Eve of Christmas

Yesterday was a sad day. Christmas eve, unable to get to my family, I was forced to have Jack in the Box for dinner. I guess the jumbo jack served as my turkey with stuffing. Tasty, very tasty I must believe. Now this morning, I woke on Christmas day to catch my flight to Los Angeles. I briefly caught the Christmas story on TV and for some strange reason I begin to think about my prior conversations and other events that took place in the last couple of weeks. For some reason I think the Christmas story reminds me of the conservatives of once was and what is today. I think conservative always hold on to the past. They see the tradition and often enforce some sort of control over matters. In a way I find that often lacking in today’s world. If you look at the Christmas story and other memorable TV shows, they often display the level of innocents or even naiveness of both the actors in the show and the audience. Simple thing such as respect law enforcement, or a student to watch out for that teacher that will send you to detention are to be respected. In a way being conservative pull you back a little in the way you think. Yet if we choose to be more progressive, often tag as for liberal, we seek to test the water. Seek to change the status quot on how things are done and believe that all should deserve a bit more. These two things can conflict and often people seem to have to choose either one side or choose one political party. When I look at it, the conservative and the liberals are in many ways in the two boats sailing the same sea searching the same destination, yet totally opposite paths. The thing we will all admit is that when it comes to the holidays or just the general respect of each are just not the same anymore. Something got lost in the time that has passed. As a conservative I am right to think that things were wonderful, yet it would be foolish to think that things will never change. But as a liberal, I also would probably agree that some wonderful things got lost, yet progressive events will make things better. Yet it is foolish for me as a liberal to think that progressive liberalism does not promote some level of chaos or the lost of time kept tradition. Funny thing is that as time has passed I see the conservative of today will die. The liberal will evolve. Part of the liberals will eventually slow down their progression and morph into modern day conservatives, while another part of liberals will seek higher progression. Thus that epic battle continues when someone will say “those dam liberals” and those narrow minded conservative.

So why do I say this. I think when you look at pop culture and the things that we grew up with were at one time once testing the waters. When you roll back the clock you remember how it was cutting edge. But when compare with present time it seems so innocent. With this holiday season I am reminded that sometime a little bit of conservativeness is missed and needed to be preserved, while the excitement for the liberal movement is to be welcomed to the new year and to move with the conscious social responsibility.

Tears for Fears

Tears for fears: People are people, so what should you do……A song by the 80’s that probably have nothing to do with what I am writing about, but come closest to what circulates my mind as I sit here waiting for my flight home from Tokyo.

So far in my life time I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to travel outside of the United States. Some places I’ve visited once, others I made repeated visits, and the rest I get narrative from those that live there. From those direct and indirect experiences, I can think of two natural observations when a person travels. You either notice the difference or you notice the similarities of those that you meet in your travels. I am sure if I were to examine more carefully I would notice the new things. But that observation would be a bit more exhausting since human natural is to align the environment to one’s self, instead the reverse.

I had other things to write about this, but after a week of break from writing this entry I’ve forgotten what I needed to write about. Maybe the point of all this is that sometimes you just has that one moment to capture the new things. I can write about the how things are alike or how things are different, but there are moments when my vision widen and I fortunate to see the new. Such a shame to not internalize when those moments occurs.

Seeking Neutron

It is funny how one discussion with D about Mr O and his economic policy lead to someone writing about the same thing the next day. I wonder if our skype conversation is tapped.

http://www.minyanville.com/articles/deflation-japan-lost-decade-keynesian-bernanke-spending-minyanville/index/a/25229/from/yahoo

I can't put it such eloquent words nor do I read enough economic books to reference these authors mentioned in the article. But I can say that my thought of the impact of the "stimulus" plan is from just a simple connection of cause and effect. Understanding the multiple degree of separation with the "player" of economy along with the social dynamic of people with their basic need for comfort (safety). At lot of what I've said are mentioned in the article. But what I did not put together is how deflation of an economy. I wonder if the collapse of the banks is just a deflation of the economy. A clean house like or even just the true evaluation of true wealth of people. I wonder what the Keynesian theorist are wondering now. I am not to favor one economic theory versus the other. I just think it is a chemical mixture, that both can be false and both can be true. Like the positive or negative electrons. It works on when you infuse both the negative and positive. Otherwise too much on one side lead that element to break down.

But what is the solution? Well it will take a lot. But the first step right now is to fix the indicators that we are using to report the wrong information to people. Yet we continue to use it to drive our decisions. I am talking about the out dated economic indicators that we use. Since many adopted in 1930's a lot has change. The core economic drivers of the US and the world are very different today versus 10 or even 50 years ago. Not to mention also the social economic behavior of people. Indicators is just a way to show how people will behave to money. So in my opinion how we behave with money changed a long time ago. So for example the methodology which is use to capture inflation, ever wonder what gets' factor into that number and what doesn't? Imagine if it did factor food and energy. Although I know those are high fluctuations, but wouldn't it paint a more accurate picture of what is rising or falling. Imagine if these reports gets a face lift. The impact (negative and positive) will cause mutual funds, banks, government, and you can continue to name to change their "WORK". This chain reaction will have high impact on what we are really dealing with and maybe we can start focus on the real problems. So that "WORK" is monsterous. These are what returns the fund actually produce, interest rate policies, monetary supplies, adjustment to social security, and the list just continue on and on. Larger than most people could understand it or be able to recognize until it gets worked into the economy, but having correct numbers scare the crap out of the government, banks, and the most wealthy. Oh well I can only hope. The truth the matter is, there are a lot of people who benefit from not having the right measures. So we will see. I wonder if this thought I have just written down will emerge someday in political and economic discussion. But for now, another article (mean) to justify my past conclusion (end).

