There is no sound that I can make to describe how I feel. Usually when I move to a new place I will do comparisons and of course by doing that I start off hating the place for at least 6 months. Then I go through the cycle of acceptance, to making it work by finding things that I use to replace the things that bothers me. Little by little the bothers gets off set by something else. It has helped me cope in the past. But where I reside now, despite all the nice people that I have come across, the place crush me everyday. It is difficult to explain, but it is like living in a land where I see so much passive aggressiveness and negativity inside of people that I get drowned by the superficial world. After being in some many countries and moved to different places all my life, I find myself lost within. I don't remember a time where I had such a difficult time to find the positive within me. It feels as if the bubble that I live in now, the dirt that I gather can not be washed. I know I should be thankful and yet I can't. Life may be good and yet it lack substance. I can now understand why so many people leave this place after awhile, just so they can get back to reality.
Usually the beauty of the holidays is that it reminds me about life. This holiday spirit for some reason is so not here. It doesn't feel it physically with 29 degree in December and the common theme around here is about shopping does not help. The spirit and the beauty of the holidays are dead here and I can not understand how small view of life things are with the people here. So despite the clean air and low taxes, you are exchanged with ugly contradictions and high materialism.
