Shadow Thoughts

C to the "D" to the "H"

2011-11-29T04:30:00.000-08:00

Cope. If I were to sum up points in my life that were disappointing or just suck, I would say that is the magical mechanism. People seldom understand the path that I've gone through and by no mean is this a sobering recollection or rant about how horrible my life is. But this is really an examination of how we as human, decide to deal with things that just plain "sucks". I later on came to understand this word when I had to deal with someone being an alcoholic. To look back, the same word and its definition was catalyst that invoked the action taken to deal with how I gotten through many other things since my childhood. From observing other people, that is also how I think they come to live another day.

Irresponsible people in my life. The act of making you feel less than a worthy human being. The guilt of being born. The disappointments of big events in life with no shows. The missing support that is critically needed for a child to develop him or herself to the next stages. These voids can be what breaks you or what make you stronger. The fact is cope is really how we put our self back to a middle point where we can make a move. I see cope is really not too far away from someone being a dope. If you decide to move from "C" to the "D", you can easily become that informal, stupid and unresponsive person. Some people decide to take the items that "suck", by coping (to deal) with less desirable outcomes in life. While other people decide to move from "C" to the "H". They decide to hope. The decision to act and to look forward with desire or trust. That person decided to cope (to make obsolete) by first cover the item that "sucked" and decide that more of the future is about what can not suck. Either way it is how we as human decide to deal with those that did injustice to us.

I am not here to say which one is right or wrong. I just here to acknowledge that I decide to be happy and that I am to practice cope. To at least be a point where I can choose. I may not always choose the right thing every time time, but at least I am still able to make "THAT" move and things may not suck forever.

Super Fatty

2011-11-16T06:09:00.000-08:00

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. It is the only thing that makes him feel so sick that he looses all that is in him. He can be fighting villains or even have his head smashed against concrete, but nothing could ever make him feel so close to death to his soul as that green rock. Regardless how small or what just happened before, the mere exposure of it will make him fall to his knees grasping for an escape.

So as a human being, do we all have our Kryptonite? I know I have mine. Do you forever run away and avoid it. But every time when you open a box or a door or just whenever uncovered something will always grasp for a bit of air. I often wonder if I can avoid my Kryptonite. Is it possible? In this world, doors will always open and be sure that annoying green thing may just be around the corner.

As a person I am disappointed at myself that I can hate my Kryptonite that much. I am ashamed that I can not conquer what is so much a part of life, my life. Kryptonite came from the same place where superman came from. People are as much of you regardless how you avoid it. So why can I not make it work, conquer that weakness? To psycho analysis of myself, I have to say that it is why I have to always doubt the good. If too good, then ruin the good. Regardless what it is, it is a bit self destructive, because to look at myself I never can really allow myself to be at peace. If it is bad, then I seek the perfect. If it is good, then I seek chaos. That is borderline the truth as to how I lived my life. Sad it is. But a bit true. I don't deny it and therefore I can never really ever agree with people saying I am a nice guy or a bad guy. I am neither. Just a man trying to avoid Kryptonites.

Well tomorrow is another day. You got to try to learn to fly. Need to maybe find a better cape or bigger tights because the nurse called me a fatty.

If I owned a country

2011-10-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

My reflection on my past posts has led me to wonder if all I do is complain or only see the negative side of things. Identification of the problem is only one part of the entire whole. I try very hard to avoid the slippery slope of negative thinking. So I figure I try to blog about what I feel would be my direction to improve the economy if I had control to do so. Answers, not more questions!!! To begin, the first step to fixing something is providing a path and to avoid the pitfall of listing a bunch of plans which create multiple roads that will undoubtedly leads to nowhere or maybe by luck lead to somewhere that negate other plans. So short and long term plan require a strategy. Unfortunately many people in government seek the short term glory and even more people seek to recklessly start initiatives without looking at the consequences.

So first thing I would suggest and Mr. O to my surprise, started to push forward is the investment in infrastructure. In the US, everything is much older. If you are to compare US with the number 2 and number 3 economies of the world, we are overdue for an overhaul on how we transport, consume, and dispose things around us. Just a simple cause and effect equation. The people who develop the infrastructure will be relatively large in number. They create tangible product that help create the support structure to create other type of business. If efficiency is the requirement of business, then the well run infrastructure to support those requirements is that foundation. Homes can be farther from place of work. Business can reach other easier. Family can explore beyond their backyard. The benefit of that investment produces output that multiplies as well as spread across industries to income classes. There are more benefits not mentioned, but this is the simple example.

Give people a break. I believe having low taxes will stimulate the economy, not because it is the only magical bullet, but lower taxes work together with other initiative to collectively combat the local investment woes and the bleeding of talented resources out of US. If US is to take a stance on continue high taxes, then other items such as medical service and transportation cost, and among other things has to be cheaper. Stop the squeeze. Looking at the top countries in the world today they fall into one of the two categories. In HK, low taxes and along with other government bills make a place where international business want to be there and where local business have such a huge incentive to start their own business. In reverse Norway or even Singapore or even Canada has relatively high taxes, but they support their citizen's life style in medical and world wide tax breaks. I did not list everything. But those mention make the citizen of those countries want to eventually go back if they are somewhere else or even the existing citizen to stay where they are. Most expat Canadian do not have to pay worldwide tax on their earning. Almost all Canadian I encounter says they will go back home to retire as well as they started to build their next egg back home along with home and other retirement plans. Where for American, more and more are leaving the US, considering to renounce their citizenship. I don't think it is the lack of love for the US, but more how the US choke the American spirit out of them. Some of the young generation are looking to leave US because one of course jobs, which is a circular event of things mentioned here, but more so they are jumping out of US because even the most loyal dogs will leave its owner if he gets whacked by the newspaper everyday.

Now the focus on science, arts, and mathematics. US right now can not compete in the global economy. Not because we have dumb people, but because we have excessive greedy people and government who will not provide a path to divert from the herd thinking everything relates to finance or law. Also most of our government comes from similar world of discipline when they attend their universities and master programs. Their background mirrors each other. Last time I check that was suppose to be a bad thing. The three areas mentioned need to be more encourage by US, not just by the government, but by its citizens. Start encourage the kids to go into arts if they want to. Allow them to aspire to be astronauts. The bottom line is that the global economy requires less need for minds that think like entitle chiefs, but more like Indians that evolve into good chiefs. The social benefit of having more people in art or mathematics will multiply. They provide the balance of the mind in ways we design the architecture, they industry that bloom from area to area, and the ability to challenge the status quot on what is.

Bottom line, a re balancing of wealth and power is happening for some time now. Similar to the re balance of your portfolio, it seems like in one part of the world things are in chaos, while another part is enjoying prosperity. When I travel, I often compare how that country compares to the US. These days I think we as US citizens needs to see things from a whole picture perspective versus how we are the big fish in the pond. Other countries are exceeding us, we need to step aware from the imperialistic thinking, like the Romans, and find a way to stop the collapse of the empire.

I still think US is the best country in the world, yet my feeling is that it is like a sick person that I just want to avoid right now. But I hope for it get better because I think US is still fundamentally stronger than most other countries. Time is short. Investment I mentioned are long duration. I hope US like the champ that is is, to come back in the 11th round with a surprising TKO to win it all. To allow its citizen to cheer again, to be proud where you are a citizen, and to be an example to the world of raising the social conscious to another level not understood yet by the rest of the world.

Phone the Universe

2011-09-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

Karma, its definition generally understood by many and yet its detail meaning varies when compared among religious views. I believe in it to the degree that it should exist. With that understanding then people's actions or at least my action should be noted or even to have some self awareness of the cause and effect of personal acts within the universe. That is not saying that I aways tries to do good or whether I am aware all the time. But knowing that "it" is there as the foundation. With that foundation, I hold to myself the continue balancing act of being self centered at times along with the idea that karma exist, the ying for my yang.
So today I wonder or actually these couple of years as I gotten older, I wonder if it really exist? I question if to take the saying "what comes around goes around" as something that should be practiced. I see bad deeds happening all the time. Well let's not say bad. But negative actions flowing by each day. It exist since evil is what help us identify good, that I can understand. But for example, at work I see how my manager acts without any ethics, moral, or simple consideration for people to serve her own interest. Her action is not obvious, but her malicious action wrap behind the fake act of kindness. Yet she is proud of her ability and often boast her willingness to get nasty on people. So I wonder what came around for her? Has the universe failed? Is there a response? I think it was not until I been in Hong Kong, I notice how there are so many negative action that could happen in a given day. I see a prosperous location with opulent growth and yet I also see a society with a whole lot of walking dead spirits. The weird thing about not seeing karma work is that I end up wishing bad things to people. So that very act is negative and of along with other attitudes afterwards that stem from that vary thought. So I hope I am able to find or maintain the meaning behind the actions which spring from the intention of an unenlightened being. Because like the simple understanding of Buddhism, if that deed was done too casually or the intention behind it was not quite pure, that wealth so obtained sometimes cannot be enjoyed. What I hope is that it is still alive both within me and within the universe in which I operate. So in finding peace, I pray.

The sick knows the sick

2011-09-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

I am still recovering from the singles and because I am really limited to only so many activities, I decided to finish a book that I just can’t seem to finish. To my surprise, I completed wasting my time on the “too big to fail” book and just in time to catch up on news about how the market been taking a beating within the past couple of week. Of course all this in sync with my growing interest in purchasing more stocks along with the combination of everything around me has in a way reignited my opinion about finance and politics. As I said before, the biggest crimes are those made in the name of religion, family, and the act of hiding behind the purpose of serving the less fortunate. Such example as in finance, where people are led to believe the reason the financial market is going through its turmoil is because of the short-seller, or the banks are too big to fail, or the reason we do this is to save the financial world just frustrate me how people allow themselves to have curtains of lies pulled in front of them and in the expense of so many innocent people. It is a long and twisted set of explanation as to why I think so. But I have to point out a few examples.
For one, I think the idea that the short seller are to be blame for market crisis is a basic tactic of placing blame onto someone to distract the truth. How is short seller different from any participants in the market? Their strategy is betting on the market to go down, while we have the long buyers wanting the market to go up. Equally when short need to cover their position, their action will cause the market to go up or vice versa. Any volume drive a direction in the market, not the position. We allow the traders to push a stock market up by having them contact their clients. How is what they are doing any different from the shorts? The same people who is calling people manipulating the market should really bring themselves out to face same judgment of how the are a hazard to the financial system.

From reading the book, you can not ignore that Wall Street bankers are separated from reality or even have an almost omnipotent attitude of each other. It is a large fraternity with actions by a small individuals who are without care of anyone else and yet their full display of recklessness gone ignored. People these days for some reason give so much power and praise to the fat and stupid. In the same pool, you have the lawyer and other wannabe investors thinking they actually deserve all they are receiving. Someone how what they have in their wallet is actually an indication of who they are. Majority of them has the attitude that what they do is some how special and thus they rightfully deserve the money they made and eventually lead to the construction of their superiority complex. Why the harsh word for this population is because I feel like nobody want to stand up to it because for some reason in society having money gives false power. For example if you look at the government, in which most people agrees (including the bankers) lack any sense of urgency get things done and lack the ability to put aside their self interest. Also to blame for the turmoil that the US is facing. I didn’t make this up, the news and rest of the world says so. Yet to examine this, the backgrounds of these governments consist of lawyers and bankers. Again proves my point about how we look at the short seller wrongly because people stop thinking, but instead listen to people to tell them what to think. But even scarier is that there are more bankers and lawyers being manufactured out from the once Ivy League school. White collar crime are on the rise in parallel, while frequency of financial fiasco occurring more often, and everyone agrees the world is worse off then it was 10 years ago. If you were to check other countries who are prospering, their leaders came from engineering and humanities background. Their background and their building block in discipline is to actually construct and produce something to benefit something or someone. You see that “thing” to completion and not just look at number, but the whole picture. It is not a mystery why Asia has been gaining economic strength. Their leadership and background are very different from the western culture (Europe/US). At one point, the US labor make up pretty much the same. Check out how all empire fail. Trends always the same from producing labor to not producing labor. Technical skills are highly regarded and eventually serve them when they come to leadership. The reverse is true where the whole life of a banker is to look at numbers and completely ignoring the elements behind those numbers. But this will change for Asia as well since doing little to get a lot is contagious and inviting. For the time being, their foundation is so different. All this rant from a hater? Actually no. I strongly want the US to be better. But to be better we have to change and bring up what is wrong. It takes some real self reflection and less on blame. I only wish it could of happen sooner than to wait 3 years later. The banks and law firms has a role to play, but for the past 20 years we given so much power to these complimentary services that we failed to ignore the fact that we operate on the tangibles assets and wages distribution is heavily misaligned in today’s society.

This entry is becoming longer than I thought. So I cut it short by bring out one last point. Entitlement is contagious and it creeps up on you. I see this in US and now I am seeing this in Asia. Major downturn will always happen and also very predictable. What is so lacking in today’s world is the need to be socially conscience versus acting like you are socially conscience. What is damaging to US and Asia today is the inability to be a little less imperialistic. I continue to see blame pass on political parties, pass onto race, pass onto other countries, and pass onto other people. But above it all the blame is more within themselves. It the critic do this, they will surely be more forgiving to themselves and will maybe a little bit more forgiving to other people. I find I am repeating the same comments I made 3 years ago when Obama came into position. But this is not about Obama, but about the delusional idea that plague many parts of the world today. I do think there is a greater shock awaits that people are not aware of. People often say things are not like they once were. There is a reason, mental state of the society is a bit ill and some therapy is desperately needed by the citizens of the world and I just hope it will not be too late. Well if it is too late, then hopefully I am not around to see it.

Shingles Sucks

2011-09-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

These couple of days been hell. Both emotionally and physically. The impact of shingles can vary form people to people. I don't know how other people handle it, but for me it took me to the point of having crazy thoughts and really mentally crashing from the physically pain of what that virus was doing to me. When I thought it couldn't get worse, it got worse. Last night was probably the worse given it felt like my nuts got kick by a horse. The shortness of breath, the cold sweat, and the wishing that it will be over soon, but it does not. The other night, my back would ache to a point where I wanted to take a knife and cut myself open. The night before that, the leg felt like snakes running through our leg taking random bites as different location. Those nights were the worse, but this awful virus started 12 days ago with its other wrath of symptom that just drive you nutty. I only hope it goes away soon.

Looking back at the past 12 days I went through so many thoughts and physical challenges. First and for most, it felt lonely. When you are awake during 3 AM in the morning crunching in bed, can't sleep, walking in the dark because you can't sit, feverish, or even going to the bathroom every 15 minutes, you start question why me. That question put you in your own chamber of anger and also isolation from you and the rest of the world. What is very sad about all this is that no one really understand how that felt. People will say it must of hurt. They may read medical journal or even have friends who had it. But from my experience it is still just myself for the the last 12 days. It sadden me because I feel that way, which I didn't think I could. Looking back I wonder if I was feeling sorry for myself and maybe still am. Yet in my heart I felt that having the emotion that I went through this by myself seem wrong given I do not live by myself. In my opinion, it is during the unplanned moment that you uncover the unknown. Therefore I have to question of why I feel the way I do. Is it something that I do upon myself in those situation? It is something lacking in my relationship with others? Is it something lacking I need from someone else? Is it something that I needed only when the unexpected happens?

I don't have answers, as most of the time I blog on things which I don't have answers for. I just know I needed some sort of release and hope that compress emotion can flow out of my finger tips. Maybe someday when I look back I can discover something and understand this artifact a bit more.

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Going through what I went through, I went outside to grab a sandwich. Being locked up for the past 5 days really takes a toll. What is strange about going outside and meeting the rest of the world is that that it felt the things I once noticed were "filtered down". Not knowing how to describe it, but it felt like I was watching things through a glass. I am in it, but yet I don't feel like I am.

I am going to try to insert myself back into the real world tomorrow by trying to go to work. I am awake again. This time at least not as the pain I experience previous nights, but I still can't sleep. Going on 3 hours sleep is just not good. I hope this is a sign things are getting better, but if it another round of pain is to come or the pain will prolong, then I have to really consider anti-depression pills because controlling my sanity is getting a bit harder each day. Let me cross my fingers that this is a road to improvement.

Zombie State

2011-08-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

No I am not talking about the government, although looking back at my past posts that seems like my favorite topic to blog about. But what I am referring to is my absence from blogging for the past 8 months. Since then, I landed in Hong Kong and living what I wrote and thought about the years before. So this evening I woke up from my nap at 12:10 AM. A bit dazed and had the urgency to write. I think blogging to me is like releasing that personal gas that's been stuck in you for so long. You held it in because of some distraction, some moment of self control, and during the entire time it continues to just swirl. Tonight I decided finally to release some "stink" that really just been building up. Like all things that build up, it spurts out in unorganized gush with very little indication for details but more in just to have the need to act out than any attention to finesse. So here is my haiku of thoughts over the past 8 months with no following of its poetic structure nor its poetic quality.

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Another year went by. The feeling of that age. That number is so much more real than ever before. The unlimited, becoming more so limited

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Hong Kong is the land that is so full of personality, yet so little in spirit. It is a concrete of souls that walks through life seeing things from the opening of a long bottle.

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The spirit of Hong Kong is materialism and egos. Land of people who just need a bit more hug from their mom or just need a major whack with a baseball bat. You have the locals, but more so you have the expat who really thinks that are from heaven.

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Nice to be in Asia because the stupid, the carelessness, the wild wild west of the east is why you feel a bit more alive. You have less people telling you what it should be. Back home you are governed by time, friends, family, and in certain way yourself. They subtle placement of limit to you by all those things determine who and what you are at certain time of our life. Ironically, it is your life.

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Obama, what can I say. My previous blog already said enough. Where are all those people that use to ridicule those people who are not pro-Obama. SF people please stand up and take a bow.

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Economy needs to be fixed. There is a solution, but very pain staking path for the US because we are jaded and we are less traveled.

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From my encounter with people from different races, background, economic status and religion, there are few people rich in life. In my opinion, despite the most travel people and those with the most amount of wealth are the most narrow in sight and in posses the wealth that I am expressing. They can have an excellent education from top school as a high income earner, but they are so blinded by their own self imposed righteousness that they cast themselves as the Bevis in this sitcom called life.

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I want to be rich because after you are a certain age you become a turd. You wonder and you pause. But making money is something easy to use as an excuse to tell yourself that you are keeping yourself busy. People will not judge you if you get good at it. I am not good at it, but I like the mirage of being in a plan and trying to execute. I have a question of how do people get to retire with no worries. What is the require monthly cash flow by not doing anything?

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With all the talk about my new found experience in Asia. My family seems to disappear into my memory chest. Christmas and birthday went by without them. I am sad by this, but I also realize that as a person I can only do so much and it is up to the other person to respond.

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It is difficult for me to explain how I see the world and the concept of "life" to someone. Internally I feel chaotic as well as peaceful. Psychologist would have much more to say about this. But I think life is just like the way a person takes in air. It is there. You have to take it in. You can control how much to take. The pace. The quality. The type. You can refine it. But as precious as that is, it is also free. So you take it in and you exhale.

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Okay I think the fart ended. Or just my old joints are tired of typing. Whatever the case is, I woke up middle of the night to start punching the keyboard and transfer my "gas" to cyberspace. Hmmm do anybody use the word cyberspace anymore????

Where Politics go too far

2010-11-16T06:56:00.000-08:00

I'm sad to see how citizens are the actual victims from the irresponsible practices of world politics. Nobody can ignore the news that continue to circulate between US and China. Each country publish its exaggerated truth, and each one uses the media to recruit more to its herd. I see it because I am fortunate to monitor both counties by living in both continents as well as receive news in dual languages. It makes me sick to see how now their higher education institutions became sell out to political agenda. What is more disturbing to me is the widening gap between cultures and races that are forming in silence. Everyone is becoming more political, more silent to their real agenda, building the herd mentality, and stepping back to the progress made in the last 30 years. When you look through comments about US and China you can see the racial and nationalistic tension brewing. What is most disturbing to me is that that each country's citizens play important roles within one another. So what should we look out for?

- With the talk about currency manipulation and mud slinging, beware of imperialism. Historically this leads to war, racism, and a step back in humanity.

- Become leaders of this world and not fall into the trap of being a leader of a world. Regardless the economic power, social advancement is the most important thing. A country is not much more than just a memory until it can advance to a civilized society where it bring forward thinking movement in humanity and beyond its geographic locations.

- Nothing is fair and nothing is forever. Stop using fair as a tool to feed hostility. Nothing is taken away for free as long as there is a free market. Whether that free market favor you or not has nothing to do with fair. Always keeping opinion out of sight does now create harmony. It just brew for another revolution. Allow the cultural evolution to occur.

- Don't follow the herd. The rich and abundance of information can be a blessing as well as a curse. If there was ever a real objective of journalism, it is to deliver no answers but instead explore the possibilities.

- Lastly, listen to mother earth. What is beyond the politic is the fact that earth is the same house that all countries operate under. If politics is about managing and direct the change, then maybe we should start observing the change in the foundation of the house.

All the things above may seem like a pie in the sky in regards to politics. But I think in today's politics it is creating separatist. Maybe it is the current stigma of the US administration or maybe it is the communist foundation of China, but regardless the reason, the web is one place where it can be use the prevent the countries to revert by to their old ways.

Spain

2010-08-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

My trip is approximately into its 11th day with majority of time D guiding me through Spain. All together it is a wonderful country. The beauty of travel for me is to see stories play out in real life. Observing someone you see during lunch or just explore the city that shapes the people around it. There is something interesting about the action of wondering because you learn the appreciation of the things that a person have and redesign the things that you want. It s a continue cycle of course. Everyone choose a path, but when I am at another country it gives me the freedom to wonder what if I lived there and how would my daily life be if I wasn’t me? It is difficult to explain, but in a certain way I think this simple exercise gives you a piece of the answer to that ever lasting question of “what is the meaning of life”.

So my impression of Spain is that people don’t work. You see many people just observe. I can see how a person would love this place because in each one of us, we want to take time off and to do just that. Just too bad we been told all of our lives to wait until we are old and in retirement so we can wonder about dying. So Spain fulfills that part of me, the acceptance and appreciation of the simpler things. Such examples are in their food. They are simply made and yet so delicious. If you are a believer in being a purest, you will come to learn to love their food. Its culinary attempts reminds me a lot about Japanese food where you take the pure flavor of the food and use the spices along with other complementary ingredients to bring that flavor out to the consumer. Yet the funny thing about Spain is that with its simple food, its inverse is its complex artists. I came to appreciate Dali and Gaudi during the trip. They are masters during their own time and beyond. Many people attempt to imitate but you can tell the ones who fall short. Talented people’s mind is a bit scary though. It is very true; geniuses tread on the edge of sanity and craziness. So bottom line Spain is a great place. It is better when you go with your girlfriend. Because I think to take the theme from the food, art, people, and places that we visited this past 11 days, a relationship encompass just the ability to extract out the wonderful flavor of the simpler things and while learn to make it work while appreciate the insanity of it all.

Mid year review

2010-07-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

I remember I blogged about this a year ago. My fears, my criticism, and just my observation. So who benefit from the bailout? So who continue to hurt from it? How much will people continue to allow themselves of the bias and close to propaganda writings that are out there. Imagine how much energy were used to build that perception and the creation of the Obama zombies.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100714/ap_on_bi_ge/us_bailout_watchdog_small_banks

I mean let's not look at the political party, not the color of his skin. If you were to judge him by what he has done what score would you give him? Now imagine if Bush did the same exact things, what points would you give him? So far the difference I see between him and Bush is really he is a better speaker. I am still waiting to see if he can can walk the talk. But the most that I am disappointed about is how the truth go hidden and how intelligent young American became the Obama zombies.

Manic Monday

2010-07-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

Sometime you just don't know when nor you have enough time to know. I recently found out a friend lost her whole family during the July 4th weekend vacation in Arizona. Her mother and father were both killed in a car accident. The car rolled and a big rig smash the car into the wall. Her sister and cousin survived the accident, as the sister still remain in critical condition. She is now by her side with her sister as she prays for a quick recovery. What is sad about all this is that she is only 23 years old, with a kid and trying to be a part time student while working at the gym. I feel sad to see bad things have to happen to good people.