World Teachings

It is nice to see that some people are realizing what I've been blogging about for a long time. For awhile I thought I was the only one noticing what was around me. I just wonder when people will finally see what O is and is not. The sad thing is that the needed overhaul is spreading across the world because we've done so well in selling the wrong. Oh well I doubt much will change, but I can still hope. Maybe it is not about the audacity of hope and change, but about the deliverance of integrity and what is rightful.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/wall-street-run-amok-blame-harvard.aspx?GT1=33002

With that said, I don't know too much about the guy, but John Mack from Morgan is winning my respect. Quote from him: “Stand up for what you believe in. Do what you think is right. Be prepared to suffer the consequences. But don’t be pushed around when you know in your heart of hearts it’s the wrong thing to do.”

http://postcards.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2009/10/23/morgan-stanleys-mack-speaks-about-survival/?source=yahoo_quote

Afternoon Thought

"Man skids into midlife and loses his soul. Man goes looking for soul. After a lot of instructive hardship and adventure — taking place entirely in his head — he finds it again". (by Carl Jung)

I wonder how many people loose themselves through the course of their life and yet were able able to reclaim it? Even if they find their soul again, is it ever the same? I wonder how many people loose their soul again and again, but finally realize it was never lost.

In the course of over 3 decades of my life and close approaching the 4th decade, I have pleasure to encounter people at many walks of life. Some I kept contact with for years, other I know for a brief period of time and others I get cliff notes version of things that happened to them every couple of years. I am so intrigue by how people equate the unexpected lost or short coming of their life with the lost of their soul while what they earn or the blessing they receive as how they find themselves again. They don't all say how their soul was changed, but in essences all the conversation, blogs, email, postcard, and tweets are just that. My soul did something.

**************

On another note, I wonder if Biden is the new Bush? He gets an ***ism tagged with his name and luckly he's only the vice president.

http://www.slate.com/id/2228872/?GT1=38001

Salemanship

I feel a sense of anxiety when I experience conflicting worlds. One is the information or knowledge of what I feel within me about the world today and the other is the external world that surrounds me which fill with other people's opinions and suppose educated information.

The first few paragraph of this article is an example of why I am not on the O bandwagon. In my opinion, we are praising an educated use car sales man. You see when you make a sale, you play on the emotion of the person (the target). Avoid any situation about substance because although noble, will never make you the top sales man. This is sales 101.


You see, it is never about the substance or detail of the topic when it comes to Mr. O. It is always about how the situation is hurting someone and who is demanding this. What make this an "Educated" sale is because it is well planned and executed. The foresight is amazing. Carefully crafted and orchestrated not by himself, but viral like implementation, by a larger degree of separation. To put it simply, set up a victim, create an environment of anxiety and urgency, set up a target (a goat), and the delivery is not a solution (because solution get tested) but phases. Never say it is complete, because there got to be a villain and avoid any postmortem unless it support the cause. No conclusion, no commitment, no checking the facts. It is not about reaching an end, but more on a continue movement or flow. This is modern Roman politics at its best. It take a intelligent man who is well read to put this together. It then bring up the question of just because you know, does that mean you do what is right? Like the Romans, which are highly educated people, practiced these ideologies, of hierarchy (how many czar do O have?), class inequities (bailout, trade tariff, tax plan, other O plan), elite power (TBD), iron-fisted policies (government involvement in finance and business), and the politics of harsh vengeance and elitist authoritarianism are being retooled in today's administration. I commend O for the craftsmanship, because truthfully if anyone want to get ahead in the corporation today (get a raise, higher position, etc...) he or she will need to follow what was practiced by the commander of this land. The societies criteria for respectability been lazy. We grant it by, majority vote, level of education, how he talks, what does he look like, or even career or salary status. But what is missing is the action to examine the substance of the person and to judge equally not base on the color of the skill or one's own self serving ideology.


http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/CompanyFocus/why-the-meltdown-could-happen-again.aspx?page=1

"Or perhaps not only the seasons but everything else, social history included, moves in cycles. Not, however, that earlier times were better than ours in every way-- our own epoch too has produced moral and intellectual achievements for our descendants to copy. And such honourable rivalry with the past is a fine thing."--Tacitus, "The Annals of Imperial Rome", ca. A.D. 100

Pain

It is sad to see how media choose to be bias versus bipartisan. I wonder why certain news get so little attention while other just continue to get coverage over and over again.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Feds-steps-to-aid-banking-apf-1128818940.html?x=0

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0909/27110.html

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/is-stock-market-still-a-chumps-game.aspx

*********

Man I feel old. Can it be that this is the year where I have to hang up all the activities that I love to do? I finally reach a complete understanding why athletes retire at certain age. I notice I surpass most of people my age when it comes to activities they do on a regular basis. But acceptance of moving into that phase in my life, to be honest, makes me a bit depressed. There is a rhythm of the mind and the body when it comes to how they work together and as time goes by that synchronization slowly erodes. Sad to see that that this could happen to me. Does this mean I have to take up golf?

Oracle

Message to myself: I observed the market, the news and the documentary on the ascent of money and decided to refine my hypothesis. Base on my observation both of history and as of today, I am reaffirming that the world is shifting unfavorably for the US. So what is the basis of my opinion? Well for one, a welfare state or likeness of it, is forming in many places. This fear of risk and the reaction for government involvement will move toward that type of welfare. Involvement by the government will be accepted because it plays on people's fear. We see this taking shape in many areas including finance, technology, medicine, to name a few. Inflation and slow growth will come. This will happen after we exhausted cutting expenses from the income statement and use up all creative accounting tools. It is not good or bad, but more so an economic shift. That definition of shift, to make it simple, will evolve into how the world would be a lot smaller place for everyone. I believe the elite (I don't have a word to describe it yet) or better yet those who will benefit from this shift will have to be the one who is willing to be mobile. I believe in the future we should not be surprised if most of the wealthy American citizens are not located in the US. Instead they bridge their life between US, Asia, Europe and South America. What is interesting about this is that assets are spread all over the place, and a financial management of this will create a necessity and an industry that manage the assets of these people. Neighbors and friends are not by one town or by one state but by countries. Again, this is only for those of the privilege and elite. Some will have the ability to take advantage of this, some will choose not to do so, and some will be left behind. Social issue will become more urgent things to deal with in the US. But that analysis will take a whole new blog to describe. But what we learn about the global world while we were in school, is happening right now and it's taking place by operating outside of your world (US). So how will I balance the drop in the US $, the decrease in salary, increase gap between the rich and poor, and the issue of green environment? Those circumstance will be something I have to confront sooner than later. I think it is interesting to live through history and to me it define how we live life that is given to us. Part of the gift that life has to offer involve navigation. I believe at the end of this journey, before you see that white light, will be a quick film of how you navigated through this shift and the people who you share this shift with.

