Day 6

My vacation day is coming close to an end.  After getting the news from the potential employer, spent the rest of the evening to just think.  Hade my chinese beef noodle soup and fried chicken fillet for dinner, two scoop of mango sticky rice nitrogen ice cream and my taro milk team made up of my evening food consumption yesterday.  Then it was back in my hotel room watching and not watching movies and trying to search of answer on the Internet.  It is funny how now a days Google suppose to answer everything for you.  It is a bit ridiculous in my opinion because I didn't get to bed until 330 I the morning and still no clarity.

The thing for sure is that my personality always been to think and contemplate for a longer than normal people.  Track record shows that is it generally 65 percent correct if I spend the time to think.  While there are portions where my instinct tend to be more correct and do it in much shorter time.  I think majority of the time is really about accepting the consequences of my decision versus the benefit.  Not sure if that is correct but it is my trait.  Another thing I do realise is my nature to really go with the general flow of things cause there tend to be multiple ways that something can be right as well as wrong.  In my habitual ways of going with the flow I think it has become more difficult even for myself to ask what I want.  People ask me what I want and often I really cannot come up with a reply unless I can quickly calculate the x number of variations or just ask someone to choose.  It is something I want to change and I can with the less minor stuff, but for what I am struggle with now, it rattles my brain to the infinite level where I am here and not here state.

The other thought that I had is that when I am not balanced, I can not be all of me nor can I give all of me.  It is a horrible handicap because it make me rigid and difficult person to deal with.  That imbalance cause me to be indifferent about the things around me.  I loose interest and detachment flows in.  Then time passes while things continue to age to death.  Just a bunch of random thought with very little linkage nor logical flow.