So I wonder what does one do when that happens to him. It is never an easy time for a person spiritually as well as financially when something that tragic occurs. But I think without going more details of what happened, you have to start thinking that life is about the unpredictable. You can never really ever say all you have to say when someone leaves. That is just impossible because it would be too much stress for any two parties when they have to do that every time they depart each other. Yet of course being human beings, we always wish we could of said more or do more. I think that is a natural reactive thought after something tragic. But I think the most important thing about all this, being this as incredibly simplistic, is to try not the think about what was lost, should have, or could have, but instead remember why you remember the time you spent with that person while he or she was alive. I believe when someone can have memory of an event or of a person, those memories are the bricks that builds that house that keep the spirit. In the same alignment that spirit feeds into a person's soul. Because of those correlations, as long as you have memory of that person, he or she will always be connected to your soul. That's why our soul evolve as memories are pour into it. So what is the bottom line? There is no if, should, or need. It is just about construction. The construction of you. That is why in most spiritual texts and religions, they always talks about how every human being must believe and do have a place in this world. Some leave a bit early some leave a bit later. But all are the construct of each other's soul.

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There are certain incidents that just make my skin craw. Yesterday, as we were waiting for our table seating, I saw a group of friends, probably in high school, waiting for a table. There was an out spoken girl who was Asian. She was definitely an extrovert with full of opinions that made sure everyone heard her. But what is annoying part of that encounter was her constant stab and making fun of herself as an Asian and being Asian. This incident is very common and happens all the time. I begin to wonder if there is any other race that would make fun of his or her own race like the way a lot of Asian do. I know you hear about racial jokes, usually done on stage, but for some reason Asians make it so public and with so little thought. I wonder why? As intelligent or intellectual human beings, don't you have something more to say? If other people can see the wrong in do such things, why not Asians? You often hear about Asian guys not having self confidence. In my opinion, any Asian who makes fun of Asians lack that self confidence. Ironically those are the same Asians who refuse to be with or date other Asians and call other Asian lack of confidence or boring. Man the oxymoron. Maybe just the moron. Anyhow, I was that close to give her my two cents about what she was doing.

Air is thin at 12000 feet

2010-07-05T22:17:00.001-07:00

I spent my day off preparing a few things as my OCD schedule dictates my schedule to wind down this month. This evening I begin my post mortem for the first weekend of July.

One is irony. Without disclosing my age, I had a recollection of my emotions in between the age of 3 to 7. That feeling of being an orphan was mainly from not knowing where my father was and my mother was away in the states. For some weird universal reason, I am left with being passed as responsibility to different people. Don't give me wrong, I am grateful my great grandmother and my grand mother were there for me during that time. But you spend your birthdays wondering where are my parents? A bit confused about the concept of family and most of all in a very weird way at that age you spent the nights question what is the norm. Now, decades later, I am planning to head back to Asia where I began my childhood and feel a bit like how I was when I was 6. The family is still in limbo, but at least this time I am going in my own terms. When I rode on the plane I smiled because irony kinda sneaked up on me. Maybe sometime life is not about the perfect picture. If an artist is to do that, then he really can't paint. Because life, like art is forever progressive. There is really never one picture, but instead it is how many time you pick up the paintbrush and how many paintings you decide to paint. Hmmm....something about flying, you don't really have much to do except to think. Maybe it is the oxygen that pump through the cabins that makes me think about paint.

Another interesting things is an article that I read about how now student have an option to go after an international baccalaureate curriculum instead of taking traditional AP classes. This program make student look at how the world is connected and stress on global education in literature, science, and history. In the article, one of the parents who oppose this program in high schools cited her reason because she felt it was un-american because the students are moving away from the traditional AP course which its focus on memorization and mainly US driven academics. To me this article along with many other events that is happening right now are indicators the world is shifting in a bigger way then anyone truly realize or would like to admit. The world is getting smaller and also it is getting more balanced. Information can flow anywhere and can get there so fast that it is now harder to get the truth. Not because there is less truths but because there is less bias. But the acts of getting the truth is hard because you can no longer just get from one source, but instead have to look at the macro information society.

Last interesting thing about this weekend. On Monday three things made me happy. One is a comment left by someone who sometime can just write the right thing at the right time. With that I feel very lucky to know that she exist. I just hope she does gloat just because I wrote this. But then again I have many written cards to show her friends if she does. Second the weather was great today. Sometime when I step out, like today the nice breeze with the sunshine just right and the air so clear that it just feel good to take a deep breath. Man I am going to miss this fresh air. Lastly, I saw the cutest kid on jeopardy. Something about a 12 years old kid with glasses wearing a business suit just make me laugh. I am amazed at how he spoke eloquently which exemplified how advanced he was compare to his peers and yet his suddle action you can still see the youthful 12 year old kid. That you got to say well, that kid's parent did something right and life brings promising people.

Departed

2010-07-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

I hear about defining moments for people and I often wonder when things happen to me whether those are the defining moments in my life. I think my decision to quit my easy job in this economy and decide to travel for 3 months and see what that takes me can contribute as one of those defining moments. But as I believe, it is the experience that you absorb during the events that define that experience. It is during those moments that you should often take it in and decide what to do with it. So my preparation for this trip did that for me. Many things during this cleansing process gave me a sense of nostalgia of the events in my life at the bay area. The universal truth about life, the time spend here was filled with both incredible memories and deep heartache. But what sometime you do as you exit an apartment is symbolically for me throwing things out, so I can hopefully bring something in later. At this point I wonder what that is.

So a bit of heartache formed within me with the news that I am leaving the US widens of an already fracture relationship with my mother. Not so much the news of me leaving, but the conversation starter opened up old wounds. I should of known as an adult that picking at scars really don't do much except just remember how you got it. But with a stubborn mother that refuse to see the glass half full, I am left with a portion of my heart a bit more damaged. With time I know it will heal, but the scar tissue with take up room in the heart and in my soul. I often ask God why I deserve this. Then time pass, pick myself up, and dust off the begging questions. Sometime a man is too old to have to go back and sometime a man just needs to forget. The problem with me is that I don't forget. If nothing else, by having that ability would give me a bit more sanity. But when I am away I think I do my part to block things off. But somehow I feel like today's conversation is that defining moment. I had to say to her a portion of what I felt, how I was unfairly treated, and just be me. The result is not good. In back of my mind I would wonder how good of son am I being. Should I just suck it up and continue get emotionally beaned? But at some point I have to start fixing me and stop carrying my mother's burden. A portion of me feel like I am being selfish and a very unloving son. But at my age, I wonder who is there to look out for me when all I do is give. Not sure what the universe (God) would say to me about my actions and thoughts. But this moment I stand behind my actions and let it see how that define my future.

Investors versus Traders

2010-05-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

Wow....so many things to blog, but I can only choose one for now. I guess the most obvious one would be the stock market and the activities that surround it. So my opinion about the automatic halt for the stock market is a bad idea that came form a bunch of people who really don't know what they are doing. Despite their positions in society or maybe their career resume or even what great school they came from just tells me that there are a small group of people that decide for the majority. It just shows that we have people who do not look out for what is best for the people, but instead their agenda is to a selected group. We think the school they are from or what company they work determine their ability to do the right thing. Something is very lacking in all of this mess is the knowledge and courage to affirm that "we" need to stop become zombies or lemmings of this world. But before going further, I think one thing should be clear, there are investors in the market and there are traders. The investors are gone or pretty much a dying breed that got killed by the idiots that try to put regulations and reforms to the market. They use fear and creation of a enemy to drive their agenda or popularity. They say you are the victim and "they" are the evil one, the wrong doers that take food away from your family's table. So what do I mean by that. To begin, what happened on May 6 was the perfect platform to say we need financial reform. The same reasoning behind why we need bailout and all the stuff that we been fed with. But for one second what if all this is due to the natural market forces, the same market forces that drove the market up. I didn't see anyone mention how we need reform when the market jump 1k point in one week or the unexplained reason why we hit above the 10k mark. So okay I benefit from that improvement in the market as I suffer from the fall of the market too. Funny how the first reaction from people, especially those in the government is to look for an enemy to cast blame. Our administration and his lynch mob were ready.

Now the proposal was to halt trading when stock fall below 10% (originally they propose 20%). They come to an agreement that 10% was where the bar should be placed. So anyone who knows economic principals can tell you that this is not the best instrument for market reform or just not good for the market period. In the long run it actually hurts the free market and counter the concept of what a market is. It is also why this administration or really the finance industry has become a shameful bunch because of what they know and what they don't know. This is not about intelligence, this is about greed. So let say the market drop 10% and the halt takes place. As a trader I've been saved (the pause) to exit my positions before it is too late and give me time to rearrange my trade strategy. While the investor wonder or await what happens next. He doesn't have the tool or insider benefit to know what other people are planning on doing. As a trader his mode is to minimize risk of movement in either direction, while as an investor this halt puts him in a holding pattern because he really do not have the tools to react to the market as the traders. So the next day or 5 minute after, the trading resumes. The investor know that a halt took place, will wonder really was that the bottom or an opportunity to buy. The trader on other hand got all the tools to assess the load or direction of trades that will be coming down the pipe and thus the advantage to the investor. In the meantime the trade will make some money with the increase in volume of trade that needs to take place to ride out the volatility. Buy, sell, hedge, cover, and you can name all the strategy. The investor will wait because he knows about the artificial interference with the free market and overall sentiment are getting low (or nervous) so maybe right now is not the best time to buy, but maybe it is. He waits for more information. While the traders will have their own opinion (opportunity to buy, must sell), generate more trade. All this is happening with millions of people in the market. So who loose out on this? Wonder why the investor always get the short end of the stick? Because those who are in the market tend to be there to invest, while those who handle the money makes more money. The halt did not help fellow "Americans", it help the selected (separated) Americans. There is more to be said. But the above is a simple example. But the activities for the last week since May 6 shows what the huge drop was in fact natural market reaction. Although painful to experience (me included), it is part of being in the market. That halt already been implemented in people's mind and the reaction to the market shows it. All this reaction by the policies to inject artificial growth into the market is why we have this situation. The market been injected with so many foreign substance (policies and creative investment strategies) that we are really working with a less of a real market. This market is like a human being that been on crack. We still call him human (market), but really how much of him is really a functional human (free market). Yes people will say they are too big to fail, they will say well the market went up since what the administrator did. But can it be that all this is the law of free market reacting to the fiscal policies than been injected into the system? Can it be that we been led astray by the promise of change for the greater good to investors (Americans, families, ) but instead been zombified to participate in this casino of traders?

Fear Factor

2010-04-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

The thought of in a few months from now I will quit my job and go travel in Asia for 3 months scares me. That only word in that sentence that I had a problem deciding to use is the word "scare". In a way I am not sure what word best describe the emotion and the logical thoughts that are mesh together right now. I know I dislike my current job. I know I want some sort of change from what I do day to day and week to week. Yet on the flip side I can't help but to think what happens when I do not have a job to go to and the realization that no cash flow for the next couple of months. I tried to address this fear by submitting for jobs in anticipation that after the travel, I would land a job in Asia. Yet when I looked at these job descriptions from the websites, I discover many jobs require you to have the right to work in that country. So me physically being there means? So how do I combat this at the end of 3 months? Although there are jobs that are open to any applicants, but the majority prefer having local people that they don't have to sponsor to work in that country. With that discovery, I am full of anxiety. The possibilities that I may not find a job may happen. That thought really makes me feel like a ton of weight been put on my back. The thing is that the unknown create many possibilities. Those possibilities can be opportunities as well as lost. You really don't know until it happens later and the things is that no one ever hear about what was lost. Not sure what really all this means since my mind is really scattered with excitement of doing the trip, the fear that I may be making a huge financial mistake, the hope that the opportunities to it may bring, and the stress of if I end this adventure by myself, then what? Maybe it will be a Pyrrhic victory. If it is, then will I dwell on what was lost or embrace what was acquired?

My sword is as long as my number of visits on my website

2010-04-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

I was wondering when this will finally happen. Truth and fiction will reach a blurry point. Ethical journalism will become so much for evident as know the digit pen becomes more powerful than the sword. Presidency can be reached, enemies can be created, and minds can be transformed. My next prediction, white light journalism versus dark light journalism.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100407/tc_afp/usitmediaeducationjournalisminternetcolumbia

A Sniper's Aim

2010-04-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

I guess the audacity of hope do not apply to everyone. It really should of been the audacity for separatism agenda.

http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/109234/health-care-reform-tax-hikes-on-the-way?mod=insurance-health

A simple email to me

2010-03-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

From mom to me:

Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'Why did God have to do this to me?' Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, 'Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.'

'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers.
'Yuck' says her daughter.
'How about a couple raw eggs?'
'Gross, Mom!' 'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?'
'Mom, those are all yucky!'
To which the mother replies: 'Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!'

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

No Cake for You

2010-03-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

Today's announcement that the federal official granted 600 million in education grant really makes me wonder how a kid can grow up in the US. I don't think everyone is given a fair education and a person who works hard will not get the education and future s/he deserves. There are so many programs out there that just grant certain people advantages and put other people in disadvantage situations. Even the criteria that were use to select these school are good indications that things will not be fair for future American. Your ethnicity, you income level, and your state determine what kind of education and government program you receive. Not everyone will be available to compete fairly for the schools, if you choose to continue your education. It is not about your grades, it is not about your activities and it is not about what you do, but who you are. That is becoming more and more true as I continue to see the federal program being introduce into Americans' life. But to get back to the education piece, check out the ethnic population of the states (even just the top 16 that got in), then check out the political parties in which these states favors, and then look at the criteria in which the schools(state) get selected. The facts don't lie. Sad to see this happening and how it will impact future people. The most that will get hurt are not the elite who compete and beat out many. But more disturbing are those people that are in the middle of the pack as they move forward in their education and in their careers. At the middle of the pack is where those bias benefits really make its impact. I wonder how many people notice this? How many people realize the implication for the future generation? Where is the America that claim itself to be a land of opportunities?

Dreaming American

2010-03-25T16:32:00.000-07:00

With all the news about health care reform, Google, and financial crisis, I wonder what is United States? I mean, what is this nation becoming? We can have certain people pay more for health care, while other receive free health care as solving wealth inequality. We don't follow another country's law and proclaim that action as free speech. Furthermore we pass off the financial irresponsibility to those who are responsible, by writing things off the books and rotate who is to blame (but yet no specific accountable person identified).

So I wonder are we (US) self centered? How often do we look our self in the mirror? I see how we constant expect other's to FIT into our mold. Yet the world is changing and it is moving forward. The old rule that WE are the only game in town is long gone. Does this sound familiar? Is this much like the GM of the 70s? But now it is not one company, but one country practicing the ideology that we are the center of the world and everything circle around us. If you were to see all the political comments about another country, the change that should take place internally within this nation, and the reform that needs to take place in our financial infrastructure, they all have a common approach. We become cry babies or to be more accurate, we are acting like the two year old that all mothers know about.

So why am I saying this? Because there is so much correlation to what works and what does not in a society. Being proud American (or when we were all at one point) was never about crushing the majority or seeking equality. It was about taking ownership with what was given and making it work. It took biting the bullet. It took sucking it up. It took some open minded thinking about the other side. More importantly, it took entrepreneur and a very capital spirit (not a handout) by all who live in this country.

Everyday Events....Noticed

2010-03-04T16:10:00.001-08:00

Strange thing happen to me today. As we are about to go through an earthquake drill at work, one of the managers called from a distance. He approached close to me and apologized for not making my meeting this morning. He explained the reason was because he got an emergency call that he had to take. It was the news that his mother-in-law passed away. As he tells me this, I looked into the eyes of this 6 feet guy with tears starting to overflow. At that moment I was for one shock that he told something so personal to and at the same time I froze not knowing what to say to the man. I felt sad for him even though before I thought he was a real cocky son of a bitch as a co-worker. That friction between us was temporarily halted as a higher issue emerges. I had to leave because I had to go to the evacuation area, but all I can say to him was, "hang in there".

Ironically, during lunch time I got a call from G. Talking about how he always wanted to go snowboarding in Japan and of course complained about his experience with booking his flight back. I told him my plan for the end of this year and he responded with no comment. Maybe he was shocked and didn't know what to say. But as I sat in the car getting ready to return to work, the song "Live like we are dying" played on the radio. Maybe just the lyric or maybe just some freak timing, or maybe now I just start to notice because I am more sensitive after hearing that guy's news, but the song made me wonder what should I do about what I just experienced. The news of a person passing away, a man that drop all that he is at work after learning that news (what matters to him now?), a person wishing he could do, an event that bother him so bad that he needed to complain, and of course the reason why this song was written? All this is just writing down my sporadic emotions. The phrase that comes to my mind with all that I just experience is the statement: "The weights in our lives". Anyhow, not to over analyze things, but I should record some lyrics from that song that spoke so well of today's experience.

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking

Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying..

Union Nation

2010-03-03T21:32:00.000-08:00

I can't help but to comment. I told myself not to waste too much time on this, but dam I just can't help it. The country that I love is becoming a unionized nation. With the proposals this administration been trying to send through Congress, it is really making me wonder why nobody see the long term destruction they will do to this nation. It will give them short term positive numbers which will appear they are doing something right, but the negative impact will last way after this administration leaves. One person says it best. Almost everything this administration is trying to do is counter to the law of natural selection. All proposal by this administration is about survival of the weak. If look carefully, it is about giving to people without them working for it. What is scary is that the theme of the work by O is very much like how you run a union. So what is so bad about the union? Well if you look at all the new ghost towns and industries that are failing, they all are heavy unionized. The union plays on people's emotional need and that is how they get the support of the large number of people. The development of representation by number starts with recruiting efforts of using one or two incidents as an example of all worker (American). People start building that feeling of hope and inspiration. Yet it lacks any substance, but it draws on pure human emotion. I work around union and I see this happen all the time. What stink about what is happening is that our nation is becoming a giant union. History tell us, when time is good a union plays an important part to product more representation. But when times are bad, a union actually has an adverse effect on improvement and innovation by building entitlement groups. Don't be surprise if things seem unfair, despite general perception, a union world is never fair. If you look at all the bills that been passes and those that are being suggested, they all favor certain class or/and ethnic groups. Abuse will occur in the secret few. Lets be real, if anyone is brave enough to look at the impact, the bill already started to benefit a section of the American population. Start looking at things around you (television, marketing ads, leadership appointments, new home owners, available grants, available education, increase in living standard, and much more). You will soon realize there are people who are benefiting from this and it is not all Americans, only the skewed population. While there are a section of American that are being sacrificed. So why does it seem like it (stimulus plan) is working and yet it seems like it is not. Well because we are in a period of the biggest redistribution of wealth in history. This redistribution will hurt our nation in years to come. We will see other nations progress forward, while we continue the state of trying to survive. Sound familiar? Because this is the beginning events when union form within an entity.

If I've been wrong (in this case I hope I am), but my track record shows that majority of time I am pretty close in my assessment. I write what I observe regardless of party. Unfortunately people just can't see pass what party or what ethnic group they belong to. I truly hope that something will happen to avoid the path we are heading because my future depending on what this administration will do in the months to come.

Friction

2010-02-21T23:08:00.001-08:00

I wonder what this new lunar year will be for me. One word that I can give to describe this week is "Friction". This new year started out in Egypt with little reminder that it came. Although it made a whisper entry, it bring strong head wind that make me feel a bit deflated already.

The new year started off in beautiful (depend how you see it) Egypt to discover its rich history. But that got redirected into an argument with D that started from the issue of payment for the excursion to how our hostess did not understand we need a la Cart menu. Although topics that usually go unmentioned, it exacerbated to us coming to our near decision to depart our separate ways. In the end we continued our trip and we did not act upon that night's conclusion. Yet I have to wonder, why it has to occur every time we go on a trip and how much can our relationship withstand the stress until that fracture became so grotesque that we have to turn away? The topic never really discussed between us, but I think D has to wonder that herself. The statement for us to break up is becoming more frequent during our fights. We will continue to have the geographic divide and our time are limited to when we do see each other. The question lies in how much we have changed and how much our relationship have went astray. To complicated even more, my quest to leave work later this year and travel is in question. What if we can not be together? Either the universe unwilling for us to hold jobs in the same location or just the normal change in our individual lives divide our spirits to be in a relationship, the uncertainty give me doubt to my ambitious quest to leave the US. I am afraid there are more questions than answers, especially when it come to the matters of the heart. Also one point that D brought up is true. There is something in me that I am torn, unhappy, divide, angry, etc...about. I just don't know what that is yet.

Maybe last night provided a slight clue. Went out with K last night, since big K was stopping over before his trip back to Hawaii. We hung out with a few of K's friends who I later discovered are a bunch of 23 yr old single mothers that really just whacked in the head. Did the dinner thing, the karaoke room, and then went to a club where R was the guess DJ. The night ended at its usually ritual of wonton shrimp noodle and my miraculous 10 minute nap. The next morning I feel a heavy load of uneasiness. It is hard to explain, but it is an empty feeling of wondering why I am still doing this. My question of whether this is where my life is about. How is it that I have people around me and yet the next day I feel more alone versus if I were to do things by myself? My friend once said I am naive. Sometime they say I look for the perfection and sometime they say I just like to seek aimlessly. Regardless what adjectives I can circulate in my sentences, I think I am looking for something greater than the routine. Maybe it is about something greater than myself. Maybe it is about having a detail goal. Maybe it is about getting into something that I can work at. Regardless what it is, it seems that the less of the standard is what I seek more than what I realize in the past.

To run away from a past. Can it be that my parent had such an impact of my past that I struggle in trying to run away from it? How can it be that talking to my mother can bring so much frustration? Earlier this evening, she asked about using my benefit to travel to a China trip with her distant aunt and my grandmother. Even the simple explanation that my benefit included me being tax for her trip became an argument of me reluctant to help her. It got to a point where I was stand accused of lying and question how is it a benefit. Sometime it is just exhausting to even speak about one topic. There was no word on how my trip was or any mention of how I am doing. Just about how I could not simply say yes to her request. The sad thing is that if I just said yes and did not lay out the risk of flying during China's world expo or the fact that things are not free, then maybe I would of avoided the heartache. Let it be at that day when she is stuck there for a few days. Is it better to just have things happen even though I may have the foresight? My constant preparation or understanding what may happen seems to always get me into trouble. The fact is people don't want me to avoid how they my be hurt. But I think what it is more important to them is that it came be easy.

Well my first day back to work is tomorrow. I can't say I am very excited about it. But if the past week is any indication of what is to come, then I am for some major confrontational events.

Measure me, measure us

2010-02-04T10:24:00.000-08:00

I have a new respect for those people going on a diet. Maybe it is my age or maybe its just my lack of will. But I find that I have a tougher time loosing the weight. I've improved my diet with very low amount of carb.....well I think I did. But I've yet to see the reduction in the muffin top as I have hoped. The weird part of my new diet is that I end up having less energy when I get involve in sports. Maybe just my body getting use to it. This feels like being a chemist trying to mix the right amount of chemicals into my body so I can operate better. For instance, I bought half wheat pasta the other day. I don't know if I can commit to whole wheat, because despite my delicious sauce, having crappy pasta just ruins the entire dish. But then my choice for pasta question my attitude flaw with this diet. Why not have the entire pasta whole wheat?

Ah, I can't pass this up. Hmm, I wonder why the numbers are so off? An example why I feel the measurements that is in place are inaccurate and wrongly reflect current economy. I can't believe it took them that long to realize this. As I said before. The first change is to reform how we measure the US economy and not let political administration be allowed to change those criteria unless by a body of bipartisan economists.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Recessions-job-losses-likely-cnnm-1998556151.html?x=0

Not an open book

2010-01-29T11:37:00.000-08:00

We are often told to not judge a book by its cover. I think people listened, acted out this idea and then completely missed the whole point. People stopped looking at the cover, in fact diligently telling others to ignore the cover, and leaped to stop reading the book all together.

After listen to O's speech on YouTube, I have a more understanding his political DNA and a bit of his human side as well. Unfortunately I don't have any good things to say about it. I view this not from a political party standpoint, but from the examination of a public figure that over the past few months have taken verbal karate into a whole new level and in my opinion to an art form that people starting to model after. There are other human traits that I observed, which I will defer until later. But to examine just from his speech that he made, I question and judge who is the real O. Bottom line, there are a lot of over exaggerated statements and flat out lies. I'll name just a few:

More Transparency - that is a complete lie. He said he would allow the American people to know what goes on in the white house and Washington DC by posting the visitors online. Well if you really dig deeper you will find the truth. The administration did not disclose all the meetings they had with the banks and when journalist tried to get details, they were turned away. In addition, pardons were not disclosed to the public and other legislations were passed without giving any notice to anyone in the category of the average Americans. There are too many too list here, but transparency is not truth. It is a tool that is used to position himself as a defender of people and then point as some enemy.

He also had a statement saying we should stop campaigning and start working for fellow Americans. But it you look at his activities all he does is campaigning. He campaigned for the budge, the health bill, when his party was about to loose a seat in senate and much more. What about allowing certain people to ask question at town hall meeting so he can look like he is in touch with the average Americans? There lies an art. Align with the victim, and then make sure you identify the enemy before anyone else.