O you are my only hope

Not sure how long this link will stay active. But at least people are starting to recognize the pitfall of what is consider "change" by the new administration. What concerns me is that the author's prediction is so far into the future (2012), which to me mean there are still some leg in the stocks to go up for a bit or possible side way cup and handle formation for the market. But what I feel is the most disturbing, is people ignoring who got us here and who did what to prolong it, the one who got away with doing wrong, the one who let them get away, and the question of who has the answers and courage to make it right. When does a finance person learn that they came from economics and not the other way around?

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/New-bull-new-bubble-new-meltdown.aspx?page=1

Ride off into the sunset

I finally sold my bike, which also in a way an end of a time in my life where that bike meant so much to me. I like making one major purchase every year or two in order to capture that period in life. It reminds me of what I was thinking, wanting, avoiding, and any other reason why I make purchases. But I must say I am sad to see it gone. The next person should treat it well.j On the other hand, I am glad that it is gone, because in some weird but unexplainable way, I felt that anchor me too. It is true that sometime to make things better is to just get rid of some things.

Had dinner with B yesterday before heading over to J's birthday party. The topic of mini retirement came up. It is an interesting idea. So basically it is saying start having your retirement when you can. He talked about 10 year, or maybe 5 years, or maybe 2 years. What ever the time frame is, you are officially telling yourself that you are retired. He got this idea from something he read from an article which said this was common among generation Y. That generation saw how their parent saved and struggled. Then they wait to cash in until official retirement age. So may experience great illness or even lead to death while that person worked toward that retirement day. What is sad to this idea is by retirement age, the things that you once wanted can very well be less attractive or disappear due to just a basic factor of age. So this conversation went on and while the alcohol buzz slowly flow through from head to toe and came up with an observation. What is it that when it comes to money or job, we like to stick around when time are tough while we are very likely to leave when time are good. Whereas when it come to other things such as going to a place to eat, when thing are bad you leave that place and then you go somewhere better. You nature instinct is to avoid the negative and seek positive. So, what I was trying to say was that time will always move forward and while times are tough you live your life (by taking what is bad now and turn it into something good for yourself), while when time are good you are still living you life (because when you are working when times are good, it just doesn't seem like work as much). Otherwise you just struggle when times are bad and struggle less (because seeing how you are missing out on the opportunity) while the good times arrive. It sounds to me, we are just not living very efficiently or better yet not utilizing time very well. So with that I have to ponder on his suggestion and then wonder what is the duration of that mini retirement. He said I would be bored by 2 years.

So one good thing happened (by selling my bike) lead to one bad thing to occur. It must of been last night while I my car is parked near New Montgomery, my bumper got hit while someone was either trying to get out of or get into the parking space. People are such a**holes in SF. They have no respect for other people's property. I find that they can boast about the weather and how great the place in comparison to other place. Which only SF people do that. Which also makes me wonder why they have to compare because no one is competing with them. Or maybe it is like a short guy wanting to buy a red Porsche. Yet this crap happens all the time and for some reason people do this kind of thing while the locals just reach with acceptance of it being the status quo. My observation about SF is that they boast how people are nice, but yet when you look deeply into who they are (I am generalizing) they are really are acting for like a closet elitist. They say they care about the macro topics by making loud claim on the environment, health care, rights, etc... and yet on the micro level they separate themselves from other people not like them. I know being fake is everywhere and in other cities, but at least at other places they don't boast on how great their city is and hide behind on the macro issues.

I ism this I ism that

I am tired of seeing all the "..ism" in America today. I swear I see racism, sexism, ageism and patriotism every other day. Trust me there are more ism than what I've listed. These words are in books, newspapers, television and even everyday speech. I see it so frequently that I wonder if people even know why they use it. In my opinion, they are constantly being misused by everyday highly educated people. The reason the highly educated people are major culprit of this is because it is easy to just summarize than to examine the details. Also it make it an useful tool to prove a point. But the topic is not about how smart you are, but about what integrity you have in the search of the truth out there. Furthermore, I think sometime smart people are not always the wise one. Which is why when you look at the history of truly great people, they are not always the smartest, but illustrate how wise they are in that time of need.

So I don't think other country have the need to put everything in some kind of system of belief or doctrine. Here in the land of the free we have to feel superior to everyone else and therefore we categorize people. But what is more disturbing is that we use the word to preach and judge others and yet we are the one that practice such blasphemy. How many time have we gone and condemned other countries for what they are doing. We announce them as inhuman and in the name of freedom we say so. We judge them as they were less than us. Then in all occurrences, year later we found out we were in the position of acting the same inhumanity. For example, in history and as today we see the practice of war for some sort of cause. We justify our action by the use of defamatory statements, insert our enemy into a doctrine, and bless it in the name of freedom for all. This is what is sad in my opinion. The intelligent people use their gift to compromise integrity. If you were to look at what is wrong today, that may be one of the starting point. The real smart one, will use this same practice, build a belief, and then fool other smart people into his cause. But when it come time to show what he has done, he has very little to show for it but to continue pass blame onto others. Well, for those that still in search of the ism, here is one for you.....foodism. Now get ready to separate ourselves from different kind of food.

