. I do know what need to be done by me, but it is a matter of getting to that medium of making it work for myself spiritually. The next stage should be interesting, as I know that it is approaching. To think of it, would anybody who really know me expect me to do it any other way? To quote Dr. Chopra:

Option 1) Suffering is an Opportunity to happiness. Sharing your joy. Live in the present moment.
Option 2) Suffering is not necessary if you reach happiness first. By reaching your consciousness and enlightenment.

Hmmmm....I wonder which one am I choosing right now?