He had no choice but to support the past administration - this is another lie. He said he is often force to do the unpopular thing. So after it happen, it was obvious that he made mistakes, but instead owning up to it, he passes the blame. Basically he said he couldn't stop what was going on. I thought he was a leader of the nation. Imagine if a CEO said that. Would that be even acceptable and wasn't his premise of the race about bringing change? Despite the obvious, he spoke so boldly on how much on what needs to be done by someone else. That to me show someone who act real leadership and provide no accountability for his action. To me that is really disturbing especially he is so readily pointing finger at other people.

Stimulus Act works and saved jobs - that is some what of an exaggerated number. But at least there is some truth to that statement. If a company fire someone and the hire someone right back, then they get credit from the stimulus act and the administration get credit for job saved. Also when you look at where the money is going to, a lot is going to the wrong places and focus on only specific industries. One can easily argue it is bias on class, race, ethnicity, and industry. No research is done yet, but I assure soon people will start looking at where the money is going. But the most important thing about the stimulus act that one person has to really ask is, how is this going to make economy better (opportunity for growth) versus just bandage (give fund to) what is already wrong about the economy.

The lost decade of where no growth - housing bubble and financial during the republican ruling, is a false statement of when the housing bubble started. The deficit is not what causes this mess. The deficit is a reaction to the bubble burst. As I recall housing started with extreme growth when Clinton was in office. The bubble is not a political party problem, it is a people problem.

There are so many exaggerated statement and false comments in his speech. The most disturbing part of his speech is not what he point out what he has done in the past, but what he envision in the future. It is a very dangerous road to continue if US follow through what he suggested. His bill and his path are about helping the weak and punish the successful. Giving money to those who don't have to pay back their tuition, give small business money for them to give increase, and of course other acts where to give more to the so call weak. Basically capitalism is out the door. The hard truth is the capitalism is not fair nor is it kind. But that is core what America is build from and is about. People came to this country to have the freedom to express. They want to exercise their capitalism. They escape their country so they can avoid the unfair treatment to a certain class, certain race, certain ethnicity, or just any other bias political act. In practicing that capitalism drove the entrepreneur spirit of people both economically as well as emotionally. His movement is to make people a victim of society. It reminds me a phrase "We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, but Plymouth Rock landed on us". It is a scary though when the next wave of budge and bills that he plans to push through congress. The fact is that job will rebound, but with a cost. Law of economic says eventually the wave turns and employment will return. But the distribution of wealth is artificially distributed by the government and not by the natural movement of capitalism will push stagnant growth for many years to come. If to closely look at all the initiative he enacted and about to propose, it is to foster the belief of entitlement in the American people. That entitlement is really what began the down fall of the economy.

So for all the things that I have written, one would wonder if this makes me a hater or even a conspiracy theorist. But you have to wonder, why is this the second time where someone in the audience express how he lies. First it was the republican dumb ass and the second is a Supreme Court justice. Regardless what party, you have to wonder, why would someone outburst like that. In the course of history I don't remember having that much outburst of expression. Maybe the insiders know something more and maybe they have a bit more understanding of the truth.

Look people, the sum of the parts make the whole. Get the whole so you can understand the truth. Notice, you don't get the truth, you understand the truth. It is up to each individual's responsibility to get that understanding.

I like to see America become strong again, but in order to do that, people need to be real. Sometime it may just require shedding all the ego and entitlement that have build up over the decades. It is a brave new world out there and when we talk about global economy, maybe this is where it moves forward in acceleration. In the past we think the rest of the world circle around us. Maybe now we realize the world is not flat and we (Americans) are not alone in this world.

The empty O

2010-01-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when you read an article and it gives you relief that you are not crazy. Maybe someone else in this world also sees the truth to what O is really about. I wish I can say I told you so to the all those that believed in his act. I want to say, " Hey dumb people in this world, why don't you smarten up"? Yet I realize the supporters of the great hype are the well educated people. They can't possibly be wrong, they think all we need is hope, and the chant now we can do what? That opens up the question of whether if you are as smart as you think? Book smart can never take away from experience, truism, and historic wisdom.

I can not say it better.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/how-obama-is-failing-investors.aspx

With that moment of teasing and ego boosting exercise, I must say I feel sad that the state in which the country is getting itself into. I like to say good things will happen, and I think they will, eventually. But there are so many people that will fall to the victim of this mess that goes unnoticed. I think people should be angry. Angry at our leader, angry at our self, and most of all withdraw from the egocentric practice that we place on other people. Want a better world? Start by being a better you. Dam it! Check yourself!

Eat Me

2010-01-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

Got my biometric screening result the other day and found out I have extremely high triglycerides, which means I have a high risk level for metabolic syndrome or in simple terms heart attack. I was told of this before when I got my physical two years ago. My doctor told me to watch my level. I wonder if I gotten higher or lower. Nevertheless, I figure I should alter my eating habit a bit and plus I think maybe the sports I do every week been helping to balance all the crap I put into my body. Hahahah I talk like I’m 50 years old. So from D’s advice I should cook more at home, which that is not going to happen or I should pick up stuff from healthier store like Trader Joe’s. So went to trader Joe’s this morning and may just found a liking to this store. But I’m not sure how health is the stuff I picked. For instance my lunch from this place is eggplant Parmesan. I wish I can take a picture of it, but it looks greasier than my pizza last night. The cheese melts all over the sauce and the sauce in goo over the eggplant and the eggplant over the sea of oil. Nevertheless I’m proud of the list I got since they look pretty good to me.

Mushroom Fettuccine
Tikka Masala with rice
Butter Chicken with Basmati rice
BBQ Cut Salmon – I actually have to cook this thing, but the butter is included.
Gnocchi alla Sorrentina
Eggplant Parmesan – will consume.
Handmade chicken burritos

I’m still looking for the healthy part. Hahaha. I have to see how these food make me feel in the week to come. But for now psychologically I’m getting healthier.

Proofing the continue line of zeroes

2010-01-16T17:31:00.000-08:00

Is it the things around you that make who you are or is it you who make the things around you what they are? Fifteen days into 2010 has been rather troublesome for my spirit. It brings mix emotions of the events that have passed over the years as well as the uneasy feeling of the things to be in the months to come. I wish I could say I feel positive and that it is a new year. I mean, isn’t it how that suppose to work? The new year bring hope, optimism and the turning of a new leaf? Yet I don’t feel that way. Therefore, I am consciously taking this weekend to explore what is inside of me that I yet do not know. Not sure how to break this down, since my emotion and thought comes from multiple directions. I wish it was two dimensional or even 3 dimensional. Maybe because I am writing this at 2:30 AM, but for me, I swear my thoughts feels like the trivial zeros in Riemann hypothesis. The proofing of what lies in this critical line of mine is beyond my comprehension. So maybe an approach to complex problems is to start with simple methods applies in this case. So what are things in my life that leave me uneasy?

My current job sucks. Enough said. I complained enough and ran it through my head to realize that it makes me unhappy. Although the hours and the travel benefits are unbelievable, I am left with a sense of what the phuck am I doing here?

An internal confirmation as to where I would be. Usually people can say my home is. I can not complete that statement. This makes me feel a bit nomadic. I don’t like the uncertainty. It leaves a void in my heart that is unexplained and I have no intention to visit that topic deeply. When I start thinking about this topic, I question whether it is because I’ve always moved around or that I’m too stubborn to just settle or even just something where I’m just mad at my upbringing. But in a way I believe my life be somehow navigated to this unsettle feeling of not able to say “this is home”.

Having a long distance relationship is finally hitting me. Maybe I’ve been trying to avoid this topic for some time now with some sort of self hypnosis. I think I’ve been using things to keep me busy so I would be distracted to just avoid my feeling about maintaining contact with someone who lives thousands of miles away. I held back the word relationship because if I were to examine this closely, it is the little everyday things that make up that interaction. Seeing, touching, exploring, doing the wrong, uncover the right, opening the door and seeing the person, sleeping, eating, realizing the bad, realizing the good, and just a whole chain of things that take a step forward in that exploration. But when physical distance comes to play, it eliminated many of those things and halts a relationship. But in reality nothing been stopped, because one core variable will always continue and that is time. As I explore this topic before, time can be a double edged sword or a double edged toothpick.

Friends are gone and truthfully having good friends around is really difficult to find. I am thankful that I still keep in contact with them, but yet like all type of relationship in general, physical distance detaches me from them. Not that I do not have any emotion for them or that I am not glad to see them, just that it is different. That difference becomes barriers and the physical distance eventually lead to emotional distance.

So with a combination of these things leave a very bitter taste in my mouth to say the least. If any of the four things change, it indefinitely brings other into more chaotic state. Where do my trivial zeroes lie in this critical line of mine? When do you stop seeking and accept things to be as is? Can one’s own conflict be transference to others around him? My most unsubstantiated concern is that nothing gets change or when things change, they change in the worse time possible. Maybe the question to my self is what to let go. Since I can remember, I’ve always tried to grab onto things until I can make it right. Gripping whatever that topic with all that I have spiritually as well as create my self hypnosis sucking it in unless I get what I want. Those times may deliver results, but often without some sore of casualty or opportunity cost. Then there are time when I waited too long to let go. This eventually leads to a constant self doubt and bipolar like dispositions of which I discover in my self evaluation are not good for the soul. Not good at all.

What do you call this?

2010-01-12T16:04:00.001-08:00

A indication of character? A philosophy of leadership? An example of ugly politics? A wolf in sheep's clothing? The change that we all sucker to believe in. The transparency and openness that was promised.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100112/ap_on_bi_ge/us_stimulus_counting_jobs

Bush couldn't say it, but I guess this administration knew how to execute it. It is FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME. I guess all the people that so tunnel visioned in believing in this administration should take a reflection on one's audacity for seeking real truth. Maybe less time spent on criticising other people for not believing the same and more on uncover the cloth. I wonder when will people start judging the work of "the man" instead of the color of "the man".

Eve of Christmas

2009-12-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a sad day. Christmas eve, unable to get to my family, I was forced to have Jack in the Box for dinner. I guess the jumbo jack served as my turkey with stuffing. Tasty, very tasty I must believe. Now this morning, I woke on Christmas day to catch my flight to Los Angeles. I briefly caught the Christmas story on TV and for some strange reason I begin to think about my prior conversations and other events that took place in the last couple of weeks. For some reason I think the Christmas story reminds me of the conservatives of once was and what is today. I think conservative always hold on to the past. They see the tradition and often enforce some sort of control over matters. In a way I find that often lacking in today’s world. If you look at the Christmas story and other memorable TV shows, they often display the level of innocents or even naiveness of both the actors in the show and the audience. Simple thing such as respect law enforcement, or a student to watch out for that teacher that will send you to detention are to be respected. In a way being conservative pull you back a little in the way you think. Yet if we choose to be more progressive, often tag as for liberal, we seek to test the water. Seek to change the status quot on how things are done and believe that all should deserve a bit more. These two things can conflict and often people seem to have to choose either one side or choose one political party. When I look at it, the conservative and the liberals are in many ways in the two boats sailing the same sea searching the same destination, yet totally opposite paths. The thing we will all admit is that when it comes to the holidays or just the general respect of each are just not the same anymore. Something got lost in the time that has passed. As a conservative I am right to think that things were wonderful, yet it would be foolish to think that things will never change. But as a liberal, I also would probably agree that some wonderful things got lost, yet progressive events will make things better. Yet it is foolish for me as a liberal to think that progressive liberalism does not promote some level of chaos or the lost of time kept tradition. Funny thing is that as time has passed I see the conservative of today will die. The liberal will evolve. Part of the liberals will eventually slow down their progression and morph into modern day conservatives, while another part of liberals will seek higher progression. Thus that epic battle continues when someone will say “those dam liberals” and those narrow minded conservative.

So why do I say this. I think when you look at pop culture and the things that we grew up with were at one time once testing the waters. When you roll back the clock you remember how it was cutting edge. But when compare with present time it seems so innocent. With this holiday season I am reminded that sometime a little bit of conservativeness is missed and needed to be preserved, while the excitement for the liberal movement is to be welcomed to the new year and to move with the conscious social responsibility.

Tears for Fears

2009-11-30T18:34:00.000-08:00

Tears for fears: People are people, so what should you do……A song by the 80’s that probably have nothing to do with what I am writing about, but come closest to what circulates my mind as I sit here waiting for my flight home from Tokyo.

So far in my life time I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to travel outside of the United States. Some places I’ve visited once, others I made repeated visits, and the rest I get narrative from those that live there. From those direct and indirect experiences, I can think of two natural observations when a person travels. You either notice the difference or you notice the similarities of those that you meet in your travels. I am sure if I were to examine more carefully I would notice the new things. But that observation would be a bit more exhausting since human natural is to align the environment to one’s self, instead the reverse.

I had other things to write about this, but after a week of break from writing this entry I’ve forgotten what I needed to write about. Maybe the point of all this is that sometimes you just has that one moment to capture the new things. I can write about the how things are alike or how things are different, but there are moments when my vision widen and I fortunate to see the new. Such a shame to not internalize when those moments occurs.

Seeking Neutron

2009-11-02T10:49:00.000-08:00

It is funny how one discussion with D about Mr O and his economic policy lead to someone writing about the same thing the next day. I wonder if our skype conversation is tapped.

http://www.minyanville.com/articles/deflation-japan-lost-decade-keynesian-bernanke-spending-minyanville/index/a/25229/from/yahoo

I can't put it such eloquent words nor do I read enough economic books to reference these authors mentioned in the article. But I can say that my thought of the impact of the "stimulus" plan is from just a simple connection of cause and effect. Understanding the multiple degree of separation with the "player" of economy along with the social dynamic of people with their basic need for comfort (safety). At lot of what I've said are mentioned in the article. But what I did not put together is how deflation of an economy. I wonder if the collapse of the banks is just a deflation of the economy. A clean house like or even just the true evaluation of true wealth of people. I wonder what the Keynesian theorist are wondering now. I am not to favor one economic theory versus the other. I just think it is a chemical mixture, that both can be false and both can be true. Like the positive or negative electrons. It works on when you infuse both the negative and positive. Otherwise too much on one side lead that element to break down.

But what is the solution? Well it will take a lot. But the first step right now is to fix the indicators that we are using to report the wrong information to people. Yet we continue to use it to drive our decisions. I am talking about the out dated economic indicators that we use. Since many adopted in 1930's a lot has change. The core economic drivers of the US and the world are very different today versus 10 or even 50 years ago. Not to mention also the social economic behavior of people. Indicators is just a way to show how people will behave to money. So in my opinion how we behave with money changed a long time ago. So for example the methodology which is use to capture inflation, ever wonder what gets' factor into that number and what doesn't? Imagine if it did factor food and energy. Although I know those are high fluctuations, but wouldn't it paint a more accurate picture of what is rising or falling. Imagine if these reports gets a face lift. The impact (negative and positive) will cause mutual funds, banks, government, and you can continue to name to change their "WORK". This chain reaction will have high impact on what we are really dealing with and maybe we can start focus on the real problems. So that "WORK" is monsterous. These are what returns the fund actually produce, interest rate policies, monetary supplies, adjustment to social security, and the list just continue on and on. Larger than most people could understand it or be able to recognize until it gets worked into the economy, but having correct numbers scare the crap out of the government, banks, and the most wealthy. Oh well I can only hope. The truth the matter is, there are a lot of people who benefit from not having the right measures. So we will see. I wonder if this thought I have just written down will emerge someday in political and economic discussion. But for now, another article (mean) to justify my past conclusion (end).

World Teachings

2009-10-23T14:21:00.000-07:00

It is nice to see that some people are realizing what I've been blogging about for a long time. For awhile I thought I was the only one noticing what was around me. I just wonder when people will finally see what O is and is not. The sad thing is that the needed overhaul is spreading across the world because we've done so well in selling the wrong. Oh well I doubt much will change, but I can still hope. Maybe it is not about the audacity of hope and change, but about the deliverance of integrity and what is rightful.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/wall-street-run-amok-blame-harvard.aspx?GT1=33002

With that said, I don't know too much about the guy, but John Mack from Morgan is winning my respect. Quote from him: “Stand up for what you believe in. Do what you think is right. Be prepared to suffer the consequences. But don’t be pushed around when you know in your heart of hearts it’s the wrong thing to do.”

http://postcards.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2009/10/23/morgan-stanleys-mack-speaks-about-survival/?source=yahoo_quote

Afternoon Thought

2009-09-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

"Man skids into midlife and loses his soul. Man goes looking for soul. After a lot of instructive hardship and adventure — taking place entirely in his head — he finds it again". (by Carl Jung)

I wonder how many people loose themselves through the course of their life and yet were able able to reclaim it? Even if they find their soul again, is it ever the same? I wonder how many people loose their soul again and again, but finally realize it was never lost.

In the course of over 3 decades of my life and close approaching the 4th decade, I have pleasure to encounter people at many walks of life. Some I kept contact with for years, other I know for a brief period of time and others I get cliff notes version of things that happened to them every couple of years. I am so intrigue by how people equate the unexpected lost or short coming of their life with the lost of their soul while what they earn or the blessing they receive as how they find themselves again. They don't all say how their soul was changed, but in essences all the conversation, blogs, email, postcard, and tweets are just that. My soul did something.

**************

On another note, I wonder if Biden is the new Bush? He gets an ***ism tagged with his name and luckly he's only the vice president.

http://www.slate.com/id/2228872/?GT1=38001

Salemanship

2009-09-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

I feel a sense of anxiety when I experience conflicting worlds. One is the information or knowledge of what I feel within me about the world today and the other is the external world that surrounds me which fill with other people's opinions and suppose educated information.

The first few paragraph of this article is an example of why I am not on the O bandwagon. In my opinion, we are praising an educated use car sales man. You see when you make a sale, you play on the emotion of the person (the target). Avoid any situation about substance because although noble, will never make you the top sales man. This is sales 101.

You see, it is never about the substance or detail of the topic when it comes to Mr. O. It is always about how the situation is hurting someone and who is demanding this. What make this an "Educated" sale is because it is well planned and executed. The foresight is amazing. Carefully crafted and orchestrated not by himself, but viral like implementation, by a larger degree of separation. To put it simply, set up a victim, create an environment of anxiety and urgency, set up a target (a goat), and the delivery is not a solution (because solution get tested) but phases. Never say it is complete, because there got to be a villain and avoid any postmortem unless it support the cause. No conclusion, no commitment, no checking the facts. It is not about reaching an end, but more on a continue movement or flow. This is modern Roman politics at its best. It take a intelligent man who is well read to put this together. It then bring up the question of just because you know, does that mean you do what is right? Like the Romans, which are highly educated people, practiced these ideologies, of hierarchy (how many czar do O have?), class inequities (bailout, trade tariff, tax plan, other O plan), elite power (TBD), iron-fisted policies (government involvement in finance and business), and the politics of harsh vengeance and elitist authoritarianism are being retooled in today's administration. I commend O for the craftsmanship, because truthfully if anyone want to get ahead in the corporation today (get a raise, higher position, etc...) he or she will need to follow what was practiced by the commander of this land. The societies criteria for respectability been lazy. We grant it by, majority vote, level of education, how he talks, what does he look like, or even career or salary status. But what is missing is the action to examine the substance of the person and to judge equally not base on the color of the skill or one's own self serving ideology.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/CompanyFocus/why-the-meltdown-could-happen-again.aspx?page=1

"Or perhaps not only the seasons but everything else, social history included, moves in cycles. Not, however, that earlier times were better than ours in every way-- our own epoch too has produced moral and intellectual achievements for our descendants to copy. And such honourable rivalry with the past is a fine thing."--Tacitus, "The Annals of Imperial Rome", ca. A.D. 100

Pain

2009-09-14T22:01:00.001-07:00

It is sad to see how media choose to be bias versus bipartisan. I wonder why certain news get so little attention while other just continue to get coverage over and over again.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Feds-steps-to-aid-banking-apf-1128818940.html?x=0

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0909/27110.html

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/is-stock-market-still-a-chumps-game.aspx

*********

Man I feel old. Can it be that this is the year where I have to hang up all the activities that I love to do? I finally reach a complete understanding why athletes retire at certain age. I notice I surpass most of people my age when it comes to activities they do on a regular basis. But acceptance of moving into that phase in my life, to be honest, makes me a bit depressed. There is a rhythm of the mind and the body when it comes to how they work together and as time goes by that synchronization slowly erodes. Sad to see that that this could happen to me. Does this mean I have to take up golf?

Oracle

2009-09-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

Message to myself: I observed the market, the news and the documentary on the ascent of money and decided to refine my hypothesis. Base on my observation both of history and as of today, I am reaffirming that the world is shifting unfavorably for the US. So what is the basis of my opinion? Well for one, a welfare state or likeness of it, is forming in many places. This fear of risk and the reaction for government involvement will move toward that type of welfare. Involvement by the government will be accepted because it plays on people's fear. We see this taking shape in many areas including finance, technology, medicine, to name a few. Inflation and slow growth will come. This will happen after we exhausted cutting expenses from the income statement and use up all creative accounting tools. It is not good or bad, but more so an economic shift. That definition of shift, to make it simple, will evolve into how the world would be a lot smaller place for everyone. I believe the elite (I don't have a word to describe it yet) or better yet those who will benefit from this shift will have to be the one who is willing to be mobile. I believe in the future we should not be surprised if most of the wealthy American citizens are not located in the US. Instead they bridge their life between US, Asia, Europe and South America. What is interesting about this is that assets are spread all over the place, and a financial management of this will create a necessity and an industry that manage the assets of these people. Neighbors and friends are not by one town or by one state but by countries. Again, this is only for those of the privilege and elite. Some will have the ability to take advantage of this, some will choose not to do so, and some will be left behind. Social issue will become more urgent things to deal with in the US. But that analysis will take a whole new blog to describe. But what we learn about the global world while we were in school, is happening right now and it's taking place by operating outside of your world (US). So how will I balance the drop in the US $, the decrease in salary, increase gap between the rich and poor, and the issue of green environment? Those circumstance will be something I have to confront sooner than later. I think it is interesting to live through history and to me it define how we live life that is given to us. Part of the gift that life has to offer involve navigation. I believe at the end of this journey, before you see that white light, will be a quick film of how you navigated through this shift and the people who you share this shift with.

O you are my only hope

2009-09-01T16:58:00.000-07:00

Not sure how long this link will stay active. But at least people are starting to recognize the pitfall of what is consider "change" by the new administration. What concerns me is that the author's prediction is so far into the future (2012), which to me mean there are still some leg in the stocks to go up for a bit or possible side way cup and handle formation for the market. But what I feel is the most disturbing, is people ignoring who got us here and who did what to prolong it, the one who got away with doing wrong, the one who let them get away, and the question of who has the answers and courage to make it right. When does a finance person learn that they came from economics and not the other way around?

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/New-bull-new-bubble-new-meltdown.aspx?page=1

Ride off into the sunset

2009-08-30T15:21:00.001-07:00

I finally sold my bike, which also in a way an end of a time in my life where that bike meant so much to me. I like making one major purchase every year or two in order to capture that period in life. It reminds me of what I was thinking, wanting, avoiding, and any other reason why I make purchases. But I must say I am sad to see it gone. The next person should treat it well.j On the other hand, I am glad that it is gone, because in some weird but unexplainable way, I felt that anchor me too. It is true that sometime to make things better is to just get rid of some things.

Had dinner with B yesterday before heading over to J's birthday party. The topic of mini retirement came up. It is an interesting idea. So basically it is saying start having your retirement when you can. He talked about 10 year, or maybe 5 years, or maybe 2 years. What ever the time frame is, you are officially telling yourself that you are retired. He got this idea from something he read from an article which said this was common among generation Y. That generation saw how their parent saved and struggled. Then they wait to cash in until official retirement age. So may experience great illness or even lead to death while that person worked toward that retirement day. What is sad to this idea is by retirement age, the things that you once wanted can very well be less attractive or disappear due to just a basic factor of age. So this conversation went on and while the alcohol buzz slowly flow through from head to toe and came up with an observation. What is it that when it comes to money or job, we like to stick around when time are tough while we are very likely to leave when time are good. Whereas when it come to other things such as going to a place to eat, when thing are bad you leave that place and then you go somewhere better. You nature instinct is to avoid the negative and seek positive. So, what I was trying to say was that time will always move forward and while times are tough you live your life (by taking what is bad now and turn it into something good for yourself), while when time are good you are still living you life (because when you are working when times are good, it just doesn't seem like work as much). Otherwise you just struggle when times are bad and struggle less (because seeing how you are missing out on the opportunity) while the good times arrive. It sounds to me, we are just not living very efficiently or better yet not utilizing time very well. So with that I have to ponder on his suggestion and then wonder what is the duration of that mini retirement. He said I would be bored by 2 years.