Run Forrest run

I just watched the movie "Sea biscuit" and can't help but to comment a bit on what I just saw. It it truly an inspirational movie and I can understand why it got great reviews. Just funny how it took me so long to watch it. I guess it has to get on TNT since sticking a DVD just seems too hard. Anyways, that little bit of history is in some way reflective of what is going on today. Although we were lucky to not experience such hardship as compare to the 1930s. Much like the essence of the great depression in the past, today people are forced to displace from their home. Whether that displacement takes in the form of physically moving away, or just reinvent themselves mentally to how the world is. During hard times, inspiration comes from hardship and that inspiration lead to remembered history. I just wonder when I look back 20 years from now, what history will I remember. But more importantly, I wonder what inspiration woke up during that time. As I see it, it always takes something major to change the tide. Maybe that change should of been the crash of the banks (well Mr. O prevented that) or maybe that change is about the shift in world power to come. Whatever it may be, I think the story just beginning versus all the talk about how it is finally ending.

Life Promises

I believe that one of the hardest thing in life is to "trust" and the second hardest thing is to "change". Normal people deal with one or the other separately. But there are times in our lives when both merge together to bring life unexpected challenges. When that happens, it is up to you to decide how the story should begin and how it should end. Both really goes together if you really think about it. I believe the greatest reward is to be able to sail through the headwind of change and trust that it will take you to more places than you ever imagined. That probably sound more like a fortune cookies, but in reality who really are brave enough to take on the challenge? In my opinion, most normal people back away from things being different. Let's face it, it is easy that way. They do not believe that it can be pleasant. Most of the time, the initial stages are not. At that point they make excuses, redefine the situation, or even just simply deny the reason to have that change. Usually at the point, the person is starting to give up on the idea of change. Then, that is when I think trust comes in. The second headwind that push you back, push you forward, or to even push you to giving up. It is the double edge sword that people often mistakenly get cut by. Trust can only formulate when you first have the desire to take ownership of that task and then follow by the person's ability to accomplish that task. Once you can master both, then that is when trust begin to build and many time lead to exponential and unexplainable returns. Usually we have self doubt of our ability to even start that path or to even continue. We hit a wall where our motivation decrease to a point where we start creating the reason to reject that change. That is when you reach the two cross winds that blow you off course.

So what does all this rambling mean? Well I think first is to start with getting to the right state of mind. Embrace the unknown and believe. Just let go and believe. Nothing else. The simple belief that life is about embracing what you do not realize you will earn. The unexpected can come as a surprise or it can come when you just allow a door to be opened. It doesn't have to be unplanned, it just needs to have the opportunity for things to go according to plan. That is where the Almighty, the Ala, the Buddha, or god comes in. It is the force that call life that you can rely and trust. That force begin with His trust in you. In return you trust life and it circles back to trusting yourself. This is not self glamorization,but more preserving why miracle exist in this thing call life. I believe there is miracle evil, miracle good, miracle love, and many other miracles that life bring. These miracles may not be persistent and if were persistent, then they wouldn't be miracles anymore. So that "force" come into play in developing those miracles and the energy or that fuel to create that force comes from "change" and "trust". Bottom line, embrace life for what you get and what you do not get. Because you never know where that force of wind may take you to. But where ever it does takes you, it is the only consistent wind that will sail you to what life is about for you.

Our great Change

As earning season starts, I like to look back at who are our president's top donors in 2008 election. In recent news, Goldman just annouced on average their employees would receive 700K (average) in bonus. Also looking back at the people who gets hired into his cabinet and those who receive bail out money, I can see why Obama got praised by so many. See any trends?

University of California $1,564,490
Goldman Sachs $994,795
Harvard University $854,017
Microsoft Corp $833,617
Google Inc $803,436
Citigroup Inc $699,790
JPMorgan Chase & Co $695,132
Time Warner $589,334
Sidley Austin LLP $588,598
Stanford University $586,557
National Amusements Inc $550,683
UBS AG $543,219
Wilmerhale Llp $542,618
Skadden, Arps et al $530,839
IBM Corp $527,572
Columbia University $526,802
Morgan Stanley $514,881
General Electric $499,130
Latham & Watkins $493,835
US Government $491,420

Don't believe me? Check out http://www.opensecrets.org/pres08/contrib.php?cycle=2008&cid=N00009638

Big hand and little hand

Time is of the essence. How that is becoming true and so much of me and my history is behind such a simple phrase. When I was young I felt that I have all the time that I need in my lifetime. Not that I have all the time in the world, but that there are so little that I need to fit into the time that I have. Maybe my chaotic childhood left me to believe that my vision of what things are in life are only through my observance of the people around me. Keeping it simple. Maybe that simplicity help me survive through it all. That question I ponder sometimes. If you don't know the potential then how do a person know what is it that he should do to extent himself. The perception of reality would be total different versus another person. There shows the sensitivity that it takes to foster a child's mind. Removing limits is as important as establishing limits. Not to put the people down or anything, but while I was growing up, I didn't actually gotten the encouragement to go after a dream, let along develop a dream. Without a dream sometime lack simple passion that eventually builds into more complex passion for other dreams. With passion, I think you develop your understanding of time. In my opinion, so much of what I understand about time since I was a kid came from ignorance. The unknown of how time works in relation to a person life often taught but by trial and error. But in a foolish way, when I was younger I felt that I would be able to race with time. I find sometime I can control time by making it slow down for me and sometime make it speeds up if I wanted to. For instance, knowing that most people may take longer to do things, yet I rather do it faster than correct. Or the thought that if I control what gets done during a phase in time, then you control time. That is a phrase by a procrastinator, as it is a phrase from someone who just likes the rush of control chaos. You see control time controls chaos. Much can be say about that, since there are periods in my life that time seems to just stop as well. Ironically now as I am getting older, I realize time is beating me. Maybe that is the cause of my recent nights of restlessness. I understand time has a way of changing things. It has a way to make you feel nervous or even scared. The funny thing about time is that it is very much like the H element in the periodical table of life. It is highly volatile, unstable, and can be very explosive. Much of what it is depend on how it is mixed with the other elements that is part of everyday life.