So one good thing happened (by selling my bike) lead to one bad thing to occur. It must of been last night while I my car is parked near New Montgomery, my bumper got hit while someone was either trying to get out of or get into the parking space. People are such a**holes in SF. They have no respect for other people's property. I find that they can boast about the weather and how great the place in comparison to other place. Which only SF people do that. Which also makes me wonder why they have to compare because no one is competing with them. Or maybe it is like a short guy wanting to buy a red Porsche. Yet this crap happens all the time and for some reason people do this kind of thing while the locals just reach with acceptance of it being the status quo. My observation about SF is that they boast how people are nice, but yet when you look deeply into who they are (I am generalizing) they are really are acting for like a closet elitist. They say they care about the macro topics by making loud claim on the environment, health care, rights, etc... and yet on the micro level they separate themselves from other people not like them. I know being fake is everywhere and in other cities, but at least at other places they don't boast on how great their city is and hide behind on the macro issues.

I ism this I ism that

2009-08-24T16:33:00.001-07:00

I am tired of seeing all the "..ism" in America today. I swear I see racism, sexism, ageism and patriotism every other day. Trust me there are more ism than what I've listed. These words are in books, newspapers, television and even everyday speech. I see it so frequently that I wonder if people even know why they use it. In my opinion, they are constantly being misused by everyday highly educated people. The reason the highly educated people are major culprit of this is because it is easy to just summarize than to examine the details. Also it make it an useful tool to prove a point. But the topic is not about how smart you are, but about what integrity you have in the search of the truth out there. Furthermore, I think sometime smart people are not always the wise one. Which is why when you look at the history of truly great people, they are not always the smartest, but illustrate how wise they are in that time of need.

So I don't think other country have the need to put everything in some kind of system of belief or doctrine. Here in the land of the free we have to feel superior to everyone else and therefore we categorize people. But what is more disturbing is that we use the word to preach and judge others and yet we are the one that practice such blasphemy. How many time have we gone and condemned other countries for what they are doing. We announce them as inhuman and in the name of freedom we say so. We judge them as they were less than us. Then in all occurrences, year later we found out we were in the position of acting the same inhumanity. For example, in history and as today we see the practice of war for some sort of cause. We justify our action by the use of defamatory statements, insert our enemy into a doctrine, and bless it in the name of freedom for all. This is what is sad in my opinion. The intelligent people use their gift to compromise integrity. If you were to look at what is wrong today, that may be one of the starting point. The real smart one, will use this same practice, build a belief, and then fool other smart people into his cause. But when it come time to show what he has done, he has very little to show for it but to continue pass blame onto others. Well, for those that still in search of the ism, here is one for you.....foodism. Now get ready to separate ourselves from different kind of food.

Run Forrest run

2009-08-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

I just watched the movie "Sea biscuit" and can't help but to comment a bit on what I just saw. It it truly an inspirational movie and I can understand why it got great reviews. Just funny how it took me so long to watch it. I guess it has to get on TNT since sticking a DVD just seems too hard. Anyways, that little bit of history is in some way reflective of what is going on today. Although we were lucky to not experience such hardship as compare to the 1930s. Much like the essence of the great depression in the past, today people are forced to displace from their home. Whether that displacement takes in the form of physically moving away, or just reinvent themselves mentally to how the world is. During hard times, inspiration comes from hardship and that inspiration lead to remembered history. I just wonder when I look back 20 years from now, what history will I remember. But more importantly, I wonder what inspiration woke up during that time. As I see it, it always takes something major to change the tide. Maybe that change should of been the crash of the banks (well Mr. O prevented that) or maybe that change is about the shift in world power to come. Whatever it may be, I think the story just beginning versus all the talk about how it is finally ending.

Life Promises

2009-07-21T00:34:00.001-07:00

I believe that one of the hardest thing in life is to "trust" and the second hardest thing is to "change". Normal people deal with one or the other separately. But there are times in our lives when both merge together to bring life unexpected challenges. When that happens, it is up to you to decide how the story should begin and how it should end. Both really goes together if you really think about it. I believe the greatest reward is to be able to sail through the headwind of change and trust that it will take you to more places than you ever imagined. That probably sound more like a fortune cookies, but in reality who really are brave enough to take on the challenge? In my opinion, most normal people back away from things being different. Let's face it, it is easy that way. They do not believe that it can be pleasant. Most of the time, the initial stages are not. At that point they make excuses, redefine the situation, or even just simply deny the reason to have that change. Usually at the point, the person is starting to give up on the idea of change. Then, that is when I think trust comes in. The second headwind that push you back, push you forward, or to even push you to giving up. It is the double edge sword that people often mistakenly get cut by. Trust can only formulate when you first have the desire to take ownership of that task and then follow by the person's ability to accomplish that task. Once you can master both, then that is when trust begin to build and many time lead to exponential and unexplainable returns. Usually we have self doubt of our ability to even start that path or to even continue. We hit a wall where our motivation decrease to a point where we start creating the reason to reject that change. That is when you reach the two cross winds that blow you off course.

So what does all this rambling mean? Well I think first is to start with getting to the right state of mind. Embrace the unknown and believe. Just let go and believe. Nothing else. The simple belief that life is about embracing what you do not realize you will earn. The unexpected can come as a surprise or it can come when you just allow a door to be opened. It doesn't have to be unplanned, it just needs to have the opportunity for things to go according to plan. That is where the Almighty, the Ala, the Buddha, or god comes in. It is the force that call life that you can rely and trust. That force begin with His trust in you. In return you trust life and it circles back to trusting yourself. This is not self glamorization,but more preserving why miracle exist in this thing call life. I believe there is miracle evil, miracle good, miracle love, and many other miracles that life bring. These miracles may not be persistent and if were persistent, then they wouldn't be miracles anymore. So that "force" come into play in developing those miracles and the energy or that fuel to create that force comes from "change" and "trust". Bottom line, embrace life for what you get and what you do not get. Because you never know where that force of wind may take you to. But where ever it does takes you, it is the only consistent wind that will sail you to what life is about for you.

Our great Change

2009-07-14T22:16:00.001-07:00

As earning season starts, I like to look back at who are our president's top donors in 2008 election. In recent news, Goldman just annouced on average their employees would receive 700K (average) in bonus. Also looking back at the people who gets hired into his cabinet and those who receive bail out money, I can see why Obama got praised by so many. See any trends?

University of California $1,564,490
Goldman Sachs $994,795
Harvard University $854,017
Microsoft Corp $833,617
Google Inc $803,436
Citigroup Inc $699,790
JPMorgan Chase & Co $695,132
Time Warner $589,334
Sidley Austin LLP $588,598
Stanford University $586,557
National Amusements Inc $550,683
UBS AG $543,219
Wilmerhale Llp $542,618
Skadden, Arps et al $530,839
IBM Corp $527,572
Columbia University $526,802
Morgan Stanley $514,881
General Electric $499,130
Latham & Watkins $493,835
US Government $491,420

Don't believe me? Check out http://www.opensecrets.org/pres08/contrib.php?cycle=2008&cid=N00009638

Big hand and little hand

2009-06-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

Time is of the essence. How that is becoming true and so much of me and my history is behind such a simple phrase. When I was young I felt that I have all the time that I need in my lifetime. Not that I have all the time in the world, but that there are so little that I need to fit into the time that I have. Maybe my chaotic childhood left me to believe that my vision of what things are in life are only through my observance of the people around me. Keeping it simple. Maybe that simplicity help me survive through it all. That question I ponder sometimes. If you don't know the potential then how do a person know what is it that he should do to extent himself. The perception of reality would be total different versus another person. There shows the sensitivity that it takes to foster a child's mind. Removing limits is as important as establishing limits. Not to put the people down or anything, but while I was growing up, I didn't actually gotten the encouragement to go after a dream, let along develop a dream. Without a dream sometime lack simple passion that eventually builds into more complex passion for other dreams. With passion, I think you develop your understanding of time. In my opinion, so much of what I understand about time since I was a kid came from ignorance. The unknown of how time works in relation to a person life often taught but by trial and error. But in a foolish way, when I was younger I felt that I would be able to race with time. I find sometime I can control time by making it slow down for me and sometime make it speeds up if I wanted to. For instance, knowing that most people may take longer to do things, yet I rather do it faster than correct. Or the thought that if I control what gets done during a phase in time, then you control time. That is a phrase by a procrastinator, as it is a phrase from someone who just likes the rush of control chaos. You see control time controls chaos. Much can be say about that, since there are periods in my life that time seems to just stop as well. Ironically now as I am getting older, I realize time is beating me. Maybe that is the cause of my recent nights of restlessness. I understand time has a way of changing things. It has a way to make you feel nervous or even scared. The funny thing about time is that it is very much like the H element in the periodical table of life. It is highly volatile, unstable, and can be very explosive. Much of what it is depend on how it is mixed with the other elements that is part of everyday life.

For instance the element of "Dream". As I grown older I have more dreams of what I want to do in my life. I must say I been fortunate enough to fulfill many of my limited number of dreams. It make me feel fulfilled at that time. Yet when I mix that with too much "Dream" then I start to wonder why I am not getting as fulfilled as I was before. It is like someone who never had a change to do certain things when they were a kid and now they see that or similar thing to replace the void. As what point is is fill the old versus creating the new? The catalyst for dream is aspiration. The flaw of aspiration is that it is very unpredictable when you build it in a dream. When the element of time is multiply by the Nth power of dream, then I get a bit disturbed by such instabilities. How much of it is really knowing what to cap and knowing that some dream should just be left alone and not be mixed? There are dream that are meant to be dream and there are dream that intended to be fulfilled. Time is the creation of that energy that puts dreams into motion or inhibited. I yet do not know how to control that combination.

Then there is the exponential growth element of time with itself. Einstein puts a very good visual example that time is like a outer layer of what we perceive as the world. It can be warped, everlasting, halted, destroyed, and looped. It is a matter of the energy that it takes to get you there. For me, I started to focus on time recently. So much of that concentration has because suffocating. I question the things that I did in the past and question the things to be done in the future. In those moments I realize I may not always make the best judgement. I been bless to have good people around me even though I take them for granted. If I were to look closely and analyze my psyche, I can also see that much of what I do, is so that I would have little time left to spare. It is a bit unfair to those people around me I agree. Not that this is a justification or a correction of mistake, but more so a self observance. If I were to ever have a daughter I would say to stay away from a person like me. Not that I have self hate or anything. Just that when a person is complex it takes a lot of energy to untangle that web. Nothing in this world says anyone should be responsible to do the untangle, except the person who is in the web. But time is in my head and it is drives me nuts.

So I wrote the above a few weeks ago, now as I am one day away from my birthday, I think it explain why I have so much grey hairs. Having unorganized thoughts is really bad for a person's health. But I think the idea that as I am a year older does bring anxiety within me. More so than I want to admit. The question of what is it that I need to do in my life becomes more of a serious question that needs to be answered. Maybe as I am getting older, I am getting the urge to make a change. I contemplated on the idea of being totally irresponsible and just not work for a year or two. Logically it does not make any sense nor does it show any maturity or responsibility. Then again talking to G, bring up a good point. When it it ever a right time. Depends on how much I want to talk or thing about it, it will always never be the right time. But then waiting for a better opportunity never really arrives. It is weird, as a person gets older, I think there is a point in every one's life that you ask yourself can I go and be irresponsible? I think after G saw the near death of his father, he seems less worried about the what if. His idea is simple, just go do it if you want to. As long as you have no obligations, then go. Just go. Is it really that simple? I wonder.

Schools getting schooled

2009-04-25T19:24:00.001-07:00

I blogged this topic about a year ago. Good to see that something is trying to be done about this. It is a very small step, but a step. Hopefully this is not one of just going through the motion versus applying this to an important part of the learning. Unfortunately this will take at least 5 to 10 years to have the effects impact the workforce.

http://spotlight.encarta.msn.com/Features/encnet_Departments_Grad_default_article_B-schoolsRethinkCrisis.html?GT1=27001

On another topic, I rode my bike today. I forgot how nice it was to ride when the weather is sunny 70 degrees.

The Dirty List...not the dirty dozen, but close

2009-04-24T14:30:00.001-07:00

Here is my list of people or things that need Transparency, Reform, Monitor, Stress Tested, Hoped, and/or Changed:

1) President Obama
2) Perez Hilton
3) Kim Jung
4) Citigroup, BofA, JP Morgan, AIG, Freddie Mac, Wells Fargo, GM
5) Ben Bernanke
6) Tim Geithner
7) Bernie Madoff
8) Robert Stanford
9) Supporter and practitioners of Mark to market accounting of bad debts
10) TBD.....

Bank Lending Still Down 23% 4 Months After Bailout (source wall street journal)
Banks that received taxpayer aid to restart lending are loaning less than they did before the bailout, a Wall Street Journal analysis finds. The most recent figures available, from February, show a 23% drop in new loans from the lending level in October, when the Treasury Department kicked off TARP, the Journal notes. The figures are a more alarming and possibly more accurate measure than those the Treasury uses.

Down goes Jackie

2009-04-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

I have come to believe that Asian are smart but not very wise. I came to this conclusion by means of generalizing the mass amount of Asians that occupy this planet. I like to comment on my statement of all Asian, but for now I will stick to the Chinese. To start, let's review the most recent news about Jackie Chan's comment about Hong Kong and Taiwan. He said that the Chinese needs to be controlled in order to prevent the chaos that we see today. The backlash of that comment fills the web today by people of Taiwan and Hong Kong. They call the comment racist, a step backwards, lack for understanding of democracy and freedom. But how much of it is just a knee jerk reaction to model themselves to western politically correctness and totalitarian behavior, versus maybe just for a split second, reflect whether there are some truth to that unprepared public comment. If anyone is to follow the political drama that has been happening in Hong Kong and Taiwan, then you can not but to take note that chaos do exist in those countries. Maybe is it time to stay away from the old ideology of always presenting the good and never disclose the bad because we just may loose face to other people. The fact is that the Chinese can always be proud of their past accomplishment of what they did, the hardship which they endured, and the ability to adapt to the most unfavorable conditions. What they often lack the ability to organize and to lead. As often as they try not to loose face, but in the (global) reality they never really had an identity or a face to be recognized. Those two words (organize and lead) are what will forever make Chinese the model minority or a better way of saying the second place to the first. Through my years of moving from place to places, visited country to countries, and worked from company to companies, I realize the biggest ethnic cannibalism are Asians (including the Chinese). They start off by banning together with the pride of their history, but along the way they start to disassociate themselves from the rest. How often do they say they are not like that. What are the FOBs and the non FOBS. Some goes to not dating or even have friends of the same ethnicity. Some will laugh about it and say they are just different. Yet if anyone else, besides the Asian (Chinese) did that, then they would be viewed as an embarrassment or plain socially unacceptable and ignorant. Yet the Chinese may self justify themselves by saying they are trying to stand out to be not like the rest is the reason for their success. The Chinese battle amount themselves to be the top of the class, but many time stands back to any confrontation from other groups. I've come to wonder why for a group of people that are smart and intelligent they lack any real identity to this world? I find them to be cowards when I see them holding back their thoughts, accept getting passed down for meaningful considerations and themselves undoubted frustrated with the circumstance, decides to take it out out on their own. My only rudimentary thought is that the Chinese seek for a hero to put on a pedestal. Unfortunately that quest is usually outward instead of within. They hold admiration for what they wish to do or often what they lack. My opinion is that the Chinese (or Asian) need to be in the light more. Whether that light is favorable or not, we just need to be there. Imagine how much media plays into our ideology of what is socially acceptable. Maybe it starts from that, the acceptance that they are not perfect and that they are more than just the smart hard working group of people. To develop that image of leadership, will undoubtedly take time, courage, but more importantly it will take risk (organization). They been burn once or twice, and they will continue to be burned again. Their strength of adaptability helped make the Chinese the way they are today, but it may also be their hindrance to the advancements of tomorrow. An individual passion of is all too overrated when there is lack of clarity to the commitment of the whole.

Going Long

2009-04-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

What is up with all this talk about Asia? I feel like the topic of people moving over to Asia has come up repeatedly over the last couple of days. It makes me wonder if this is just like the situation where you start liking a specific car, then realize more of the same car is on the street and that people are also driving the same thing. I got to admit it makes me feel a bit uneasy. Is it a sign or has it been happening already, but I just starting to notice it now? Whatever it may be, it makes me a bit sad.

Now the "what if". I been wondering at lot of random "what if". Nothing spiritual or enlightening, but garbage thoughts.

1. What if there is affirmative action in sports? You can't deny that sports such as basketball, football, or even baseball lack diversity. It is a profitable business and yet limited in entry to that field. Some people are disadvantage since their environment deter the idea to work on sports.

2. What if people started to demand honest journalism? Imagine if we stop tolerate the crap news and bias opinions that are shown in the media today. Maybe we can really get the truth versus celebrate all the media hype. If to sit back and look, the media shape some many people's minds and some may not even know about it.

3. What if we do good for the sake of a group versus for the individual? I didn't understand this until I grew older. I think the world has become more about the "I" versus the "We". It is sad really, because how we treat each other and what we receive is the result of that shift in thinking.

Well I only have three that I can remember right now. Now it is out of my system. If I have to be harsh, I have to say that all the struggle that we are going through is something that we bring upon ourselves. I can look at all this and say I am sad for what it is happening, but then I can also say we need this to get some people back to earth. I see "entitlement" all over the place and even despite all the crap that been going on, there are still people with the same attitude. Let strip out all the fortunate things that were given, then see how a person character is truly illustrated in a time like this. It is just too bad we have a government that want to give to people even though they did not contribute. For example, where is the extra tobacco tax going to? This land is not about the land of opportunity and freedom anymore. It is about something where what you do really count a little less each day. It is not about what you do, but about how much you can get away with not doing.

Well enough bitching. More sleeping. Time will tell if this angry man is right or if he is just mental.

Building Blocks

2009-03-26T01:24:00.000-07:00

The complex part of who I am is coming out in 2009....as it seems. I feel a little bit cloudy with my thoughts, almost intoxicated in vision and aimless in reasoning. I often wonder if there is a medicine for the attention disorder that I display. This year seems to be extremely tough for me with really no obvious logic or solid reasoning behind why I think this way. Well at least not on the conscious level. I often question my disoriented approach to life and the way I view things before me. I see what the general population of people do and yet I go do the opposite. Call it being rebellious or maybe just call it plain abnormal. It is a find line that can be cross either way. Maybe part of the reason is because I grew up in an abnormal sequence of stages to adulthood. But then at what point are you too old to say your childhood is the reason and the cause to your weirdness? I am not the type to pass blame on who I am because of my past misfortunes and the things that happen unfairly. Yet sometime I wonder how much of that is truly what I say to myself versus what I believe within me. They say a person always bring some sort of baggage with them. I just wonder how much baggage I've already dropped off versus how many I still hold on to. Well this is leading to nowhere with all this rambling.

On another note, I am starting to do my taxes for 2008 and planning the trip to Vegas to meet up with my friends. This time to Vegas I may have to buy an airline ticket. For some reason I feel extremely poor these days. Not that I am breaking the bank or anything. But I feel less adequate about my present finance positions. Usually I never say no to any trips that my friends suggest. If there is any trip that I do not make, it is because of time. Yet for the first time since I graduated from college, I have to give second thought to a trip due to money. Now that is weird for me. Maybe all this talk of the economy and people geting laid off spooked me. Nevertheless the proportion of what is needed to fund a trip is not equivalent to the effect of loosing your job. Yet I am concerned about why I am thinking this way. Maybe within me, there is a tiny voice that is saying that when June comes around I may be unemployed like many intelligent and hardworking people. I should be preparing for that day. Yet I find myself lack the motivation to search for a back up job or seek an alternative path. Maybe after all this year of being responsible, I actually want to just be irresponsible. The thing is that ever since I could remember, that is going back to when I was 5, I had to always worry about a backup plan for me in case no one can take care of me. I can still remember on one of my birthdays when I got locked out of my house. I was expecting people to be around or at least be home when I was returning back from somewhere. But then for some reason, neither my grandmother or my aunt were home. It is a strange feeling as a kid when you have that realization that no one knows where you are and you don't have the power to find out where other people is. Having to wonder aimlessly by yourself at the age of 5 at night is a very surreal experience. I still remember that night when I wondered why am I with them. What am I doing walking around and to where? How I am in a land of no where. The question of "now what" continue to circulate through my mind. It is funny what I can still recall. I thought I forgot about it, until I started to ramble on in this blog. Very weird. Well let just say it is funny what I can recall at 2 AM sitting in bed with insomnia. Well maybe this will help me sleep once I write this out.

Angry Middle Class Man....Sleep Deprived

2009-03-20T02:58:00.000-07:00

What is a person to do when he can't sleep at night. Well for me I decided to write. I think part my my insomnia, aside from just getting back from Asia, is my uncontrollable pondering of the events that occurs each day. I can't help but to observe and wonder do I live in the land of idiots? This blog will begin to sound like someone with the ego that is too much to read or even understand. But it is written by me who had to go against what the majority all bandwagon on, to be the awkward one, to have to sit through the propaganda, to have the argument with people close to me, to be labeled, and of course now be the recipient of the mistake that the idiots made.

Obviously the biggest topic these days is about the economy. It is most frustrating for me to see things unfold even though I saw the accumulation of events that lead up to the crap we call the stimulus plan. I can say many things, but I think I pick one topic and that is about the AIG bonus to their executives. I think people should really check themselves if they believe that we should claw back the bonus given. Did we forget that the government gave the money to AIG? Are we still in a capitalism society or have we gone back to were the government decided on how they want to manipulate the market and have control over a legal corporation. If we go back in a time machine, if we were the observer of a country that did just that, controlled how much a person should receive from their company, then would we call them communist or dictator or socialist? When did AIG become a government entity? Indeed money were given, to bail that company out. Nothing in the bailout says you can only spend it on certain thing. It just says to help your company in this tough time. If anyone is to blame I don't think it should be on AIG, but instead on those who supported the bail out. Own up to the mistake that by giving a company money you are creating a system of protectionism and unfair competition. A company is still its own entity, it trades on a market, some fail while some succeed. We as investors that buy stock and invest in these companies do not say we have the right to claw back pay just because we don't like it. For that matter imagine if you were given money by someone and then that person says you can't do certain things with it. That person should sound familiar, its called your parent. When did government become so much involved in business. I thought their focus in on the citizens of the country. So I get angry when the politician and people, start jumping on the bandwagon by slamming AIG. You see the reason they say they are disappointed by what AIG did or by going on a talk show, is saying something. They screwed up. AIG had the right to, it may not be what I like to see, but they have the right to. As leaders of this country I expected them to have better foresight. Come on, who started all this and what do you expect. None had the balls to say make a change and stand up to the masses. We can all say let's change, but often fail to execute that believe. Unless we decided to be anti-capitalist, we have to let the market be free. Otherwise we are not very different from the country that we criticized in the past, except now we are just less prosperous and more bitter about our circumstances. The impact of the stimulus package and other things to help stimulate the economy are fill with some good and also some very dangerous pitfall for the future. In the short term there are some hype that will fill the media, just like our believe that change will happen (well dude things always change), but the impact on US's global competitive position is slowly getting banged up to a pulp. This is a major issue and the one change that is happending right now is a global shift. Watch for inflation, reduction in wealth, hyper dollar fluctuation, constant contraction of the market, and a prolong downturn in the economy.

One other thing, I find it funny that just a week after Mr. C ask Mr. O to be more positive about the economy, that now we are all the sudden hearing good things. Did something happened in one week that I missed? Read between the lines and then maybe you can see what the truth is.

So much complaining and not enough solutions. So here are my citizen micro-stimulus plan. I will post more when I can connect more dots.

1) Go buy something for yourself. But don't pay anything unless it is 50% or more off.
2) Don't buy a home unless it is at pre 2002 level or more.
3) Don't listen to you realtor or your broker.
4) Don't just read from one media source. There are a lot of bias and trash journalism.
5) Give money to an education institution but either you or you pay for someone to attend the class that they offer.
6) Be angry. But realize that in 10 years all this will be a memory and I would wonder why I wrote this so early in the morning.