For instance the element of "Dream". As I grown older I have more dreams of what I want to do in my life. I must say I been fortunate enough to fulfill many of my limited number of dreams. It make me feel fulfilled at that time. Yet when I mix that with too much "Dream" then I start to wonder why I am not getting as fulfilled as I was before. It is like someone who never had a change to do certain things when they were a kid and now they see that or similar thing to replace the void. As what point is is fill the old versus creating the new? The catalyst for dream is aspiration. The flaw of aspiration is that it is very unpredictable when you build it in a dream. When the element of time is multiply by the Nth power of dream, then I get a bit disturbed by such instabilities. How much of it is really knowing what to cap and knowing that some dream should just be left alone and not be mixed? There are dream that are meant to be dream and there are dream that intended to be fulfilled. Time is the creation of that energy that puts dreams into motion or inhibited. I yet do not know how to control that combination.

Then there is the exponential growth element of time with itself. Einstein puts a very good visual example that time is like a outer layer of what we perceive as the world. It can be warped, everlasting, halted, destroyed, and looped. It is a matter of the energy that it takes to get you there. For me, I started to focus on time recently. So much of that concentration has because suffocating. I question the things that I did in the past and question the things to be done in the future. In those moments I realize I may not always make the best judgement. I been bless to have good people around me even though I take them for granted. If I were to look closely and analyze my psyche, I can also see that much of what I do, is so that I would have little time left to spare. It is a bit unfair to those people around me I agree. Not that this is a justification or a correction of mistake, but more so a self observance. If I were to ever have a daughter I would say to stay away from a person like me. Not that I have self hate or anything. Just that when a person is complex it takes a lot of energy to untangle that web. Nothing in this world says anyone should be responsible to do the untangle, except the person who is in the web. But time is in my head and it is drives me nuts.

So I wrote the above a few weeks ago, now as I am one day away from my birthday, I think it explain why I have so much grey hairs. Having unorganized thoughts is really bad for a person's health. But I think the idea that as I am a year older does bring anxiety within me. More so than I want to admit. The question of what is it that I need to do in my life becomes more of a serious question that needs to be answered. Maybe as I am getting older, I am getting the urge to make a change. I contemplated on the idea of being totally irresponsible and just not work for a year or two. Logically it does not make any sense nor does it show any maturity or responsibility. Then again talking to G, bring up a good point. When it it ever a right time. Depends on how much I want to talk or thing about it, it will always never be the right time. But then waiting for a better opportunity never really arrives. It is weird, as a person gets older, I think there is a point in every one's life that you ask yourself can I go and be irresponsible? I think after G saw the near death of his father, he seems less worried about the what if. His idea is simple, just go do it if you want to. As long as you have no obligations, then go. Just go. Is it really that simple? I wonder.

Schools getting schooled

I blogged this topic about a year ago. Good to see that something is trying to be done about this. It is a very small step, but a step. Hopefully this is not one of just going through the motion versus applying this to an important part of the learning. Unfortunately this will take at least 5 to 10 years to have the effects impact the workforce.

http://spotlight.encarta.msn.com/Features/encnet_Departments_Grad_default_article_B-schoolsRethinkCrisis.html?GT1=27001

On another topic, I rode my bike today. I forgot how nice it was to ride when the weather is sunny 70 degrees.

The Dirty List...not the dirty dozen, but close

Here is my list of people or things that need Transparency, Reform, Monitor, Stress Tested, Hoped, and/or Changed:

1) President Obama
2) Perez Hilton
3) Kim Jung
4) Citigroup, BofA, JP Morgan, AIG, Freddie Mac, Wells Fargo, GM
5) Ben Bernanke
6) Tim Geithner
7) Bernie Madoff
8) Robert Stanford
9) Supporter and practitioners of Mark to market accounting of bad debts
10) TBD.....

Bank Lending Still Down 23% 4 Months After Bailout (source wall street journal)
Banks that received taxpayer aid to restart lending are loaning less than they did before the bailout, a Wall Street Journal analysis finds. The most recent figures available, from February, show a 23% drop in new loans from the lending level in October, when the Treasury Department kicked off TARP, the Journal notes. The figures are a more alarming and possibly more accurate measure than those the Treasury uses.

Down goes Jackie

I have come to believe that Asian are smart but not very wise. I came to this conclusion by means of generalizing the mass amount of Asians that occupy this planet. I like to comment on my statement of all Asian, but for now I will stick to the Chinese. To start, let's review the most recent news about Jackie Chan's comment about Hong Kong and Taiwan. He said that the Chinese needs to be controlled in order to prevent the chaos that we see today. The backlash of that comment fills the web today by people of Taiwan and Hong Kong. They call the comment racist, a step backwards, lack for understanding of democracy and freedom. But how much of it is just a knee jerk reaction to model themselves to western politically correctness and totalitarian behavior, versus maybe just for a split second, reflect whether there are some truth to that unprepared public comment. If anyone is to follow the political drama that has been happening in Hong Kong and Taiwan, then you can not but to take note that chaos do exist in those countries. Maybe is it time to stay away from the old ideology of always presenting the good and never disclose the bad because we just may loose face to other people. The fact is that the Chinese can always be proud of their past accomplishment of what they did, the hardship which they endured, and the ability to adapt to the most unfavorable conditions. What they often lack the ability to organize and to lead. As often as they try not to loose face, but in the (global) reality they never really had an identity or a face to be recognized. Those two words (organize and lead) are what will forever make Chinese the model minority or a better way of saying the second place to the first. Through my years of moving from place to places, visited country to countries, and worked from company to companies, I realize the biggest ethnic cannibalism are Asians (including the Chinese). They start off by banning together with the pride of their history, but along the way they start to disassociate themselves from the rest. How often do they say they are not like that. What are the FOBs and the non FOBS. Some goes to not dating or even have friends of the same ethnicity. Some will laugh about it and say they are just different. Yet if anyone else, besides the Asian (Chinese) did that, then they would be viewed as an embarrassment or plain socially unacceptable and ignorant. Yet the Chinese may self justify themselves by saying they are trying to stand out to be not like the rest is the reason for their success. The Chinese battle amount themselves to be the top of the class, but many time stands back to any confrontation from other groups. I've come to wonder why for a group of people that are smart and intelligent they lack any real identity to this world? I find them to be cowards when I see them holding back their thoughts, accept getting passed down for meaningful considerations and themselves undoubted frustrated with the circumstance, decides to take it out out on their own. My only rudimentary thought is that the Chinese seek for a hero to put on a pedestal. Unfortunately that quest is usually outward instead of within. They hold admiration for what they wish to do or often what they lack. My opinion is that the Chinese (or Asian) need to be in the light more. Whether that light is favorable or not, we just need to be there. Imagine how much media plays into our ideology of what is socially acceptable. Maybe it starts from that, the acceptance that they are not perfect and that they are more than just the smart hard working group of people. To develop that image of leadership, will undoubtedly take time, courage, but more importantly it will take risk (organization). They been burn once or twice, and they will continue to be burned again. Their strength of adaptability helped make the Chinese the way they are today, but it may also be their hindrance to the advancements of tomorrow. An individual passion of is all too overrated when there is lack of clarity to the commitment of the whole.

Going Long

What is up with all this talk about Asia? I feel like the topic of people moving over to Asia has come up repeatedly over the last couple of days. It makes me wonder if this is just like the situation where you start liking a specific car, then realize more of the same car is on the street and that people are also driving the same thing. I got to admit it makes me feel a bit uneasy. Is it a sign or has it been happening already, but I just starting to notice it now? Whatever it may be, it makes me a bit sad.

Now the "what if". I been wondering at lot of random "what if". Nothing spiritual or enlightening, but garbage thoughts.

1. What if there is affirmative action in sports? You can't deny that sports such as basketball, football, or even baseball lack diversity. It is a profitable business and yet limited in entry to that field. Some people are disadvantage since their environment deter the idea to work on sports.

2. What if people started to demand honest journalism? Imagine if we stop tolerate the crap news and bias opinions that are shown in the media today. Maybe we can really get the truth versus celebrate all the media hype. If to sit back and look, the media shape some many people's minds and some may not even know about it.

3. What if we do good for the sake of a group versus for the individual? I didn't understand this until I grew older. I think the world has become more about the "I" versus the "We". It is sad really, because how we treat each other and what we receive is the result of that shift in thinking.

Well I only have three that I can remember right now. Now it is out of my system. If I have to be harsh, I have to say that all the struggle that we are going through is something that we bring upon ourselves. I can look at all this and say I am sad for what it is happening, but then I can also say we need this to get some people back to earth. I see "entitlement" all over the place and even despite all the crap that been going on, there are still people with the same attitude. Let strip out all the fortunate things that were given, then see how a person character is truly illustrated in a time like this. It is just too bad we have a government that want to give to people even though they did not contribute. For example, where is the extra tobacco tax going to? This land is not about the land of opportunity and freedom anymore. It is about something where what you do really count a little less each day. It is not about what you do, but about how much you can get away with not doing.

Well enough bitching. More sleeping. Time will tell if this angry man is right or if he is just mental.

Building Blocks

The complex part of who I am is coming out in 2009....as it seems. I feel a little bit cloudy with my thoughts, almost intoxicated in vision and aimless in reasoning. I often wonder if there is a medicine for the attention disorder that I display. This year seems to be extremely tough for me with really no obvious logic or solid reasoning behind why I think this way. Well at least not on the conscious level. I often question my disoriented approach to life and the way I view things before me. I see what the general population of people do and yet I go do the opposite. Call it being rebellious or maybe just call it plain abnormal. It is a find line that can be cross either way. Maybe part of the reason is because I grew up in an abnormal sequence of stages to adulthood. But then at what point are you too old to say your childhood is the reason and the cause to your weirdness? I am not the type to pass blame on who I am because of my past misfortunes and the things that happen unfairly. Yet sometime I wonder how much of that is truly what I say to myself versus what I believe within me. They say a person always bring some sort of baggage with them. I just wonder how much baggage I've already dropped off versus how many I still hold on to. Well this is leading to nowhere with all this rambling.

On another note, I am starting to do my taxes for 2008 and planning the trip to Vegas to meet up with my friends. This time to Vegas I may have to buy an airline ticket. For some reason I feel extremely poor these days. Not that I am breaking the bank or anything. But I feel less adequate about my present finance positions. Usually I never say no to any trips that my friends suggest. If there is any trip that I do not make, it is because of time. Yet for the first time since I graduated from college, I have to give second thought to a trip due to money. Now that is weird for me. Maybe all this talk of the economy and people geting laid off spooked me. Nevertheless the proportion of what is needed to fund a trip is not equivalent to the effect of loosing your job. Yet I am concerned about why I am thinking this way. Maybe within me, there is a tiny voice that is saying that when June comes around I may be unemployed like many intelligent and hardworking people. I should be preparing for that day. Yet I find myself lack the motivation to search for a back up job or seek an alternative path. Maybe after all this year of being responsible, I actually want to just be irresponsible. The thing is that ever since I could remember, that is going back to when I was 5, I had to always worry about a backup plan for me in case no one can take care of me. I can still remember on one of my birthdays when I got locked out of my house. I was expecting people to be around or at least be home when I was returning back from somewhere. But then for some reason, neither my grandmother or my aunt were home. It is a strange feeling as a kid when you have that realization that no one knows where you are and you don't have the power to find out where other people is. Having to wonder aimlessly by yourself at the age of 5 at night is a very surreal experience. I still remember that night when I wondered why am I with them. What am I doing walking around and to where? How I am in a land of no where. The question of "now what" continue to circulate through my mind. It is funny what I can still recall. I thought I forgot about it, until I started to ramble on in this blog. Very weird. Well let just say it is funny what I can recall at 2 AM sitting in bed with insomnia. Well maybe this will help me sleep once I write this out.

Angry Middle Class Man....Sleep Deprived

What is a person to do when he can't sleep at night. Well for me I decided to write. I think part my my insomnia, aside from just getting back from Asia, is my uncontrollable pondering of the events that occurs each day. I can't help but to observe and wonder do I live in the land of idiots? This blog will begin to sound like someone with the ego that is too much to read or even understand. But it is written by me who had to go against what the majority all bandwagon on, to be the awkward one, to have to sit through the propaganda, to have the argument with people close to me, to be labeled, and of course now be the recipient of the mistake that the idiots made.