Not FDR, but FEAR

2009-02-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

I have some time during work. I thought I blast some thoughts and opinions on what absurd comments I saw this week. The first one that come to my mind was the inspirational speech by Mr. O. Without a doubt he knows how to speak to people and uses word of inspiration. But my gripe about all of his speech and what he choose as his weapon to combat the issue of the nation, makes me wonder if the guy lives in reality. My ultimate question is this, just because someone speak of what is right (or wrong), call out the right (or wrong), does that mean what he execute is working? He made a few mistakes already and yet people continue to praise him. If the same actions were done by someone else I doubt we would give that person that much slack. But let's focus. His speech talks about being responsible and taking ownership. The problem is that many people are having a hard time in this economy are the responsible ones who pays their bill on time and tried to be the responsible citizen. Now what about speak to the irresponsible people? Well by telling them now that they should be responsible, would that cause them to suddenly change their behavior, unless they are in the hole already. So bottom line, we all know people needs to be responsible, but as a leader your job is produce results not try to point out the problems that we already know.

So from my evaluation of the guy's behavior since I had a chance to better analyze him, brings up some things that concerns me. For one I do believe he is smart, he is very stubborn or strong headed about things, and as well as eloquent which with those combinations makes him a bit concerning for me. He does not like being wrong even though he comes off as wanting to be the open and acceptable president. When he is wrong, he learns to disassociate himself from the situation and brings up that it is a group ownership. Look back and examine the times that he uses the word "I" in his sentences and when he uses the word "We". My opinion is that sometime as a leader you have to be lucky as well as to be some what smart. Look and examine all the CEO, presidents, leaders of the companies out there. The belief is that if you are able to stay at a position long enough, things will turn around. But in the mean time creat a constant motion in the team so that activities will suggest progress. The perception of change will eventually become reality. Like one time I heard from an executive VP at work, that it is not about what is right or wrong it is about setting the pace.

With that said I do thing some of thing is is doing is with some level of good intentions. But most people are not 100% good or 100% bad. There we should judge base on what they do and not on a constant fairy tale of what things should be.

Well one last thought. If down falls below 7000 mark, then we are heading into a depression. During that time people act a bit crazy and sometime their survival instinct bring out the worse of them.

Unorganized

2009-02-18T01:26:00.000-08:00

I wonder if I ever blog when I have good things to say or positive thoughts to flow out. The truth the matter is that I have a whole flux of emotions day by day as well as hour by hour. It is quiet strange but I can't remember the last time I was completely mindless, without cross directional thought. It seems to me I always feel the need to overlay thoughhts with additional thoughts and those thoughts are cross referenced with other thoughts. All are related in minor ways, while other do not at first, but eventually do. With that said, I guess this couple of days been a bit unorganized for me. I guess that would be my theme for this blog. In case it was not obvious already. When I have this moment of unorganize ramped thought I know that something is troubling me or that my intuition is telling me that something is about to happen. It is a no brainer I guess that this year is about change, but then I not sure if I completely understand it yet, emotionally that is. So from what I know this moment, I know that the economy is looking to be in bad shape and my worse feeling may be coming to reality. I blogged a few months back about how the market will reach the mid 7K mark and that the O factor to the market. Emotionally I hope that I was wrong and that the hope for change can spark something. Logically, that just does not seems to make any senses and also indicated a real danger to be over optimitic and rely on hope. Now what we are getting into is the damamge of the numbers or what we call the economy of the world, but what is more concerning for me now is that we are approaching close to the emotional damage of people's psychy. Those two factors make it very difficult to navigate especially it does take a lot of coordination of the government, the people and other organization, which surprised me that Bill C made the right observation aboutt. Well the next few weeks are very important time for everyone, not sure if people know it, but that defines the rythem of the economy for the next 2 years.

Along with that thought, I feel that it is tough to stand out and be different or not adher to the majority. At work I've been right about the things that need to be done or undone. Yet in doing so I've offended a few people. It seems like somehow the past couple of days, I had to be correcting mistake of other people. Usually when you do that, even though you are right, you end up making enemies, which makes it so wrong. That goes the same thing with what I feel about other things, such as big O, social systems, relationships, friends, and all other things. I obtain feeling and thought where sometime I wish I am wrong about, because sometime it is just easier if you do not know. That way you can at least be wrong together, where as the opposite, it is hard to be right and to have to prove it as well as stick to what you believe is correct. By no means do I think I know everything. I just feel that these days it seems like being right actually make me feel so wrong. It seems like fighting been my theme for 2009 so far. Maybe the horn is getting stick to things that usually it does not get stuck to. Whatever it is, confrontation sucks.

MLK

2009-01-19T22:57:00.001-08:00

Today is MLK day. So I write on what catches my ADD mind. Two quotes(phrases) come to mind.

1) Not to be judged on the content of their skin but by the content of their character.
2) Are we human or are we dancers?

To really not make any point nor do I have an idea where this entry is leading to. I find that these two phrase are what often over look by people. We are a nation very into the issue of race and color. But I think we lack in understand the content of people's character. It seems odd to me that as intellectual people of this nation we still continue to dwell on the topic of race. If you look at other nations, the difference in color is apparent and very much so overlooked or even just not a topic. But instead recognize that obvious difference, but conentrate more on the topic of the character of that human being. I will admit that I don't like to talk about the issue of race because in my opinion I think the more we talk about it the more we let it be an issue. If the ultimate goal is to look at the character of that person, shouldn't we start looking at that? Is it not what the purpose of all of this?

As for number two. It ties together with the first thought. How much are we really thinking versus just letting other people tell us how we should think and act. I was once told that most people don't want to think for themselves even though they say they do. But instead most people want to be told how things are and just follow the directions that are given. If I were to look at the numerous industries, major news, and shocking discoveries of the past decade, they were all very much just things that should of happened. The funny things is that when this misconception, the illusion dissipates, people get angry. Question arise as to why things changed? How come it dropped? Where is my help? It is up to you, the misinformed to figure it out. We are for sure often the by product of society but then we choose to be fallen to victim being led by the few. If you really start examining where do we get our information about the world around us, you would realize that majority of us get what we know from about a hand full or maybe two hand full of resources. Some of these resources may over lap with the same root source or just report on the same thing. So basically we probably get the myopic view from one or two sources. Yet conventional wisdom and history tells us that itself has inherit danger. I think it is easier to be dancers than human.

So imagine if we were human and start looking at the content of the person's character, then maybe things would be different, things would change. It brings clarity to the stuff around you. You seem clairvoyant because somehow you can tell how people would react or how events unfold. Then maybe we become less stressed on how things is going to happen, but instead concentrate on how things can be better. Doesn't that sound very familiar? Maybe the root of any innovation(changes, advancements, ideas, progress) starts from that baseline.

New year la la la......

2009-01-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

So 15 days of 2009 already passed and I wonder what the next couple hundred days will be. I guess I can wonder all I want or even just wait for it to come to me. The real important thing I think for this year is about believing in taking a leap and hopes for the best. It may be a little chaotic or even irresponsible in some eyes, but I think this year is about exploring the possibilities that what it may become and less on what can be lost. Now the tricky thing is the question of what are those leaps to be taking and learning to embrace the idea of controlled chaos.

So this first couple of days in 2009, I attempted to actually create value at work or at least trying to make it look as if I am delivering something productive at my job. I figure that if I were to get laid-off then at least I should make them miss me. I guess I may of over did it, since I've been pretty busy ever since I started 2009. Well with this economy I can use a job. But will see if I can say the same thing in a next couple of months or so.

Then this year also bring another thought that been linger inside of me. I think age is finally become of a issue for me. Playing basketball with less leaps, getting tired after 12, seeing most of my friends either married or having babies, hair stop growing as fast as before, and the time it takes for me to recover overall just takes a little bit longer than usual. At the very beginning of 2009 I felt a sinking kind of feeling when I look at the signals that age brings. But after I looked at it a bit longer, I figure it just means I need to go to the gym more, I need to care a little less about how fast I make it a turnaround, but more on how much I can do it for myself. I see that one of the beauty of age is that you start worry about less things and learn to worry about the essentials for that time being. Then you realize that you let the world play by your rhythm instead of you chasing the world. Regardless, I want to get my ankle healed so I can play like I did before. I want to lift weights so I can gain back the strength, and I want to be more scared about take the risk that I thought I couldn't take.

Things that were done so far:
Increase activities at work.
Update a resume that I would could actually use.
Setup search for jobs oversea.
Clean up some more loose ends.
Took the chance to visit my past and heritage.

As far as the best buys in 2008 and 2009.
Getting a good suitcase when you are on the go.
Buying a laptop so you can blog and capture brain dumps.
Glove liners, because when it gets cold they are a treasure.
Isotoner slippers when you have to walk on cold and nasty floors.
Good backpack to explore your destination.
A soft t-shirt so that you feel comfortable.
Plan tickets so you build the memories in your head.

12/30/2008 - From East to West

2008-12-31T13:46:00.000-08:00

I made it back from Shanghai last night and finally got a chance to write down my reflections. I probably could of written on the plane since the memory was fresher to me back then. But I had to force myself to sleep so I can adjust my body clock back to the way it was. Upon my return back, I realize that I am very glad that I took this trip to Shanghai. Many things happen that I didn't get a chance to log, but I hope I remember them forever. There are some things that are worth to mention though. The last day before my return home, I had lunch with my step-dad at an international buffet his friend manages. Apparently it is pretty famous among China major cities and I could easily see why. This was not your ordinary buffet. It had all sorts of food with its focus on seafood from all the major countries that we identify with. They were well prepared with the fresh ingredients and above average flavoring that you would not expect from a buffet. Some of the example dishes included fresh cut sushi, shark fin soup, giant king crab from coast of Japan, assortment of Indian dish, an extensive dessert bar, and much more. The staff for the place was about 300 people according to the head captain. That was one meal worth remembering and of course our 3 hours lunch-to-dinner may broke the buffet sitting record. Latter that day, my dad and his friend insisted on taking me to a spa that they claim to be an experience worth having while in China. I was not sure what to expect, but apparently this is pretty prevalent across Asia and of course China has its own rendition. The spa offers many a la cart spa services and the bracelet you wear help you track which you purchase. You pay an entrance fee that includes the right to eat at the all you can eat buffet. Instead I started by going to get a table massage and a salt scrub that exfoliated my skin. They kept the salt on my skin and ask me to go to a toaster like heater that dries the salt onto the skin. Essentially the residue from the salt scrub is on your skin for about 5 minutes and then they ask me to rinse off the salt with a warm shower. Afterwards, they instructed me to sit in the hot tub that surprised me with fish swimming in them. Apparently the idea is that the fish would eat off the bad skin or any residue and by doing so would improve your skin. I've heard this before but never experience it until now. It tickles and extremely relaxing at the same time. Amazing how the fish can stay in a hot spa for so long. That was just the introduction. Then we had to leave the spa because they also offered a show that you have the option to attend. I must say the show was really good as well. The have performances that were equivalent to cirque du soleil and singer that were way above your typical stage singers. They packed the two hours show with none stop acts that you would have to pay well over $100 for here in the states. After the show, we went up to the next floor where they offer massage and a sleep room where you have the option to rest overnight with you own TV and butler upon request. Food can be order anytime. I decided to get another massage that lasted 90 minutes. Rested on my personal couch, watch a little TV, while I wait for my dad to complete his treatment or using fire bottles. We didn't stay overnight since I have a plane to catch the next morning, but I left that evening extremely relaxed and wondering why we don't have one at the states.

One of the last memorable moments before I left Shanghai was right before I arrive at the airport. My dad decided to accompany me to the airport and he decides to buy me a bag of tiny orange that were about the size of three grapes. They were extremely sweet and he peeled it for me before when I went to his house. He liked them and he figure I would need the oranges for the long plane ride back. Actually that touched me greatly, because as I mentioned before he is not a wealthy man and he struggles month to month I'm sure. I offered each time to pay for things and yet he refused even though he knew that I have enough to take care of all that is need for him and I. I know about his string of bad luck with the restaurant business and of course other financial troubles that he got himself into. Aside from all those shortcomings that he needed to deal with, during this trip he paid for the 3 hour massage at his place, the drivers that took me to places, the fabulous buffet lunch, bought me a wallet, gave me a note book, treated me to the most amazing spa experience, and made the time to stop by the market to buy me this bag of oranges that he knew I liked. I had a lump in my throat when he gave the oranges to me. He did something that I usually don't expect from a man let along an Asian man. He peeled the oranges for me the other day while I was at his place. That says a lot since in Asia being the most male dominant society you can find. To have him do what he did showed tremendous amount of love and set aside the status quo that often many people would not do. He did not have much, but while I was there he gave what he could. I had never found fruit to be that precious before. Sadly I had to eat them all before I got back to the states, but I wished I would of brought them back with me.

To look back, I think the most rewarding and blessing thing about this trip was the time I spent with my step-dad. To be honest I didn't really know what I would expect before this trip began. I was concerned I would be somehow be sad or disappointed. But instead I left Shanghai moved and fortunate to be able to do what I did and be able to spend time the holidays with him. Life brings you unexpected moments that sometime accompany with heart ache and if you are lucky sometime life give you oranges.

11/28/2008 - Chinese Mcdonald's

2008-12-31T00:59:00.000-08:00

It is raining here this morning. I just step into a resting stop area to avoid the rain and hopefully get dry before I head out again. Despite the rainfall the people's square is packed with people. Hard to imagine there is any downturn in global economy if you were here right now. But this cafe I just got to is ingenious. It is a fast food joint for all the common dishes of the Asian decent. I just tried a cup of corn milk drink. Not sure if I like it or not, but the other stuff are things that I would ordinarily crave for but I have to sit down for an hour to eat. Things such as the different deserts that you would may get after a banquet meal, there were hearty dishes like the glazed beef over rice, and the wonderful assortment of noodle soups when the weather is cold like today. The states can use something like this. Pretty this is like a McDonald's of China. Dfjb.com.cn is their website for future reference of locations. The shrimp noodle gravy looks so good, but I have to meet my dad for Japanese food in about an hour.

12/27/2008 - 2 days of reflection

2008-12-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

Finally got a chance to write after my flight to Shanghai. Current location is on a train ride from Shanghai South train station to Hangzhou. So since I've landed it has been a none-stop 2 days. It is filled will many different emotion. Some are preconception of what coming to this place is like and also the thought of finally meeting my dad after 10 plus years later. To know what to comment is difficult since I wish I started to type my thought when I had them. It is funny how emotionally energized I get at that moment in time and then I the thought would escape me a few hours later. But I will try to reflect on what has happen so far. To begin, my step-dad picked me up from the airport. We didn't find each other until 40 minutes after I clear custom. Apparently a whole village of Chinese people were waiting outside holding signs and have the eyes starring at each person coming through the door. It is funny how everyone looks the same. Plus I did not recognize him right away since it has been so long since I've seen him and nor he recognize me for obvious reasons. Finally I found him because he apparently like to standout from everyone else by wearing a brown leather jacket. At first sight, I was amazed and shocking how a person ages after so many years. Before he illustrated confidence and a sense of know how when I am around him. Now I can see that the passing of time reflected on his physical appearance. His past struggles showed in his hunched over stature, the growing wrinkles on his face, and the bags below his sagging eyes. To be honest and a bit morbid, I was glad that I got to see him because I can literally see the dying of a man. Since there is no way of putting it so that I can avoid being disrespectful I should just say that the man is this way because he spent nights of staying up playing Mah Jong or poker, hustle to make a living in the restaurant business and his continuous desire to be a friend to everyone are the catalyst that took a chunk of life away from him. But that same fault can in a way be a person's valor. One thing that never changed is my step dad's ability to make friends with everyone wherever he goes. But I can tell from the hustle of Shanghai, he's become less friendly. Nevertheless, he seems to know more friends than you can fill an entire Rolodex. He always surrounded himself with people and the time that I spent with his showed me his popularity is mainly due to his innocent belief in brotherhood and friendship. That innocence has hurt his as well. I just hope that he learn from history that a friend is not too far away from an enemy. The difference is that when life throws you a rotten egg, they are there to help you wipe your face.

I can't help but to feel sorry for him. Because I feel that the people who I care about should always deserve a better life. I feel it is foremost their responsibility to maximize their potential and second my desire that they deserve to get more of what they have now. Then on the other hand, everyone needs to make their own story of their life and who am I to judge. So far the time that I spend with him I can tell he continue to manage his daily chaotic life while still present himself to me as the man (dad) that he once was. Life is not easy for him, but like a father he present the best of him to me while I am here. For that I am grateful and honor for him to given me what he has and more so I feel lucky just to be able to see him. Aside from that, I hope he understands that by me coming over to visit him was just a reminder to him that the world is not that alone and tough. Sometime maybe we don't get everything we wanted, but sometime what we got was what we are supposed to work with. Well there are many more things that can be comment on this. One thing I wish that could of happened is for E to visit his dad. I already know the sense of resentment and anger that's in him, but at some point he needs to make peace with it. We all get our share of unfairness, even those people who done the deed to us that we still have the scares for also at one point got their share. Maybe life is about putting away things than to always look to take things from life.

So here are my comments about Shanghai, China so far since I've been here for the past 48 hours. I have this analogy. I see this place as young man that still needs to find its identity. He accomplished a great deal, learned a lot from different people, and yet try to hold on to it roots. This "fusion effect" that people are seeing is really a residue of trying to seek to a better future while have the knowledge it will need to maintain its history. In doing so conflict occurs between the east and the west from the north to the south. Other countries are critical of the booming nation. From my observation of other people, such hostility is also brewing between the Chinese and other Asians. One common things that I hear people who been to China claim its people are uncivilized. Well they can be right or they can look at once they were views as uncivilized when their forefathers came to seek a better future and to a claim a part of the new found land. With that said, I had more than once said to myself that people are so rude. I am a byproduct of how I am raised by my mom and my environment. A person can struggle for years to shave away their old habits, lets imagine how to do that with a few billion people. This place right now reminds me a lot of Japan of the old. It is learning a balancing act. While prosperous for the past decade, it will encounter its roadblocks. It also has its critics expecting an expedience transformation with their bias opinion of how China should do it. With that said, everyone will continue to have their opinion about China. You love it or you hate it. But I think don't expect to have that same opinion 5 years later. The one thing that this place has going for itself is the uncertainty in what the change will led them to.

A quick comment on other things I saw. Actually these are thoughts more than facts. I am done with shaw long bao. Both days I had the local bun as a part of my daily meal. It is good, but its heaviness just too much for me. The texture of the skin is what makes it so tasty. Food here is relatively cheap it you eat local food. On the other hand, nothing is missed here as all the western products and services got imported to this place. I went to a wine bar on my first night and I felt like I was in NY or SF. They had all sorts of martini and even some that I have never heard before. It is very NY, but yet added other additions to the menu and decor. Imagine the fusion pagoda design with the western vibe. The only difference is that the table next to us was a couple making out will full on tongue action. Something like that you would not see in a lounge. Of course aside from food and drink, a person need to experience some further pampering. Last night my dad offered to pay for a massage that last for 3 whole hours. It was a Chinese massage where they apply heavy pressure on your entire body. My god that was amazing. Super cheap since I didn't have to pay for it. But from what I understand the amount is 1/3 of what the tourist would pay. I got done by 2:30 AM while my dad and his friend played poker in the other room. I felt super relaxed afterward. Half asleep, my dad called me a cab that drove back to my hotel and needless to say, I had a good night sleep last night. Only in China can this happen.

Finally I am getting to what I am doing now. I got up at 7:30 this morning and making my one and a half hour train ride. So far my train ride has gone through the countryside. It's vast amount of farmland, bicycles, trucks, and cell phones. I just saw a farmer working in the rice field while talking on his phone that probably has more interactive feature than my cell phone back home.

****

Right now awaiting my train back to Shanghai. I decided to take a break and make some time for dinner here in Hangzhou. First time ever I had to write in a restaurant while waiting for my dinner to arrive. The chef use to work at the Marriott, maybe he thinks I am a food critic. My god I amuse myself. Anyways, this afternoon's experience as it turns out left me with mix feeling about this place and my previous view about how much China has changed over the years. Needless to say when I first got to my destination I was a little fluster of all the activities within the train station. Countless vendors will offer you every possible gimmick and deals to make your trip to the West Lake that much more special. I probably took a good 15 minutes to get myself situated and get my mind to understand where am I or what my plan of action is. I notice here you have to plan before you venture out to your intended destination. Because every turn bring you to another location that just so much alike the one you just passed 10 minutes ago. Of course everyone look the same. Well I digress a little. I finally found out that I had to get on the K7 train. Obviously, me looking like a tourist (plus carrying a tourist book does not help) I attracted more attention then I would like. Well one old lady approached me and told me the train to get on and also advised that I get the exact change. She offered the location to get change and also some suggestion on the location to stop at. The reason is because West Lake is huge. The nice old lady asked about me and shared a little bit of who she is. She advised where to look and finally offered the best place to stop first as well as which connection (K27) to take to my final destination. I went along with it since what can a nice old lady do right? Did I mention she had a kicking breath that needed a whole pack of "Tick Taks". A way to improve a country's tourist industry, make sure your countrymen have fresh breath. Through our trip she suggested a stop and then suggest another stop. Her killer breathe distracted my attention to understand which stop she meant. Finally she said she will get off at the same destination and then guided me to get on K27. She did not get on, but she did left saying where she recommended me to get the best tea. As I ride this connection it would take me to the other side of the lake. It showcased some beautiful farmlands. Imagine a Napa valley like place but just with tea and then step back to the old Chinese movies where they have tea huts build in front of the rice fields. Every few kilometers the bus ride took you to another farm with its own tea house and unique decoration to entice the visitor to come in. As I sat on K27, another old lady approached me and asked where I was planning on going. I shared my destination and she said she would also stop by there as she makes her way home. I am getting suspicious, but the beauty of the land sold me and I let her give me some facts as I rode this bus through the mountains. It is truly beautiful. Upon arriving at my destination she started walking with me. I continue to enjoy and try to capture every frame of what I am seeing right then and there. We walk further up the hill and I started to notice the trend. Every person or couple that got off the bus had a helpful old lady chatting with them. The also had that dumb struck look on their face as probably I did too. So I knew I have to pull the plug soon and plus she is starting to lead me further down the ally along with other stray dogs that got off the bus. So people came up down the hill with bags of tea and I knew if I go any further I would be buying tea for people who don't even like tea. Well I said my goodbyes and turn the other way. Needless to say, she followed behind yelling at things that I had no idea what she was saying. As I trek my way back to the bus stop I saw the nice old lady that first helped me. She even greeted me with a surprise how come I was here too. Man, I can't believe she can still hold that sweet smile. Well I got on the bus and in the rear of the bus K27 is the second lady that I escaped. Man they got a system working for them and I saw many people leading down further to the road and many people on the return bus with bags of tea. I was mad at first, and then I find the entire experience rather amusing also in a way sort of sad for the ladies that have to do this. Life must be tough to keep up with the Wongs around here. You have to use tactic to draw people up the mountain because everyone below the mountain is booming with new buildings and fashionable clothes. I think China prosperity is also it own Achilles heel. I think Asian in general has a very focus sense of getting what they set out to do. At time they do get tunnel vision and their own stubbornness make them very inflexible in adopting to change and of course the opportunities that arise with things are different. But when it come to money, the have laser like focus and tenacity. I think they abandon their own morals in order to grab the dream that they seek. It is probably hard for me to understand, but my dad tried to explain this to me. He said that some of the people are so poor their entire life were raised without ever being able to be fulfill. That lack of basic fulfillment of life's most simple necessities leaves you empty. Our basic needs in our civilized culture are unimaginable luxury items to many people in China until now. But my experience with Hangzhou and its people makes me wonder that such harsh life also makes it very difficult to associate in a society where our protocol is completely different. Hangzhou is filled will many amazing history and many fantastic stories were written about this place. Writers came here to be inspired by the plush green mountains and the grand lake that is centered reference point for this town. They said during the spring, there is a type of flower that will blooms which created a scent that is unnanimously make this place mystical and amazing. No wonder Marco Polo once called this place the most beautiful place he ever seen. But now this place is polluted with 20th century architecture. People are caught in getting to claim their wealth that they probably felt they missed in the past. They are looking to go somewhere. In the mist of going somewhere I am experiencing people who bump into you and do not care to apologize, people who compromise a person's integrity in order to make a buck, and the annoying cutting in line without giving it a second thought. All of this and many more made me understand the reason why there will always be the concept of class. No matter how you want to be politically correct, but it seems to me that you can be rich and take a person out of the country, but it is harder to take the country out of the person. China is a country that went through a dynasty much like it did in the past. It's history shows you that a dynasty rules over another, political party reign while another fall, the poor ran out the elite, the communist rise and then fall. Now communist fall, the poor rise, and the capitalism flourish, it is a bit chaotic in my opinion. In the midst of this change a person can become a rich jackass or a rich senex.

12/24/2008 - to China

2008-12-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

So my trip to shanghai began with getting business class on seat 11G. This will be my first Christmas away from by mom and brothers since I was about 7 years old. I hope they have a great holiday while I am away. I got to admit that it is a bit strange and I will miss them during these 5 days. This is a change or in way a certain metamorphism of my relationship with my family. This trip may be a start of the changes to come and just a symbol of what will not be the same. Whether that is a positive change or a negative change is uncertain, but if I've learned anything from the past is that it is inevitable. One aspect of this trip is different than the usual would be me meeting my step-dad since he moved to Asia. It is well over 10 years since the last time I saw him. It will be strange because most of my memories are when I was a kid and my perception of him is just but a bunch of past memories. I think about this trip and I realize that it sets up certain disappointments given that one's memories can but disappointment since you can never go back to the past or what it was before. Often what disappoint people are the nostalgia and almost always the attempt to compare the past with the present that lead to sadness. So this led to me to try to prepare myself for it. I have to make a little less of what this is about and not read too much into everything. But that uncertainty also signal me to expect the unexpected and everything should be fine. Maybe that is a little naïve or lack the awareness to be prepared a bit emotionally irresponsible, but isn't it what hope is? Isn't that "Hope" that we as a nation used as a premise to elected our next president? Maybe the current unknown of things are what lead to surprises, disappointments and often a new direction. Whatever it is and however it comes, what is most important for now is that I enjoy getting fat sitting on a 12 hr flight.

Thoughts

2008-12-16T22:33:00.000-08:00

A part of being human is that you are required to be aspired to greater things. But being aspired to greater things does not mean you reach all great things. Being aspired to new things may require making the tough choices in life. Sometime that leads to mistakes and sometime it just means that aspiration led to different things. Life makes things tough and my life seems programmed to force me to learn to swing with the unknown.

Nostalgia is bitter sweet. This season, the past years, and the year to come brings nostalgia. It bring moments of bad memories that are sometime left unanswered. Then when look a little deeper, some of those past memories also brought different experiences and new memories. I am not saying that I have the answers for everything or anything at all. All I know is that things happen in life and all I know at this moment is to hopefully live through it with a little bit more aspiration.

I don't pray very often. But I pray that all the people in my life get aspired in the coming year and to get all the great things that they are seeking.

2 B not Thankful this holiday

2008-11-27T22:02:00.000-08:00

For the Thanksgiving holiday I decided to drive down LA for the long weekend. It is funny how much I think when I have 5+ hours of staring at the rear lights of cars. But I am typing this on my laptop as I am making my second drive to Vegas. Yes this few days I would of traveled over 600+ miles. But then again it is during these times that a few things that comes to mind of this wanderer.

First thought: A life friendship detoured. This week I heard details of D's friendship with T went ultimately unpleasant for the both people. It is rather sad I think and in so many ways it is unfair. But yet it is also just a part of life that brings the unpredictable to everyone of us. Since this is the holiday season, I am reminded that it is those unpredictable things in life are what we should be thankful for. Life is about remembering the memories that are good and as well as those that were the bad. I think friends is a gift and a long lasting friendship is a gem. Often time the difficult things that plague a beautiful friendship is often the same thing that turn any relationships astray. For instance, D and T been friends for a long time. Long enough that an infant can become a teenage. In very much the same way, the morphisms of life also makes it difficult for friendship to continue or just sustain. People come into a person's life and it change who s/he is and how s/he treats other people. The most difficult part is knowing what to do about that nature's formula. Whether the change that just happened is permanent or not, does not matter. The thing is that we changed once it enters our life. So many times we are so resistant to change. The change that happens in our friends' life, in our life and in family's life. I think majority of the time, people can say and probably diagnosis how much the other person has changed and can come up with a reason or even a highly logical solution. But the most difficult part and often overlooked is the change with one's self that took place or that needed to take place. As a child we tend to look at things as one. Understand that the origin and then learn to use our developed deductive reasoning to trace to the end. I am not sure if life is just that simple? The complexity and also the beauty of life is that it is a cumulative of many things and never ever just one. That is how life works and maybe why very often it defy our logic. This is an alchemist's dream. Life's DNA structure requires all the x and y factors to make it work. That is why it is so difficult to understand life sometimes and for some people may just declare it a mystery. Because life changes so often, maybe we shouldn't weight too much on the changes that come with friendship, but instead embrace that it is different and learn to navigate it. In the famous word of fashion designer Tim Gunn, "Make it Work".

Second thought: Letting go is sometime so hard to do. I can think of how this applies to so many things. I think we constantly, or even just can't resist but to look back how things was. Somehow we may use the past to build the case that this is how it should be for the future. But in reality how reasonable is that? When is it time to let go? I see that in my mom and her
relationship with her children. Every time I go back home I feel like I'm going back in time to my childhood days. Sometime the letting go is not just needed for her, but for me as well. Childhood memories are sometimes hard to erase, difficult to deal with and maybe sometime I just try to do the best with what I got so far. I believe that all family has it share of sadness and as well as happiness. But what still puzzle me til this day is my inability to not being able put things behind me. I am handicapped or inapt in that matter. All logic says that the past is the past and the future is determine by what you start doing today. Yet what if when I return I get reminded of the past. Maybe that is why I tend to get the sense of being lost when I am back at home. I see this not so much as my family burden but my own, because at what point do I let go or at what point can it not be a reason. Could it be that all this time I thought that the emotional high maintenance that I was experiencing is actually slowly transferring to me? No doubt it is a bit scary to think that all these years there are still unresolved issues. I am bipolar in the sense that when I am home I get that sudden comfort that I couldn't get anywhere else except being back in what I once know. Then there is the other side. I am sadden to see that I still struggle with many things even though I have in the past been able to having things distract me. As I forecast, I do know that I have another hurdle to leap in the coming months, then we will see how that may bring things back in peace. I know that I can resolve things as a resolution requires more than one person. I do know what need to be done by me, but it is a matter of getting to that medium of making it work for myself spiritually. The next stage should be interesting, as I know that it is approaching. To think of it, would anybody who really know me expect me to do it any other way? To quote Dr. Chopra:

Option 1) Suffering is an Opportunity to happiness. Sharing your joy. Live in the present moment.
Option 2) Suffering is not necessary if you reach happiness first. By reaching your consciousness and enlightenment.

Hmmmm....I wonder which one am I choosing right now?

Mad Market

2008-11-24T12:18:00.001-08:00

Dam I can't believe I missed the jump. I thought the bounce was coming, but didn't anticipate that people would react that quickly, especially over the government giving away more money for a failing bank and for Obama doing nothing except to nominate people for positions. If that is the case then these people that he nominated must have more control over the economy than the rest of the billions of people in this world.

This just mean that people are looking for good news and reason to put money back into stocks. Yes some say the market is a 6 month forward indicator or the economy. But that still does not make sense since almost everyone is saying this mess MAYBE over in a year or so. Although no material evidence that signal an improvement in economy, the stock market thinks so nevertheless. That is why I think that the stock market is unfair for the regular traders. There is manipulation there, just that nobody willing to look at it since it brings many people down to equal level. If we were to give equal playing field, then wealth creation gets that much harder for those banks. In my opinion the banks don't get screwed even though it fail. People that worked there makes more money than they should does not get effected by this. But for some reason, the government thinks bailing out one bank equate to saving the economy. Well the last time I checked, there were other banks out there. At one point, Citibank was a small bank. Then why are they getting preferential treatment now as compare to the Lehman or the thrifts that failed? Us, normal citizen will never really knows. But if you look at the background of Obama's economic team then you would see why many of the larger banks may get bailed out or be in favored in the coming future.

With this push up in market over the last two days has led me to believe that a lot of speculation is being put into the market. As such speculation that we say for oil and gas, I got to think that some more volatility is ahead of us. I still believe that the norm should be below 8000 until June. We will see what will happen, since most people would find me crazy for making such predictions. But dam, all that money that I missed out. Especially say bye to that TV and computer that I wanted. Well life can be worse.

Moonlight Profession

2008-11-19T18:26:00.000-08:00

Two things comes to mind as I sit here at my desk not doing much except to stare at the computer screen and continue to look at my watch to see if it is 5 yet. When I am bored I get very uneasy about things and yet also I find it entertaining that currently I am excited most about is playing basketball today. Like I said before, when a man understand the value of simple things, then he himself just increased his net worth by that one percent.

Stock Market - well it closed below 8000 today. Sometime I hate to be right, because this is also hurting my portfolio tremendously. But the fact is that you can't mess with the economic inertia. I often have to stand aside and look at things objectively. Often times that conflicts with my personal emotional ties, the majority view, and often times leads to tension between the other person. So when I do take the time to be objective I come to conflict with another person. In sociology it is said that people tend not to like people who disagree with them. They tend to feel like it is a good conversation when they do all the talking and you agree. But this condition is just human behavior and having confrontation is my other behavior, I guess that goes with the territory. But I digress. The market is heading lower, but how low to be honest I don't know. If you look at the overall all economy, I think we will see it slide down until 2013. But that does not mean the stock market will slide the same way. Since I don't know how far it will slide yet (the market), then I would say I think I've identify the resting points (or often termed as the entry points) to have opportunity to buy. I think when we see the Dow at 7600 then it is time to accumulate some stocks again. Again some stocks. I think we will see a temporary rally in January through March. Then a drop in May to July of 2009. So with that vague remark, I think opportunity to buy will come after Thanksgiving, ride the Obama hope wave, slide with the reality by selling, and then looks for more entry points. But I think the bottom line is that the capital model that the US been using and in many ways other country have model themselves are failing. I think a new model will emerge with many of its similarity from the old model, but less on the emphasis of wealth generation through debt. Also during the 2013 or 214 new industry will emerge as leaders which should in many ways leads to a good period of real growth. So from the opinion and brain dump of this wannabe trader, futurist, columnist and meteorologist, I say: Put on your rain coats because it will be raining daggers. Don't try to catch the daggers, but there are possible chance of area for good profits when the cloud pass through. Assure we are still in a storm, but as always there is green sunny days ahead.

My Rights - so who gets to says those two words? I feel that people often use those words too loosely. When someone go against the masses, then he or she get ridiculed. So what about his rights to think differently. I live in the bay area, the ultra super liberal capital of the world, if not the universe. I think it has changed in many ways opposite of what made it so great in the years pass. Be liberal was allowing the other possibilities to flow. The beauty of this place was once the ability to be different and still be accepted. I think that now to be a local person in the bay area you have to be a liberal that has to follow the same thought. Believe in the same political party, vote for the same proposition, be an intellectual and read the same books, or just make sure you feel sorry for those who are less fortunate, otherwise you are evil. This is a making of a you against us mentality and I notice it growing over the years. I think when you start noticing that everyone is pretty much the same, then you got to question who's rights are we oppressing? Which voice is not being heard or even considered? I see that to allow the different was what made the liberal movement so attractive. It drew a different ways in which we do things. It brought innovation. From innovation it brought economic prosperity. From that simple idea of that everybody has rights, not that it is just about my rights, you foster growth with a society and bring evolution to humanity. So this is my right to speak and rant and so I did. I think now it is a time whether nature/god/Dali lama/mother earth/Obama/liberal/Democrat/karma is becoming the equalizer. Economic changes, climate changes, social changes, and much other changes are in the works. So we will not like some of these changes very much and others we will. Bottom line is that we are just pieces of this puzzle, don't make your right (you) more than what it really is worth. Respect yourself, but respect others as well.

8 is not a lucky number

2008-11-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

Went to the market today and at the main intersection were both sides of proposition 8. You can see this issue is close to every one's heart. I think it is a tough proposition to be say whether you support it or not. On the very first instinct you think it would that if anything to do with a person's right to do something, then we should back that right. On the other hand what about the right of the others who wants to keep marriage as between a man and a woman. I would be lying if I said I am dead set on which side. I have a dear aunt that I care about who is a lesbian and yet I have also my Christian up bring. Yet also I have my overall just notice of the world around me. I guess it is one of those topic really no one win. Ever since this proposition I had reason to support and then to go against proposition 8. Today I have one that I figure I put in writing. If I was a parent and if I were to talk to my kid about sex and the birds and the bees, then what would I say as to when s/he should have sex. Obviously I can say only to have sex after marriage. But I think I will strongly say s/he should only have a baby when s/he is married. So in that sense, I wonder if that is a part of other things that marriage serve to this society. Lets just stop thinking about the 'self' for one second and then pause to ask what does marriage do for a society? What was its purpose and what was the original intent. If the argument is to say well I would encourage the kid to not think about having kids, then that would be absurd. Then when two people love to one another should it always lead to marriage? That question and the follow up questions is what makes this such a tough question. The conservative in me tells me that marriage was an idea between a woman and a man. When the gay/lesbian kid was born s/he identified marriage as a man and a woman. Otherwise s/he would not exist. Yet what about the rights of a human to pursue the desire to be with someone with full commitment by contractual commitment in the court of law. I am go back and forth. So I often wonder in the purpose of the law and the fairness for everyone, what if we just name same sex union with the desire to commit themselves in the court of law as something else? Give it another name. After that build things around it. We have law for different countries, we have law for different states, why not for this? Well this blog if anyone read it will upset the reader. But this is just my opinion or more or less my observation. I think I often don't stand on just one side, but to see that not one side or one belief can work in this world. If nothing else I learn from my travels, is that the most beautiful thing in this world is the miracle of having rigidness and also freewill exist in one small planet.

TV Guide

2008-11-01T00:13:00.001-07:00

Observation for today:

Frank TV - a show where the main comedian does all sorts of impersonation of famous people. One of his most notorious character is president Bush. As a new season starts he faces with a tough decision illustrating the change coming in political climate both in Washington and in the main streets of America.

Obviously and as the polls suggest, Obama will most likely become the next president. In many ways that signifies many accomplishments from the changes in the past and will also introduce the changes that will occur in America in the future. Whether that change is favorable or not we will see and it will be recorded. Now it raises an interesting situation. For instance should Frank TV continue to make fun and impersonate our future president Obama? If he does choose to do so, how will people react when a white man color him self to make fun of the first black president? Now on the other hand, if he bring in another comedian such as Dave Chappelle to do the president impersonation, then it probably would avoid such drama, but yet does it raise the question whether the freedom and rights that so many American these day preach about is compromised? If we were to accept change does that go both ways? Is rights available to everyone, even those that may not be political correct at this moment in time? We all gotten move clever at using catch phrases and words to bring credit to our arguments. But let's be real, maybe we just gotten cleaver at abusing those words in the propositions, laws, and campaign that we see today. In any case, I think yes it is just a show, but it may just serve a little glimpse of what's to come. Whether spoken out loud or not, the topic will now be more highlight and be forced to be brought out. Most importantly, I think how we handle and manage the change ahead may determine whether we bring up the benefit or the most common draw back and pitfall with change. With those that advocate change, how do they assure that the transitions does not take us backward? I hope things get followed through. I have seen over and over again where people does a good job of argument for change but yet does not follow through to its completion. Regardless how this story plays out, I think we are currently living in historical time and should be glad that we get to live it versus reading it in a book. Let just say we are living history and it is indeed an exciting time.

News that shouldn't be news

2008-10-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

News heading that I notice today:

"Kids were found shooting at a teacher in a local high school"
"Kids attach janitor after the were caught vandalizing the school. Now janitors request security."
"US is tentatively suggest that they pull out of Iraq in 2011. Government in Iraq want it to be definite."
"We are seeing reverse illegal immigration going back home. This is according to an interview with an illegal alien"

These headings trouble me. I been on this earth for some time now and I've always enjoyed observing my surroundings. I think my mind tend to always just track. No very scientific or anything, but it just measure the difference between the before and after. But it seems like ever since I been out of school I've noticed that there is a continuous drive to be more liberal. In school we were taught about change and how we should embrass it. Somehow liberal represent being American, the freedom, the advancement of civil rights, or even just go as far as being more advance society. Yet as I can remember it, people and many of them liberals, continue to complain how things has gone bad and we need to improve. Yet if you really look at it, what drove all of us and especially our ancestors, it is the conservative nature that brought us to this land. The discipline, the control, and the limited chaos is what drove many of the opportunities that were offered to live the dream. Yes like freedom it self, these opportunities are not free, but it comes with a price. Often the price that we do not want to see or admit. I think what many people does not realize is that life is about stratification. I will comment on this later. But maybe now it is a time where we start saying 'No' instead of trying to keep saying 'Yes'. That 'Yes' should not be back by our lame and irresponsible use of the word protection of our freedom, advancement of our society, and the right for change as Americans. Has anyone ever stop and wonder if any of the changes are what got us here? You can continue to change but from my experience I have seen change that made things worse. I've also seen people try to cover what really needs to be done by have that 'change' to occur so that it can cover the root cause of the issue.

Chao create by idiots and we follow them

2008-10-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

It is funny how you really can tell who really knows versus those who think they know versus those who just don't know. I keep this short as I am filled with many strands of thoughts after thoughts and if I were to put all of it in this blog I would need pages after pages.

But simple observation is that we have a lot of people who we think are experts make the worse suggestion for us. They tell other people how the market will be or how they should invest. Just look at CNBC or Fox television. There are a lot of bad shows there. Entertaining yes for the investment geeks and the financial hogs that likes facts. But when you really look deeper in the shows and the web financial articles they do not know much except they report on news what we really know already or bring in facts that we don't know but appears that they are the experts. When they save it is the government, then we say it is the government. When we say it is the hedge fund, then we say it is the hedge fund. When they say it is the speculative mortgage invests, then we say yeah, it must be that too. Bottom line, is that when things are good anything can be the cause of it and it is the same when things are bad take your pick as to why things are bad. But that is not necessary the solution. Remember things are connected but doesn't mean that they are the cause or more important that correct the cause is the solution. This is especially true in the finance world. Yes does not seem logical, but finance in a world of sales and virtual money is not logical. So it bring me up to another point is that I think the problem is that these days we have many great sales people who were mistaken to be experts just because they can talk fast and can use cleaver words. But the bottom line is that many use the same line or same discipline. If you look around many ask questions and have the reason why it was caused, but not many offer the solution. I think it comes down to someone can be very smart, even ivy league smart or just with stellar experience in their resume, but what is important is financial wisdom and the ability to have the ethics to carry out the idea that it is beyond the the noise.

So what is my prediction? Well today we went up 900 points. My prediction that this is the worse thing that it can be done for the market right now. I think it just mean we are heading for a new low and hopefully a bottom at around mid 7500. Why, well I think that the 700 billion dollar bailout is a disaster and nobody can hold someone responsible for using my tax dollar. Plus the government continue to feed the banks with further bailouts. Think about this, the government is telling the banks do something with the money and loan it. Instead what we are experiencing is that they will investment, they may decide to loan, they will continue to operate by paying their employees and as well as pay out the contract to the executive for millions of dollars. Most people by now should see that the bailout was a marketing plan to trick people to invest in the market and it was not about a plan to help those who got caught in the fall of the financial markets. So what is happening now? I think people withdrew from their accounts and need to find a place to put it. Plus the government is forcing the banks to put the money to work without asking whether if it makes sense to. I think that the bottom line is that the real bottom will not happen until the devaluation of the dollar and before that the Fed will lower the rates. Although I believe that the banks are the main cause of the this mess (not the only cause), I am unsure what needs to be done to the banks. Maybe it just about having the government own the largest two banks and get into the banking business until the liquidity issue is flowing correctly. Then they can deregulate the banks again. It is a tough call. But the banks needs to be there, but also there are a lot of crap in the banks that needs major flushing. I don't care what reason people can give, but nothing they do really deserve the amount of pardon they get from the risk that impose on the market. It seems like we know how to create compensation package, but we fail to tie that their compensation with the performance of the company or investment that they represent.

Well one last thought. To get through this market take time to listen what the idiots are talking about, but learn to use your common sense, and most of all, money is only last as long as you do.

My home my land

2008-09-23T16:05:00.000-07:00

I am concerned about the United States of America. Could it be that I am going to see the downfall of the once regarded as the best place to live in the entire world? I think when a person evaluated what constitutes a great place to live, they look at the economy, the people, and the weather. As I can remember it, United States had some of the most amazing elements that build up those three criteria.

The 80's we had our share of the hardship economically, but people continue to respect one another. The conservative idea of respect thy neighbor were still instill within one another. We had a common experience that the land was new, with the constant flow of new immigrants, growth in population and change in civil law were getting planeted. You can have kids play out in the street and there would still be that common respect for the people around you. Things were tough economically, but at least people had each other in a brotherhood kind of way. We had a sense of common benefit that we live in the number one place in this world and we better make it work. We had our conflicts and internal battles but we never lost our humanity. Even war has etiquette. As for the weather, well it was always acceptable in comparison to the rest of the world.

Now as for the 90's we finally got out of our economic slump. Wealth began to accumulate and so does the divide lines. Business boomed, people continue to flock the country, and we all felt we were worth something (sometimes maybe we think we worth more than we really do). Now this country really became the country where a person can find gold right around the street corner. If literally that was the case, then we would not have any more streets. Thank god for that. But during the 90's, it was the birth of understanding thy 'Self'. We use the idea that we needed to take care of our self and somehow it morphed into a sense of entitlement because we work hard, we made money and whatever the other reasons why the 'Self' made it. The sad thing is that people became less banded as we focus on the 'self'. We chase after that gold around the corner and we left people behind while doing it. People stop being less considerate, less neighborly, and conservative ideas begin to fade. Of course there are the conservatives still, but then the line gets drawn by the conservatives against the liberals. So that in itself fracture the brotherhood in humanity. Maybe that is why we like sports because for that duration we draw back to our humanity. With all that wealth we were prouder than ever.

Now getting back to current time. Economy is falling apart. People lack humanity. Look around how strangers interact with strangers. Examine the media on what draws people's attention. United States became less of an envy but more of a downfall of the champ. In my prior blog, I mention my thoughts why the crash of the markets were going to happen. I was hoping that the worse of it would happen during the middle of next year. But unfortunately we have people who were more concern about greed and backing up their supporters than to look at the big picture. I think our banks and the home owners will get bailed out. But don't think that is a good idea. In fact this will plant an malign cancer in the US economy. We can try to redress the bad debt that got us into this mess. What about the greed and the unethical practice of people that got us here? Our bailout is not for the people that will suffer, but to cover the people that should be responsible for the failure that we are seeing today. If the policy makers can help it, they would not want this to go public and therefore the bailout will package (just like we repackage loans) to appear that we have to save the US economy. But if you look at it, Paulson and Bernanke were wrong in the past. If you look back at their statements in the past, they were wrong. Who is to say that they are right this time? But they don't need to be right in the long run, just so that some people can have time to recover and plan their financial strategy. So the bottom line to all this. We are not the envy anymore. The value of the dollar will drop, the redistribution of wealth across the world will happen and US will loose its shine.

So what is answer to all this? Well I don't have one just yet. I have some ideas. But for the immediate response, move oversea if you can. Go find that next corner filled with gold. Otherwise, go find your humanity. But for now at least we still have the weather. Just as long as global warming don't get the best of us.

The Smart...Please stand up.

2008-09-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

The wonderful stock market that can make a hero today and can also crush that hero in a matter of few days. I've been following the market for awhile now. To be exact for 22 years. I enjoyed studies the history and all the stories that it leaves behind. For the future generations, if you ever want to read about a true soap opera, then follow the market and its history. But this time I am reading about a irony and I'm compel to have my opinion about what has happened thus far.

Over the years, I've seen companies that entered into the market with their IPOs and those that fall out of the listings that we all entrust. Riches were made, egos build on top of egos, emotions run on high octane, famous books are written about the successes, the formulation of the 'secret sauce' to make it big spread like wildfire, and the new generations copycat themselves to be like one of the superstars they read about.

Yet, have anyone every wonder the people behind such things. They are the leaders and they the people who tries to impress the leaders. These days we are seeing the large, what once thought of as the most prestigious and safe companies go belly up. These are companies that suppose to be the 'solid' ones. The ones that brings other companies to market. The one that hires the graduates from the elite schools, the one that rejected so many by putting some many gates to allow only the so call the "best". They are the one that were smart enough to know. You see them everyday. They announce their greatness and everyone follow the smell that they leave behind. They glow over cocktail on how much they add value to their company, they believe that somehow they can never be wrong and they proclaim their 'eliteness'. And why wouldn't they be, they came from the elite schools?

Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt that people that came from the elite schools are smart. But I wonder in what way are they smart. Maybe we've lost what is smart. Maybe smart is not definitive, but instead relative? I've seen impressive grades with technical skills, and I've seen eloquent speakers and I've seen those with abundance of academic regurgitation. But beyond that, what is it that makes that person add value to the company or the company around him? Maybe they need to be right. But beyond that, maybe they need to have ethics and the responsibility for the company that they are at. I see business being broken by abandoning the basic. That basic is that an entity is there to bring value to its customers and in return that customer will exchange for that value. I believe that there are flaws in many of what we refer to as sound technical instrument. Imagine just the model we created to help us forecast and plan. These are the models build by elite graduates using the black Scholes model or solver to help us be that much smarter. But are we really that much smarter? Or have you just gotten smarter at making other people look more stupid?

I've been to my share of large and small companies. I've been fortunate enough to be around very smart people and those who were very successful in their own ways (money, life, family, spiritual). The sad thing is that I think we've lost it. I mean I think we went astray to the basic and we find that the complex is somehow better. To prevent myself from going to further detail in that thought, I will stick with just the topic of finance and the people who we entrust to handle that money.

If you look back, there are a lot of shocking news of sudden collapse of companies for the past 11 years. Companies come and go, but these couple of years a company can be reporting good earnings for quarters, gave outrageous bonus and then the following quarter later announce that they are filing for bankruptcy. Yet if you notice, through those years, there are a growing pool of MBA professionals than ever before. But what is it that make them professional?

Looking back, a lot of the long surviving companies today started out with those people without the impressive credentials. But as times goes on, they started to add the elites in their staff following that common belief that you always surround yourself with smart people. But what many people forget is that beyond what is on paper, you got to follow your gut whether that person would be good to the company. Then you judge their work ethics and beyond that you monitor the person's integrity. You see, when you take smart + ego + greed then it = entitlement, then - ethics and moral then it = failure to the company the company that you surround you. Being smart is the beginning, but unfortunately it is not the end.

Now when you look at it, for all the major surprises to the failure of these great companies. The less elite banks such as Wells Fargo Bank has a larger capital share than Citi bank and let's not talk about Merrill or Lehman. Did anyone ever wonder the people that are in Wells Fargo now are probably the people that once were rejected by these elite companies? So it left me to wonder, what is smart and what are we using it for? The greatest danger is not by those who don't know, but by those who knows but don't apply it right.

This is your life now....

2008-09-13T01:45:00.000-07:00

I am visiting my family this weekend, catching a big game, and now watching a movie that I can't help but to quote it. I find it to be motivating.

"This is your life now. It does not wait for you to get back on your feet."

I love watching movies despite I know it is not real. But I think the beauty of the arts and yes movies can be an art, is to allow one to escape reality and for a spare moment (90 minutes) the elements of the world to be contained.

(amendment after 9/21)
For those who struggle today, look at the quote above. Nice thing about life is that it evolves.

Thoughts

2008-09-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

Thoughts while driving this past weekend:

....I really love the feel of driving at night with the window down. San Francisco is perfect when it is 75 degrees and the fresh air makes me feel extremely happy. Maybe it reminds me when I was younger cruising, but regardless what the reason is. It made me feel lucky to be alive and to even just have such feeling at my age. For that moment while driving, all my worries and thoughts just fly away. What was left is just the music and a big cheesy smile.

....I am amazed once again how I have very different friends and I feel so fortunate. Each makes or plays important parts of who I am. I realize that some of my friends can make me feel like I can do anything, nothing is impossible, push me to the edge, challenge my rules, and pump me up to the brink of almost being a bastard. Then there are friends that just do the opposite. They bring me down to earth. Makes me realize the essentials, what I should appreciate, point out how unreasonable my standards are and even to just double check my zealous ambitions. Although that makes me one difficult person to deal with, but it keep me interested in the world that I live in.

....One other thought. I sometime wait last minute. Maybe I enjoy the rush or maybe I am just a natural born procrastinator. Whatever the case may be, I need to get stuff done. I have my moment of brilliance and my moment of idiocy.

....Oh I wonder if I have learning disability. I been reading things backward. For instance, I read 397, but it was actually 379. I do that a lot. Am I loosing brain cells. Maybe I need to start taking fish oil. Make note to self...buy fish oil.

Teddy

2008-08-26T15:47:00.000-07:00

So many things that I wanted to write about, but I have to pick only one given the time that I have right now.....

Let see, it got to be the Ted Kennedy's speech during the opening of the democratic nomination convention. I 'm usually not a big fan of him or his involvement in politics. I often find him detached from reality of what America is today and will be in the future. But beside my own personal judgement of the man, I got to tip my hat to him for the inspirational speech that he gave this past Monday. The man has brain tumor and yet still manages to deliver a very powerful speech that inspired his party, illustrated his passion for politics, showcased his cleverness to move people and his undeniable strength to subdue his struggle during the presence of his peers. If nothing else, I saw someone that love what his was doing and the thing that he was was doing was loving him back. To be able to do that is a very powerful experience and a very fortunate one. It seems like as people income erode and the idea of self entitlement plague the rest of the world, the search for the passion become less reachable. Maybe the former dictated the later. But regardless which, it takes considerable amount of e(motion) to gather the strength to get you to stand up against the head wind. I am just glad that I got a chance to see it.

Seasons

2008-08-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

The author is unknown since I got this through an email. Time to just blog it and clean up my inbox.

"People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

I can read this and it can give me joy, at other times it gives me hope, and at other times it gives me sadness. Maybe this is the triangulation of life elements or maybe someone who is really good at writing post cards.

Weather Me This

2008-08-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

I've not blogged in awhile. Thought I need to make an observation and hopefully leads to something beyond that.

Today's bizarre weather makes me wonder. Gloomy, hot, spots of sunshine, drizzle of rain, cloud low, yet not low enough to prevent the planes from taking off, one moment it is hint of Indian summer, while the other the cloud speeds through the sky.

As I got out of my office today, such weather illustrated how my emotional spirit has been for the past couple of days. Sometime I think SF weather is as volatile as my emotional being. Maybe that is why beyond the chaos, this city's weather match me. When we both have out sunny days everything is as sweet as it can be. But when the cloud comes in, we experience the airy and almost scary thoughts. Can it be that my emotion as well as my life is like the changing of seasons. Some things passes by, while other stays, and while other go but never left. Cancer are crazy sometimes, I say never give birth to a child that would fall into the astrological sign of the water crab. They are really hard to eat and it takes forever to get the meat of it all.

With that the signing off of the simple and yet complex....me.

....Pause....

2008-07-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since my last entry. I have not organized my thoughts about everything that has happened within the last two weeks. Not that I am ever that organized, but at least not enough right now that I can write about it or even feel like writing about it. So let's just enter something that I am pondering about right now or just stole from my reading. Leave it so I can come back and revisit it someday.

One says:

wisdom applies to human problems, and intelligence to abstract ones
wisdom comes from experience, while intelligence is innate.

Alternative view says:

“wise” means one has a high average outcome across all situations, and “smart” means one does spectacularly well in a few.

Conclusion:

Being wise is not intrinsically better than being smart. Both have their place, and of course one would like to be both.

N.N.O

2008-06-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

Notes, news, & observation:

Notes: I need to figure out how to have more energy each morning. I realize I drag my ass out of bed each morning. I wonder if I was more awake then maybe I would be more productive. The sad thing is that I think I am only productive 3 hrs out of the 17 hrs that I am awake. I heard fish oil is suppose to be good for you. Maybe I'll try that.

News: I just found out I have a cousin that is 2 weeks old. Jus just became a father and is half retired in Maui right now. Apparently he is building on his land and working on his plan retirement place. But the interesting thing is that my cousin Ed had his kid earlier this year. So basically, my nephew has a uncle that is 6 months younger than he is. Man I got a strange family. If there is ever going to be a family get together, then lots of explanations are needed.

Observation: A lady came into the restaurant that I was having lunch at and asked some of the oddest questions. She sat down and said, "No tea, I am allergic to tea." My thought, "I never thought anyone would be allergic to tea. Then the waiter brings water and asked what she likes to order. She asked whether the pan cake had a lot of sugar. Because she can't have too much sugar. Then the waiter suggested something else. Then she said if the meat had MSG. She said she could dye from it. The waiter to my surprise was pretty nice and suggested vegetable, then the lady ask how much MSG in the meat. Bottom line, my whole thought was that too bad she is allergic to things. But man, if you come to a CHINESE restaurant, know the obvious. I don't understand people sometimes.

Neutral Equality

2008-06-15T23:07:00.001-07:00

Not much I want to blog at this time right now. Still trying to digest the week maybe. But there is one thing that I have to comment on, but it will upset the general public. That topic being the same sex marriage that is on every news channel today. First of all, I don't get it!!! Now we have to be P.C. about marriage by saying that it is a gender neutral marriage. What the heck? I've seen the the news and reason behind the same sex marriage topic. But could it be that this is where the liberals became too liberal? You can say rights of human, freedom of expression, equality, etc.... whatever that the coin phrase we use to say hey lets have and work on totalitarianism and then utopia. But really, why bother with this? Where is the boundary? Do anyone see the long term effects of this? Is there a gender neutral dress room that I can go when I need to try on clothes? Or an equal house that I can go into anytime I want to walk through a house? Or a gender neutral bathroom that I can pee, leave the lid up and hit on the person in the next stall? Better yet is there a gender neutral way for me to say it is that time of the month? Yes it is absurd. I think separation and differences exist possibly for a reason and serve a purpose. Somehow people thinks it is a negative thing. We don't have to look at a culture or even a specific religion to understand. If you just look at it, we are all governed by the natural law or law of nature (religious connotation). Even the word and act of law sets, define, and limits. There are limits, boundaries, and categories that makes life good. I don't think people should intrude or copy, instead they should innovate with the new if they want to make a statement. If you want something, start something for you, but don't go into someone else's world and try to enforce your opinion and belief. History already taught us that wars, deaths, alienation, poverty, and anything you can think of started with the idea that we should impose upon our belief.

On the economic side. Having a gender neutral marriage is going to hurt the economy and it will have a ripple effect that people have yet considered. Cost of health care will rise and increase even so more as we age. Company will have to consider how they need to assess the cost of having an employee. Now all the benefit payments they have will increase and cost per employee unit just got higher today. Yes, they measure this in human resource. Taxes may need to be hiked and adjusted. Really? How so? Just speaking for the company in the US, it makes sense to hire oversea labor because today they just became that much cheaper. Just think about the ripple. Start from the business, then to the politics, then to the laws, then to the finances, the taxes, and then finally to the homes. What changes and adjustment will come of this? I come to wonder if the benefit really out weight the cost for the change in definition of marriage that happened today? Is this about economics? Man where is my gender neutral marriage person?

Closing comment. I love the bay area. I have many things that I love about the people here and the diversity it brings. The opportunity to express and to just work on the acceptance of difference people. Part of that acceptance is first identify that there are differences. Then the true acceptance really form. With all that freedom in this place, also comes control and perseverance. I am sad to think that with a location that is filled with so many smart people per square mile, we can at time makes the dumbest choices. There were other place like bay area and they became history. Maybe the bay area needs to just be a little less bay area sometimes and start to see how life really is outside of the bay area. Harmony does not come from looking the other way, but instead it comes from looking at the differences and then realize the beauty that the differences bring.

Random thoughts

2008-06-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

What is the logic in me? I been trying to understand myself as to why I seem to be indifferent about all the uncertainty that surrounds me. Let's face it, the economy is going down hill, people are getting angry at everything, cost of goods are getting out of hand, corruption flow through the nation, and the fruits of mother earth are getting scarce. All this impact me and being one person full of opinions and sympathy, I sometime take it personally. One of them being the possibility of getting laid off from my current job. At work you can sense fear in the air. For me I was fortunate enough to get a interview this week. Yet I decided to tell the hiring manager that I will not be meeting with him. In my mind I said it was too far away to travel to work and in a way it kinda is. But that day I was in the edge of going to the interview. In reality it wouldn't of taken that much effort since I was not doing anything important at that time anyways. One logic I had was that I like to find something closer to the city. But when I told my manager that I decline the interview, he was shocked by my lack of urgency. I have to wonder why I did not jump on the opportunity despite the fact that most people are trying to get interviews. The only thing I can think of right now is that my lack for passion. But that topic been debated many time that it is often overrated. So I must try to figure why I am passing on opportunities. Is it because I enjoy struggle? Or maybe I'm just lazy? I've yet to find out the reason and for myself I hope I understand it soon.

One other thing that I thought about today on my way back home were just people in general. Traffic as usually stacked up on the fwy. People were jockeying for position in order to get home a few seconds faster. I notice people were aggravated because traffic were going about 25mph. But then I notice a dog sticking half of his body outside the car window. I realize as superior beings on this earth, sometime maybe we should learn from the simpler beings. If you look at it, while everyone is getting angry, the dog is finding the opportunity that traffic is slow. To the dog, having the window blowing his face is probably one of the most satisfying thing in the world. I never seen dogs having sex, but I swear if you look at the Husky, he may as well be having an orgasm. Despite him being a domesticated pet, with a red neck owner, him sitting in a hot truck and him probably miss treated at times, the dog's expression can almost look as if he was in heaven. Nothing else matters. Things just flew away. Washed. So I often wonder how much of the conflict we have are self cultivated? Can it be that all you need to do is just try and stick your head out the window sometimes?

Random

2008-06-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

"Men in general judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but only very few can test by feeling. Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are; and those few do not dare to take a stand against the general opinion."

- Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince

In my opinion Niccolo was a great leader and his ability to understand people is what made him good at what he does. Even today most of the leadership and help books still use his philosophy on how he rule his kingdom as their baseline for their research. I heard many things these couple of days which I've yet to understand why they stuck to me. Obviously this quote is one of them. I think the quote speak for itself. In general we seldom go against the flow because most of the time we were taught that the facts are in front of you and you should try to keep accord with everyone. We think that what we see or hear got to be the truth. But someone times maybe the true test can only be done by the sense of feeling. By uncover what is in front of us and to see beyond the obvious.

Then there is the one other thing that our brain do that makes our feeling questionable. It is called ANT (Automatic Negative Thought). Most people have it more than other. But almost everyone at one time or another have it. Interesting enough it is a weakness of the brain and yet sometime it may be your alert mechanism. The human brain is such an interesting creation.

With the complexity of the brain and the complexity of people is what makes world ever changing and ever so unpredictable. Yet we can't help it but to try to solve this puzzle since the existence of human. For instance, I saw this movie call Love and Sex on cable. It pretty much captured all the things people go through. You got the cynic, the over optimist, the avoider, and the floater. Whatever the person is, the interesting things is that human being in general at one time or another tries to mystify and demystify "Love and Sex". First is that people tend to mystify this topic. If your really look at it, you can't help but to. That is why there are books like "the road less travel" or "men are from mar and women are from Venus". Whatever the books are out there, we tend to enjoy that mystery and more so enjoy the act of trying to solve that mystery regardless of what happened in the past. Even for those that said they have given up, if you really talk to them, they really have not given up, they are just waiting for it to land on their lap. Otherwise they wouldn't have to say that they've given up. I don't know why I blog this, but I find that the film to be interesting because it took a look at the basic need of a human being with how we frequently use our 5 senses incorrectly.

Anyways I probably should be concentrating on finding a job or try to heal my aching back. Which reminds me, dam I'm old. But like I said, certain thing just stick on me and I have to write it down.

Gloom Friday

2008-06-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

My first blog since my return back from Australia has to be one of complaints. Oh well at least I start writing again. But I can already sense this will be a negative blog.

What can I say except that today is Friday and it has been a bad day for me so far but it is only 1:30 in the afternoon. I started off this morning wanting to chat with D over gchat. Thought it be nice to talk to her since it has been awhile since I seen her and maybe by chatting with her it would make this month go by faster. But somehow we got to the topic of me have a "single" status on FB to how come Vlo didn't know about her. As with most things, it came unexpectedly and a slippery slop of doubts start flowing in. What do you say to things that you are not aware of? I mean I tend to keep things to myself about my personal life unless someone ask me directly or that the conversation merit it. I guess it is hard to understand for most people, but I am in certain ways very open to things and yet certain times I am very closed off. It may seem like it is hiding, but to me it is just that I don't think people care that much about what goes on with my personal life. You know some people can talk about themselves all day long and I'm not one of them. Anyways that is the sideways conversation of my morning.

Then as I am getting to work, I had that strange feeling it is getting off to a wrong way. So around 12 noon an unplanned department meeting was announced. We were officially told that the layoff will occur in the middle of July. I was thinking that is just great. I want to be laid off sooner so I can meet up with D, but instead I am getting it right afterwords. To me that is kinda funny and ironic. The reason is , if I do end up traveling but then what happens between D and I? That is what if I spend two months oversea in Vietnam or Japan. I like to go somewhere before I start working again, but that will bring 6 months that we are away from each other. I am torn about all of this and I have to think about what is to happen in the coming weeks.

Then the stock market has to go south. Man I did not need to loose money right now. I like to preserve capital if I can. But the stinky oil and devalue of the dollar is not helping. I am sure it is tough time for everyone, I just hope that everyone pulls through. But dam what is the deal with the timing of all this? Hahahah.

So some random observation over the last few weeks that I may as well just write down.

I still remember when I was walking through the park near the Opera House in Australia, I encounter a bunch of Tibetan monks. They had the usual attire, but somehow just their demeanor were different from the peace that I sense in righteous people. This may sound crazy, but when people are right, in the right place and has peace, that essence is exemplify in their presence. It does not need to be said or praised, you can just tell. But anyways they were loud and if you can image the old Chinese movies of drunken monks that was what I saw. So when I passed by they gave me a look that bothered me. I tend to smile when I meet people eye to eye. I met them eye to eye and they just looked at me up and down, stop smiling and continued on with their laughter after I passed by. I thought nothing of it at first until I continue my walk through the park. Until I got to a portion of the park where I found a large poster laying on the grass. No one was there, but it was a collage of pictures with people getting mutilated. Essentially it was saying how the Tibetan were being abused by the communist party. I have my own opinion about the whole topic. But then I got angry because I was enjoying my time in Australia. In a country where I came to visit to have a vacation and also I came to appreciate because people just enjoyed being alive. Multi-race, culture, religion live together in this land. They obviously have their differences, but they coexisted, somehow. If they were to individually look back each of their heritage have one time or another abuse each other in their own way. Now In the beautiful place with the awesome weather I have to see politically driven picture laid out in public. What if I didn't want to see it. What if I had kids and I did not want them to see those pictures. Do I not have a right? Anyways that bothered me because I think politics is like a coin and it always have two sides. People, remember when we were so quick to support the war in Iraq? Just look at history and it tells you that there are always another side to everything. Often time we are wrong.

Another blah blah blah by me. I was getting my haircut and I saw kids running around in the waiting area. The mother with 3 kids destroying the salon and have one more baking in her womb. All she said was stop it to the kids while they keep repeating the same thing. I was about to say, hey control your kids and stop having sex. Obviously you can't handle anymore. The kids were loud, jumping around, and giving me a headache. Usually I love kids, but hate bad kids, because I think it is a reflection of the parents. Then I blame the parents more the kids. I think if you think more scientifically, you give birth if that addition to the world makes things better no matter the magnitude, otherwise the offspring is the negative addition to the world. For instance her annoying kid just made me wonder if I want kids, even though I like kids. What did she do to me? Hahahaha.

Oh well I am not too thrilled about today and I will see how this weekend progress. Hopefully it gets better. Man how I miss hockey right now. Lol.

Departure

2008-05-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

As I am getting ready to depart this wonderful city, I realize that I mix emotion and opinion about a whole glob of things. For sure I did not do everything there is to do here. I can imagine to fully get to know the country would require 3 weeks. But during my brief stay I've encounter many interesting people namely from different parts of Australia, Vietnam, New Yorke, China to name a few. That is the beauty of traveling, you get a cliff note of experience from other people and also get a chance to recharge yourself. You realize that there are some many wonderful differences and yet also human in general all are made of up the basics. So to be human were are all given the same, but the reset is up to you and a little fortune. So with that I keep it simply by saying with what was given to me, I am too a very lucky person.

Aussie Note

2008-05-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

I had a very complete and full packed day. Tired physically and mentally soaked in a lot, so in a way my brain is full for the day. I saw many wonderful things again today which I can probably write a lot about. But today was different because in this wonderful place I actually had the chance to hear local people's stories. Bottom line even in an amazing places, there are struggles that makes each of us so similar regardless where we are from, what religion, what race, or what creed. I can devote this blog entry as a recall of the sad stories. But I think I will only say that take life as it is given to you, find time to smile everyday, and the next day is always a different day.

Down under still

2008-05-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

Short post given I want to utilize my morning as soon as I can. I have a full day ahead. From my last blog......

Did I say I like Sydney a lot? I was told that people from Sydney says they are lucky. They say that because what place in the world would you get constant good weather, good people, all social welfare taken care off, and economy that continue to grow. Obvious you still have people that will complain just for the sake of complaining. Overall from someone looking in and also from talking with a local, they consider themselves very fortunate and more so I get the sense that many also feel very altruistic about things in general. Because when things are good it is hard to imagine that why it can not for everyone else.

My lunch time kinda exemplify Sydney I think. I followed a crowd of people getting out of a Chinese restaurant. I figure I haven't eaten since it is 2:30 already and for some reason I completely forgot I was hungry because I was just awwed by my surroundings. But the waitress sat me down between to parties. Right in the middle, by myself. I felt uncomfortable of course. Then the two ladies on my left tried to start talking to me and asked where I was from. We struck a conversation and then the next thing you know the couple on the right of me also joined in. The during the middle of the meal another guy eating by himself sat right across from me. A local. He start talking. But the end of it I could not finish eating because every just starting to converse and getting to know each other. Now how often to you see that happened? Long story short....I think this place has positive vibe and therefore I believe that when people are positive, even just have a smile to someone, then good things happen. It pays forward in dividend.

Okay...stop for now....need to start the day........

Touch Down

2008-05-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

I arrive in Sydney in the early morning of 6AM. So far I've yet to check in my hostel, but I did have the chance to explore some parts of the city. So far it has been terrific. It is a bit difficult to describe Sydney especially it seems like it has a little bit of everything. I was not sure why I always wanted to come here and visit, but I realize as soon as I got on the train. I am living the dream that I had when I was a wannabe surfer/skateboarder in San Fernando Valley, CA. Back then all you hear about was the great pipeline of Australia. The amazing people, the surf, the weather, and of course the fresh vibe of the place. From my brief exploration of the place so far, it lived up to my expectation. To start as to why I like the place, for one thing it is by the ocean and the weather been extremely amazing. For someone who loves the water and sports this is the place to be. Another interesting thing about this place is that it has almost a little bit of every country that I've so far visited. I kid you not, it is if somehow Asian, Europe, s. America, and united states got blended together and some how the country manage to make it work. So as I explore the city I see the influence that each culture plays off one another. The last time I've seen something like this was in Turkey, but that was a blend of European culture and religion. I am happy to see this blend because I often wonder whether the idea of melting pot, with some social conscious and people with the sound belief that just respect one another really can happen. I think this place comes close. So far my exploration is just early in the morning, the next is to see how I feel once the city comes to life and people start coming out. There is a lot for me to say and it has only been 4 hours. I think it is better and easier in bullet points:

cost of living - everything here requires you to pay and a dollar does not get you far. I imagine this being a great place to live, it can counted for the high prices. An average lease for an apartment is about $430 per week, which equals to $1700 per month.
weather - amazing. It gets cool and warm all within a span of 2 hours.
people - mind your own business. People are generally friendly. I notice a lot of the shopkeepers are Asian. But then maybe the dam Chinese are so overachievers that they cannibalized themselves to working in coffee shops and bus drivers.
food - I have not had any yet. But Asian food is big here. You get a lot of Vietnamese and Chinese food here. But I think Asian in general are a bit population. From what I've seen, food here looks very good regardless what ethnicity. I've yet to try the beef pie, but I will.
talent - This is to my friends that I will tell later that the talent here is pretty good. It is a place you can meet people very easily. To my women hungry friends, you guys should visit. To my man eating friends, make sure you cut your nails. :-)

Report......To be continued.

Down Under

2008-05-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

So I started with a blog entry I don't plan on completing until I get back. I am curious to see how I am emotionally as the days go by this long weekend. This is the first time I am traveling alone since Malaysia. Of course this time I travel with complete different reasons. It is still interesting to just analyze my thoughts when it is all over, review its changes and its sometime rational and irrational flow of unconsciousness.

So here is what happen so far before I make my way to the plane.

Blooper - I was dropping my manager off at the airport today. He was helping me with things to do in Australia and started to check off the list as if he was a father making sure that his son was well prepared. Then he ask a final question and said....."So you got your Visa ready right?"......Then I was like oh, you mean I need a visa? Long story short I rushed to get my visa online and was approved instantaneously. Luckily Australia is just greedy and all they care about is your money. I have my visa, luckily I took him to the airport. Otherwise I wouldn't of gotten on the airplane.