Obviously the biggest topic these days is about the economy. It is most frustrating for me to see things unfold even though I saw the accumulation of events that lead up to the crap we call the stimulus plan. I can say many things, but I think I pick one topic and that is about the AIG bonus to their executives. I think people should really check themselves if they believe that we should claw back the bonus given. Did we forget that the government gave the money to AIG? Are we still in a capitalism society or have we gone back to were the government decided on how they want to manipulate the market and have control over a legal corporation. If we go back in a time machine, if we were the observer of a country that did just that, controlled how much a person should receive from their company, then would we call them communist or dictator or socialist? When did AIG become a government entity? Indeed money were given, to bail that company out. Nothing in the bailout says you can only spend it on certain thing. It just says to help your company in this tough time. If anyone is to blame I don't think it should be on AIG, but instead on those who supported the bail out. Own up to the mistake that by giving a company money you are creating a system of protectionism and unfair competition. A company is still its own entity, it trades on a market, some fail while some succeed. We as investors that buy stock and invest in these companies do not say we have the right to claw back pay just because we don't like it. For that matter imagine if you were given money by someone and then that person says you can't do certain things with it. That person should sound familiar, its called your parent. When did government become so much involved in business. I thought their focus in on the citizens of the country. So I get angry when the politician and people, start jumping on the bandwagon by slamming AIG. You see the reason they say they are disappointed by what AIG did or by going on a talk show, is saying something. They screwed up. AIG had the right to, it may not be what I like to see, but they have the right to. As leaders of this country I expected them to have better foresight. Come on, who started all this and what do you expect. None had the balls to say make a change and stand up to the masses. We can all say let's change, but often fail to execute that believe. Unless we decided to be anti-capitalist, we have to let the market be free. Otherwise we are not very different from the country that we criticized in the past, except now we are just less prosperous and more bitter about our circumstances. The impact of the stimulus package and other things to help stimulate the economy are fill with some good and also some very dangerous pitfall for the future. In the short term there are some hype that will fill the media, just like our believe that change will happen (well dude things always change), but the impact on US's global competitive position is slowly getting banged up to a pulp. This is a major issue and the one change that is happending right now is a global shift. Watch for inflation, reduction in wealth, hyper dollar fluctuation, constant contraction of the market, and a prolong downturn in the economy.

One other thing, I find it funny that just a week after Mr. C ask Mr. O to be more positive about the economy, that now we are all the sudden hearing good things. Did something happened in one week that I missed? Read between the lines and then maybe you can see what the truth is.

So much complaining and not enough solutions. So here are my citizen micro-stimulus plan. I will post more when I can connect more dots.


1) Go buy something for yourself. But don't pay anything unless it is 50% or more off.
2) Don't buy a home unless it is at pre 2002 level or more.
3) Don't listen to you realtor or your broker.
4) Don't just read from one media source. There are a lot of bias and trash journalism.
5) Give money to an education institution but either you or you pay for someone to attend the class that they offer.
6) Be angry. But realize that in 10 years all this will be a memory and I would wonder why I wrote this so early in the morning.

Not FDR, but FEAR

I have some time during work. I thought I blast some thoughts and opinions on what absurd comments I saw this week. The first one that come to my mind was the inspirational speech by Mr. O. Without a doubt he knows how to speak to people and uses word of inspiration. But my gripe about all of his speech and what he choose as his weapon to combat the issue of the nation, makes me wonder if the guy lives in reality. My ultimate question is this, just because someone speak of what is right (or wrong), call out the right (or wrong), does that mean what he execute is working? He made a few mistakes already and yet people continue to praise him. If the same actions were done by someone else I doubt we would give that person that much slack. But let's focus. His speech talks about being responsible and taking ownership. The problem is that many people are having a hard time in this economy are the responsible ones who pays their bill on time and tried to be the responsible citizen. Now what about speak to the irresponsible people? Well by telling them now that they should be responsible, would that cause them to suddenly change their behavior, unless they are in the hole already. So bottom line, we all know people needs to be responsible, but as a leader your job is produce results not try to point out the problems that we already know.

So from my evaluation of the guy's behavior since I had a chance to better analyze him, brings up some things that concerns me. For one I do believe he is smart, he is very stubborn or strong headed about things, and as well as eloquent which with those combinations makes him a bit concerning for me. He does not like being wrong even though he comes off as wanting to be the open and acceptable president. When he is wrong, he learns to disassociate himself from the situation and brings up that it is a group ownership. Look back and examine the times that he uses the word "I" in his sentences and when he uses the word "We". My opinion is that sometime as a leader you have to be lucky as well as to be some what smart. Look and examine all the CEO, presidents, leaders of the companies out there. The belief is that if you are able to stay at a position long enough, things will turn around. But in the mean time creat a constant motion in the team so that activities will suggest progress. The perception of change will eventually become reality. Like one time I heard from an executive VP at work, that it is not about what is right or wrong it is about setting the pace.

With that said I do thing some of thing is is doing is with some level of good intentions. But most people are not 100% good or 100% bad. There we should judge base on what they do and not on a constant fairy tale of what things should be.

Well one last thought. If down falls below 7000 mark, then we are heading into a depression. During that time people act a bit crazy and sometime their survival instinct bring out the worse of them.

Unorganized

I wonder if I ever blog when I have good things to say or positive thoughts to flow out. The truth the matter is that I have a whole flux of emotions day by day as well as hour by hour. It is quiet strange but I can't remember the last time I was completely mindless, without cross directional thought. It seems to me I always feel the need to overlay thoughhts with additional thoughts and those thoughts are cross referenced with other thoughts. All are related in minor ways, while other do not at first, but eventually do. With that said, I guess this couple of days been a bit unorganized for me. I guess that would be my theme for this blog. In case it was not obvious already. When I have this moment of unorganize ramped thought I know that something is troubling me or that my intuition is telling me that something is about to happen. It is a no brainer I guess that this year is about change, but then I not sure if I completely understand it yet, emotionally that is. So from what I know this moment, I know that the economy is looking to be in bad shape and my worse feeling may be coming to reality. I blogged a few months back about how the market will reach the mid 7K mark and that the O factor to the market. Emotionally I hope that I was wrong and that the hope for change can spark something. Logically, that just does not seems to make any senses and also indicated a real danger to be over optimitic and rely on hope. Now what we are getting into is the damamge of the numbers or what we call the economy of the world, but what is more concerning for me now is that we are approaching close to the emotional damage of people's psychy. Those two factors make it very difficult to navigate especially it does take a lot of coordination of the government, the people and other organization, which surprised me that Bill C made the right observation aboutt. Well the next few weeks are very important time for everyone, not sure if people know it, but that defines the rythem of the economy for the next 2 years.

Along with that thought, I feel that it is tough to stand out and be different or not adher to the majority. At work I've been right about the things that need to be done or undone. Yet in doing so I've offended a few people. It seems like somehow the past couple of days, I had to be correcting mistake of other people. Usually when you do that, even though you are right, you end up making enemies, which makes it so wrong. That goes the same thing with what I feel about other things, such as big O, social systems, relationships, friends, and all other things. I obtain feeling and thought where sometime I wish I am wrong about, because sometime it is just easier if you do not know. That way you can at least be wrong together, where as the opposite, it is hard to be right and to have to prove it as well as stick to what you believe is correct. By no means do I think I know everything. I just feel that these days it seems like being right actually make me feel so wrong. It seems like fighting been my theme for 2009 so far. Maybe the horn is getting stick to things that usually it does not get stuck to. Whatever it is, confrontation sucks.

MLK

Today is MLK day. So I write on what catches my ADD mind. Two quotes(phrases) come to mind.

1) Not to be judged on the content of their skin but by the content of their character.
2) Are we human or are we dancers?

To really not make any point nor do I have an idea where this entry is leading to. I find that these two phrase are what often over look by people. We are a nation very into the issue of race and color. But I think we lack in understand the content of people's character. It seems odd to me that as intellectual people of this nation we still continue to dwell on the topic of race. If you look at other nations, the difference in color is apparent and very much so overlooked or even just not a topic. But instead recognize that obvious difference, but conentrate more on the topic of the character of that human being. I will admit that I don't like to talk about the issue of race because in my opinion I think the more we talk about it the more we let it be an issue. If the ultimate goal is to look at the character of that person, shouldn't we start looking at that? Is it not what the purpose of all of this?

As for number two. It ties together with the first thought. How much are we really thinking versus just letting other people tell us how we should think and act. I was once told that most people don't want to think for themselves even though they say they do. But instead most people want to be told how things are and just follow the directions that are given. If I were to look at the numerous industries, major news, and shocking discoveries of the past decade, they were all very much just things that should of happened. The funny things is that when this misconception, the illusion dissipates, people get angry. Question arise as to why things changed? How come it dropped? Where is my help? It is up to you, the misinformed to figure it out. We are for sure often the by product of society but then we choose to be fallen to victim being led by the few. If you really start examining where do we get our information about the world around us, you would realize that majority of us get what we know from about a hand full or maybe two hand full of resources. Some of these resources may over lap with the same root source or just report on the same thing. So basically we probably get the myopic view from one or two sources. Yet conventional wisdom and history tells us that itself has inherit danger. I think it is easier to be dancers than human.

So imagine if we were human and start looking at the content of the person's character, then maybe things would be different, things would change. It brings clarity to the stuff around you. You seem clairvoyant because somehow you can tell how people would react or how events unfold. Then maybe we become less stressed on how things is going to happen, but instead concentrate on how things can be better. Doesn't that sound very familiar? Maybe the root of any innovation(changes, advancements, ideas, progress) starts from that baseline.

New year la la la......

So 15 days of 2009 already passed and I wonder what the next couple hundred days will be. I guess I can wonder all I want or even just wait for it to come to me. The real important thing I think for this year is about believing in taking a leap and hopes for the best. It may be a little chaotic or even irresponsible in some eyes, but I think this year is about exploring the possibilities that what it may become and less on what can be lost. Now the tricky thing is the question of what are those leaps to be taking and learning to embrace the idea of controlled chaos.

So this first couple of days in 2009, I attempted to actually create value at work or at least trying to make it look as if I am delivering something productive at my job. I figure that if I were to get laid-off then at least I should make them miss me. I guess I may of over did it, since I've been pretty busy ever since I started 2009. Well with this economy I can use a job. But will see if I can say the same thing in a next couple of months or so.

Then this year also bring another thought that been linger inside of me. I think age is finally become of a issue for me. Playing basketball with less leaps, getting tired after 12, seeing most of my friends either married or having babies, hair stop growing as fast as before, and the time it takes for me to recover overall just takes a little bit longer than usual. At the very beginning of 2009 I felt a sinking kind of feeling when I look at the signals that age brings. But after I looked at it a bit longer, I figure it just means I need to go to the gym more, I need to care a little less about how fast I make it a turnaround, but more on how much I can do it for myself. I see that one of the beauty of age is that you start worry about less things and learn to worry about the essentials for that time being. Then you realize that you let the world play by your rhythm instead of you chasing the world. Regardless, I want to get my ankle healed so I can play like I did before. I want to lift weights so I can gain back the strength, and I want to be more scared about take the risk that I thought I couldn't take.

Things that were done so far:
Increase activities at work.
Update a resume that I would could actually use.
Setup search for jobs oversea.
Clean up some more loose ends.
Took the chance to visit my past and heritage.

As far as the best buys in 2008 and 2009.
Getting a good suitcase when you are on the go.
Buying a laptop so you can blog and capture brain dumps.
Glove liners, because when it gets cold they are a treasure.
Isotoner slippers when you have to walk on cold and nasty floors.
Good backpack to explore your destination.
A soft t-shirt so that you feel comfortable.
Plan tickets so you build the memories in your head.