Support - Everyone I talked to so far been really excited for me to go to Australia for such a short time. Got lots of suggestions. I think people are more excited than I. But as I read up more on the city, I begin to get excited because I realize it sounds like a place that I can get to like a lot. Well, I will see. If I get in a fight with a drunk Aussie, then I may hate the place. But so far it sounds like a very multi-racial, multi-cultural place with lot of good Asian food and good Italian food.

At Home - I thought I would not have anything to do this weekend and one of the reasons why I decide to go oversea. Yet a few hours before my trip, I got a few calls to go hang out tonight and this weekend. Now why don't people be for prepared and plan. Let me know sooner. I can't complain....I did not initiate. Then another twist of event, I got a text from a friend out of the blue. I known her for awhile now and somehow she decided to text me and said she wanted to date me. I am thinking she is drunk or something, but man who text people to ask that kind of question. I just got my subway sandwich and decided to watch the Lakers game. But the sad thing is that if she is serious, then I think I may loose a friend because they never stay friends with you once you say no to them.

Emotional Conscious - I have mixed feeling whether I should make my flight there. I hope that things don't go wrong or that my family and friends will be okay. I am excited to see Sydney and looking forward to reading the book I wanted to read for the longest time (Guns, Germs, and Steel). I predict I will have time of uncomfortableness (in a hostel for god sake), time of loneliness (by myself), and time of excitement. But hopefully by the end of it all I come back with a sense of balance and acceptance of the future to come. By me writing that sentence, I realize maybe I should be a fortune cookie writer. I wonder how much do they pay?

Then another thought..............

Irrational Exuberance

2008-05-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

What is rational versus what is irrational? I think that is a matter of bias judgement and what society perceive the norm will always change. Let's face it, we all judge what we don't understand and the first instinct is to say the person is irrational. For instance, yesterday I saw a lady walking on the street in a nice outfit with high heels. While behind her trails a white truck where a guys is asking her to come back in. When I saw that I said now that is irrational. What purpose for the girl to get out of her car and just start walking. Let say the guy did leave, then what? She is going to think back and tell herself that it was a stupid move, now how am was she going to get home if the dude did leave. But yet the guy did not leave and she got back in the car and maybe in some way she make her point. But for a guy like me I think that is crazy.

Then today as I was eating I saw some very heavy set guy buying a hot dog, salad, coke, and yummy churros. So obviously the dude is trying to loose weight. So does he think that by eating the salad after he eats the hot dog, down the coke, swallow the churros, and then finish off with a salad that he will actually be healthy. He should go all in and just devourer some greasy pizza and skip the salad. At least he did it with some style.

So what does that have to do with anything. Probably not a whole lot. But I came to try and rationalize whether I should use the weekend to catch up on my personal project or just take off alone to a foreign country for the weekend. As an irrational person.....I am going to Australia for 2 to 3 days. Hopefully when I come back, I can brink back the rational person with me.

Just a thought

2008-05-22T00:30:00.000-07:00

Contemplation.....when I get indecisiveness I wonder if it is me just thinking too much or just something else that is telling me not to be stubborn. Not to be too spiritual or anything, but I have came to realize that my life consist of a constant mixture of going after what I want with no hesitation and at other times dropping my stubbornness with faith that things will turn out the way it should. It is almost like to a point where I get so confident that I say my destiny is in the palm of my hand and then something will remind me that oh I have no control at all. I am having one of those week whether the picture is not so clear. Dam is that what women call PMS?

On a side note....I realize I should go to sleep earlier. I was once told that you should get 8 hrs of sleep to be productive. Maybe if I get that much sleep I would be more productive. But who gets that much sleep?

What to do when you have a free day?

2008-05-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

I was just told today that this weekend is memorial day and I have a day off. Man, I completely did not know this and had no plan for this weekend. Now I am evaluating what I should do. Should I stick around the bay area so I can save some money and finish my personal projects such as studying my PMP? Should I go visit my relatives in Virginia? Should I just spend some time with my family in LA? Should I go white water rafting in Japan? Or should I head over to Australia?

I am contemplating going to Australia to just go. Plus while I still work in UA I can at least say I can. I would be going alone, which I have not done in awhile. Maybe it gave me the opportunity to organize my thoughts and maybe have some sort of self discovery. Or maybe I just get a chance to be a beach bum and just get lost in a foreign country. Part of the reason for this aspiration, is because I got another email about information session for USF. Then I also got news that some friends are moving over the China for work. Then after last weeks interview, I wonder why I take an opportunity and kinda throw it away. I don't regret things I do, I just want to make sure that I don't know things for the wrong reasons. I am have logical at time and half illogical, which mean I am emotional. I believe sometimes you can still accomplish something even if you are unorthodox in your approach.

With all that....this weekend I may just end up staying home and do nothing.

On an another note. I have having one of those injury days. Playing basketball I landed on my wrist, hurt my back, and wacked in the face which resulted in a bloody nose. What the heck. This is a combination of feeling like I am getting old to dam what lousy luck. Oh well at least I still played well and I am slowly getting back to my basketball shape. Dam, my birthday is coming up in about a month and a half.....oh man.

Thursday Wrap Up

2008-05-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

It is good to be able to site down and write. I realize that these days I've been very lucky to be busy, but sometime I think things passes so fast that I never got the chance to write down my feelings or just no judgement of thoughts of what happened. Just to capture it so that I can revisit it someday. Weird thing is that it is not until I gotten older that I started to appreciate the importance of recording, the simple enjoyment of writing and taking photos to capture those moments in time. With that thought, so much has happened since my last blog and I am not sure where to start. Well I think I break it down like the Italian meals:

1st course:

I got on a plane on Sunday evening to fly over to France to meet up with D. We explore the French Riviera, had a wild train ride making 3 stops (actually her ride was rougher than mine), saw the Italian Riviera, had a great time hiking to show D one of my favorite places, had intense moments of conversation with her, and enjoyed doing nothing with someone that I did not expect to have such strong feel at this time of my life. So basically a terrifically unexpected roller coaster week. Looking back I think it is great that when I am with her, it seems like time passes so fast. Maybe because we were traveling or maybe simply when you are having a good time, there is just never ever enough time. With the time I spent with her came moment of smiles and as well as concerns. We talked about our belief in money, family, values, other people, and life's commitments. Through all the conversation I realize we have our differences and our similarities. Which if you look at it, is all a part of dating and relationship. If you really want to be with someone that does not have conflicts, then be with yourself. It is the fine line of whether those differences break the two people or make the two people stronger. Well time and how we handle the conflict determine the future result. But I am a strong believer that things are only good and terrific when there is a existence of the negative effect. Meaning how can we truly know what is good if there is no evil? Each plays its part. Embrace it. There is a lot to be said about this week, but I think one word that I took with me to France was "Auspicious". The mean is: promising success, opportune, favored by fortune. That is how I feel about the time so far I've spend with D. I hope for promising successful relationship with D. I think I was fortune to experience this regardless what the outcome may be in the future. Now is the opportune time to having such feelings because I think I need it. Therefore thus far I think I am favored by fortune that came to be beginning of 2008. Despite our differences, our likeness, and possible future hurddles, I hope we can always smile at the end of the day. Well....let's hope.

2nd course:

After coming back from Europe, I had my interview with the VP of Boiler room company. It is weird that after coming back I really had very little motivation to prepare for the interview. I know that it is always important to be prepare for a interview. But yet I guess my heart was not into it. It would be a good opportunity, yet something just prevented me to put passion into what the job is about. I did finally go to the interview while juggling my time study for work, my Wednesday class, and my other commitments. Yet I probably could of rearrange things, but i waited until the last 15 minutes before to do any review. To little surprise, I did not do I well as I usually would. I got to admit this time the office in Foster City was much nicer and had more diverse set of people. Although most still fit the same mold, but at least ethnically it was more diverse environment. Well I will see if I get a call by. I think this interview was more for me to determine if I want the job or not. By talking with the recruiter it was up to me to mess it up and I think my lack of effort showed in my interview. Oh well, lesson learned. Maybe some soul searching is due for me to explore why I do that. Obviously do I really need to have passion for my work. All it does it to bring in a paycheck. My passion should exist outside of work. Yet on the reverse side, I think majority of our life is spend at work, so shouldn't we have passion or feel a sense of fulfillment with what we do?

Desert:

I got recent request from friends asking me to go on trips. They really think I don't work and I have unlimited amount of vacation time. What the heck. Hahaha..... Although I got to admit, being in this job, and unknowing how long I will have this job, I do have a lot more time fulfilling my desire to travel and just enjoy mother earth. But the trips that were offered up were, Costa Rica, Mtn. Fuji, and Hong Kong. How am I suppose to fit these in my calendar? I still plan on meeting D in Seoul if destiny permits. Man sometime I just wish I can just say okay, I am not working anymore and just see the world and work on my memory as reap the opportunity that life has to offer. In a side note, part of this thought was that a good friends dad went to ICU, unexpectedly over the weekend. I know that it hit him by surprise because he just talked to his dad. So now with all his aspiration of going to grad school, he may halt that process until he see his dad in full recovery. I don't blame him, because I know with something that traumatic happens, a person always tries to evaluated and re prioritize. Well I hope the best for him and his family.

Boiler Room

2008-04-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've literally walked into a movie today and now sitting here in my apartment wondering what is next. I just went on an interview with a private investment firm that interviewed me for a project manager position. These past couple of days, I've spent preparing and brushing up on my interview skills. I got to admit that not having to interview for the past 3 years really made me aware how much work it takes to get ready for an interview. I use to be able to do an interview on the fly and know my elevator pitch with the drop of a dime. If I would to interview more in the future I would need to brush up more on my sales skills. Nevertheless I think I did well today and they may extend me an offer in about two weeks.

Ironically, I don't know if it would be something that I would say "Yes" to. The owner of the firm is one of the top investment gurus and renown writer for Forbes magazine for the past 30 years. He is always known for his unorthodox market assessment. Most of the time he is an contrarian which has helped him build his reputation for his forecasting ability of future market trend and his triple digit returns year over year have made him one of the most wealthiest person in the US. The headquarter of this firm is no different. It is situated in the hills of Woodside in a private residential area. Getting there required winding roads through skyline and eventually reaching a giant ranch with a cast iron security gate. After passing the security gate, a parking lot filled with European and high end Japanese cars as if they were in display for a show. Upon entering such establishment, I soon realize all eyes are on me. I was not sure why at the beginning, until I noticed that I was the only one that did not fit the typical mode of this place. It is like as if I walked into a frat house back in college where everyone decided to shop at brooks brothers. All the guys were your typical twenties and thirty year old making some good money and thinking that their shit don't stink. If you have to carbon copy people, here is the place to be. You have to be white, over 5'10, toss around a stress ball, compete to see who can talk the most smack to each other, and have a half genuine smile on your face. As for the ladies, they are blond and more blond. There were some Asians, but I think they were office clerks and maybe one Asian girl who looked like a investment trader, but gave me the weirdest look as if I'm from outer space. It made me realize that this is all becoming too familiar. At my first company, we had a division like this, except I was the one laughing as these chumps. These were kids who have such big heads that you wouldn't believe because they were pulling 6 digits, motivated by the movie Wall Street when they were a baby, outside the office they feel like they were superior to everyone else and yet they would lick their own asses if their supervisor told them to do so. Yes I am being brash. But this is the environment that I walked into today. So this so very atypical firm with everyone's desk situated together with no offices nor cubicles. People here seldom go out to lunch because they order online and it gets delivered to their desk. Plus they brag on the fact they have a tower that over look the pacific ocean and the entire peninsula. What can I say, I turn put on my pretentious hat and made sure that they need me more than I needed them. The interview manager seems to take bait and despite the initial raise the eyebrow of my appearance, he seems to see that he can use my skills.

So upon my further research tonight, I found out one of the film called Boiler Room was about this exact firm. It is the real life dog eat dog world of investment firms and the heat that is put on you when you were in a place like this. Seeing the movie and now going to this place really made me understand that sometime movie does a good job of capturing real life. The attitude were so thick that you can literally use a knife to cut it.

So with that, I am at a point of questioning whether I can be in the boiler room again. This job potentially would be a stepping stone to my goal of working in a top banking company such as Lehman or JP. Also if I decide to move overseas, having financial experience would definitely help. But will it change me so much that I don't even like myself anymore? Even worse will it change me so that I don't even know that I changed. Well I have a few days to think about it, at least this falls into my plan of a backup in case UA decides major layoff and I'm one of the casualties. So I have a few things to consider now. But for now I am looking forward to the week ahead and just put this aside for now.

Reflect on Vegas Weekend

2008-04-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is the company that makes the occasion. This weekend in Vegas with the guys really makes that a true statement. I call it a gathering, because sometime it takes that much effort just to get people together from different countries to meet in one place. Yet with people coming from NY, Japan, Vietnam, Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, and San Jose, the geographic disparity and the challenge of people's schedules, we manage to come together for one memorable weekend yet with so little effort. I guess the original AAC (D,B, K,K,B) were all in attendance. I couldn't imagine that it was just about a year go that we all sat at the red brick room and talked about how one day we will all be overseas. Now everyone is all over the place. Some overseas while others stayed behind. Each in different country or cities. Each living their life a little different from a year ago. Typically the distance would draw people apart, yet amazingly when we came together it was like when we were back in San Francisco. I can tell from everyone, as expected, have grown in their own way base on their experiences from the past year. Yet we maintain the fundamental of our friendship. There were moments of nostalgia, frustration, initiation, and bonding that led to creating new memories this weekend. But the bottom line is that as I read people's faces and reactions, I realize that when it comes down to it, we have our friendship to help us drive this continue bond among all of us.

Maybe that is why when we do come together to hang out, we act like boys. Allowing ourselves to just hang loose, not be judged, and play like as if we were kids at a playground. Of course I think we feed on each other sometimes and this weekend were no different. So true to the comment that boys will be boys. We of course we will go back to our responsible ways after the weekend, but it was good to be a kid again with close friends. Despite the opportunity to act like as nothing has change, the true the matter is that from this trip I also sense that the boys are getting older and ready to move to the next level. Maybe not all will move at the same speed, but in similar directions. So I hope in the future, each of our individual chapters can include a little of each other's stories.

As much as we try to hide it, I can tell that each person missed one another and wished that the weekend didn't have to end so quickly. I still remember, we sat around the pool with a group of 6 people squeeze in a small gazebo so that we can chat away on what has happen in each of our live, what we wish to happen, and even give ourselves time for the little none sense of daily things that we can later reflect to smile about. But like all things it must comes to and end. But at least we left knowing that each other are okay and despite the fact that everyone is apart to work on their own stories, we know that one day we will be back together again. So with that I say this past weekend in Vegas was a celebration of friendship that just begun. I am extremely thankful to have friends like them and to have the luxury to build memories in Vegas in the spring of 2008.

Remind me.....what?

2008-04-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

Sometime I just need a little reminder about what I agreed to myself. This is something totally random, but I was channel surfing and came across a movie called, 'If Only'. The first thing that caught my eye was some dude reading a letter and weeping like a baby. I thought to myself what a little bitch! Someone should slap him and they shouldn't show this kind of stuff on TV. Certain things just looks weird to me, like the fact this guy is crying like a girl and curled in bed in fetal position on a king size bed. Luckily for me, I could switch to the other channel which is showing playoff hockey. Where men can actually still be men. I was about to change the channel, until the next scene showed Jennifer Love Hewitt. Wow she is hot!!! So being a guy that I am I had to watch what this is about. Come on, she was in her Hanes underwear!! So anyways, the storyline of the movie is about a guy who worked intensely on his career, but yet left little time for his relationship. Each day he had his opportunity, but his own fear to reveal himself and maybe a little neglect that things will always be there, left things unsaid. Until one evening his girlfriend and him got into a cab together. They got into a car accident which eventually kills her. That is where the story really begins. When he woke up the next morning, he finds her next to him as if that night was all but a dream. But all the events throughout the day indicates that inevitable was about to happen. He is left with the question of how he will try to live out the last 24 hours with her. Which eventually like all movies, he learn to open up to the one that he love, made the most out of the day because that is all he has left with her, and miraculously his leap of faith by taking a chance also helped her conquer her own fears. So the accident did happen. The only ironic twist is that an the end of the car accident, she was not the one that passed away, but instead she was the one that got left behind.

So that movie serve a good reminder that sometimes we need to live like there is no tomorrow because you never know when it could be your last. Also it is okay to take a chance and just live and know that good things happen when you let go. If you are lucky, you are able to share your life with someone before the inevitable thing call death approached you. As good as that movie serve a good reminder about life is short and how you should enjoy it. It also left me with the thought that man this dude cry a lot in this movie. Someone should really slap him. Hahahah. But also the reality is that time is about a balance of living like there is no tomorrow and also life is very much like what I see from watching a playoff hockey. That is, there is always a winner and a looser. Sometime you just don't make the right moves, sometime you are lucky to get a goal, and sometimes you make the most out of your opportunity with your team mates in hope that something good will happen. Then there are time you just enjoy the moment because that maybe your one and only chance. So bottom line, enjoy it.

Well enough of that fluffy stuff. Luckily I also had a chance to hang out at a bar to recover my manhood. Watched men playing hockey and use their strength to beat each other up. Wow almost went overboard on the metro sexual stuff. Ah...how funny the way the mind works.

Movement

2008-04-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

* A friend expecting their second kid after just nine months having their first.
* A friend continue to pursue a girl in San Jose despite the obvious of just friends sign.
* The uncertainty of having a job in the next month, yet I feel indifferent about the topic.
* A friend has the honor to carry the Olympic torch but it was short lived.
* A friend forfeit 30K and can still laugh about it, but I know it hurts.
* A friend says he will be married by this year and yet he does not have a girlfriend.
These are the things that crossed my path this week. I am not sure what to write about them, but I thought I should at least record these little things that happen. I think stories are everywhere and it is just matter of listen more carefully to people. So what is my little story at this moment? For this week I tried to rehearse in my mind the idea of keeping things simple. Since I can remember I always felt like I needed to be in motion of constantly doing things. I guess when I was a kid I was told that I never have enough time and if I don't keep busy then I am wasting time. That is not something you say to a 7 year old, but that stuck to me. As I've gotten older and not wiser, I realize often the things I pursue I get most of the time and sometime I don't get. But I am for sure guilty of thinking more about the things that I did not get instead of the things that I got. If I would to look back, shortly after I graduated I wanted a house and a few months later I got a house. Then I wanted to travel to Europe like everyone else and a few months later I took an incredible trip with an united nation of friends. Then there was the time that I wanted to buy a Mercedes because I like the one I saw on the San Mateo bridge, a few months later I got my car to celebrate the millennium. Then there was the time when I wanted to be able to travel like I own a jet, so a few months later I got a job with an airline so I can travel to see my family in LA while able to travel to places that I always dreamed about. But for some reason, this year I keep thinking that I still have so much I need to do and I don't seem to have the time to do them. I got to admit some of these things I just put off and I question whether I am motivated to do them. I think as I gotten older I gotten more extreme on the idea of being in constant motion. There are days when I need to keep moving, otherwise I feel like there is something wrong and then there are days when I am the exact opposite. I can probably say it is age, but I think it is in a way just understanding that not everything weight that heavy. Not getting is sometime as good as getting something. So there comes to my reason of trying to keep things simple. No simple to the sense that I just get by, but simple so that the stuff that I am after does not weight me down.

So for this past week, I am taking a page out of Bobby Fisher's play book. I decide to hold back on my activities so I stand back and understand this chess game of life. So every one's story is developing and I wonder what my next chapter is about. I am little bit nervous, a little bit all over the place, and a lot excited to see how things will be.

Much about nothing

2008-04-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

The power of the media and how it influence the environment and ultimately effects the way we feel. One example of this non intrusive act can be seen or experienced from the arrival of the Olympic torch and the anticipated protest that comes with it. I find it interesting the topic of Tibet can quickly morph into many areas and in so many people's lives now. I find myself a part of of this 'mix'. What I mean mix, I am talk about how unexpectedly a topic can alter the things around us. Both artificial as well as organically the 'mix' became part of us. This is how this ultra sensitive Cancerian came up with his bias conclusion call the 'mix'.

Since the the start of 2008, the anticipation of the Olympic in China began to grow. The world economy excluding Asia began to crumble with the sub prime as the main cause. Presidential race intensify and Bush's rating hits an all time low. The Fed came with fiscal policies to stop the bleeding of the economy which did very little. Then you hear about the protest in Tibet with the cause by a protester threatening the foreign visitors. That trigger China using excessive force and of course the riots in Tibet to emerge. As the torch travel to Paris and London, protesters tried to put out the torch and now at the eve of the arrival of the torch to SF, some people who were chosen to carry the torch decided to back out because of the possible security threat.

So what is the purpose of this listing these events. I think that the power of the media really effects how we feel or define our reality at any given moment. The issue with Tibet been going on for years and protest always existed. But since the media coverage of the protest has been so intensive as of late, I've notice a change in my surrounding. People are generally a little bit more on the edge. I drive on the freeway everyday and I notice other people including me been cut off by other drivers more frequently than usual. At the gym more arguement among people that plays together. In general people are just more aggressive. At the coffee shop that I usually go to, I see less smiles by the patrons. At lunch I heard political discussion of how candidates and government office needs reform. (One interesting fact about ease dropping is I've learn that private funding to presidential candidate is a constitutional right that falls under the freedom of speech. I laugh at that statement since Asia must be the most free speech place in the whole world and not the US). Then the other day I learn a friend of mine been chosen as part of the 40 people who will carry the torch on Wednesday. She sent out an email asking people how they feel about the protest and the meaning of carrying the torch. I've notice there were less coverage in the news on how bad the economy is and more on Tibet. The rise in stock market been the benefactor.

So what is my point to all this. Well there isn't any. The interesting thing about the 'mix' is that it is different for everyone but yet in certain ways it all stem from the same. It is like saying how does the color red makes you feel. You know that is it a color, you know that it effects people, but you can not conclude how it effects people and what will always happen next with one conclusive statement.

So I think I end my blog entry with a bunch of question instead. What if we did not cover the Olympic torch and China's treatment to Tibet? What if instead the media cover more on the people of Iraq and their current state of their country? What if the media cover more on the Haitians protest to their government on the high cost of food in that country? What if media cover on the discovery that 41% of US government workers miss used 14 billion dollars on personal items? What if media covered how Australia continue its incredible GDP growth over the past decade? What if media covered how a little island outside of Japan contains the largest population of people over 90 and investigate their secrets?

So here is my prediction for the next couple of months: You will not hear an announcement from China to do much about Tibet except to say they will look into the matter closely. The presidential election will occur and the blame game begins with continue drop in the stock market and the full swing into recession. Then you will see how the the global economy will take a sharp down turn which triggers political reform in many populous countries. A nominal grow emerge in S. America, Russia, and SE Asia. Green economy will fill the news after the 2008 Olympic.

Okay enough fun playing the fortune teller. Let me check back on this and see how wrong or right I am about all of this.

Light on...Light off

2008-04-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've read an article awhile back about the study of the human brain. I wanted to write about it. But as I think more into it, it is not an easy thing to write because when I start writing I incorporate my bias into into it. Maybe I just don't have the words or even my random thoughts about this topic. Even if I write, I would continue to write in an infinite loop of consciousness. So post it and come back later.

But things are funny that way. Whether this is science, man made, or just 2oth century zen. Regardless, when I read about these two things it made me wonder how life is really "Wacky".
----------

Hedonic Adaptation —the brain's natural dimming effect.

vs/and

Focusing Illusion - Cognitive bias.

Weekend...a little out a little in

2008-04-06T18:38:00.000-07:00

Out:
Went to my first Bo Nuong Cha dinner party with some massive craw fish boil....Pretty interesting dinner party. But the smell stays in my clothes and hands for a day.
Birthday song at Mint. Drunk people are funny. Especially weird ones that keeps pointing at me.........Many people can really sing and many people can not.

In:
Completed chapter 3 and chapter 4. Caught up on class.....Man I really need to get studying on this. Studying is getting harder. I need to be more focused.
Conversation with Kumar for an hour.....Why certain things he says will hit an area that I keep ponder about? Can it be true?
Self reflection.....Seeing the 737 take off is a beauty. A second later, a hawk carries a twig to its nest. Very cool. If I can have a basic super power I would want to fly.

During my life I've learn that sometime I need to start listening and pay attention to things around me. A conversation with Kumar somehow made me think about whether he said is true. Am I really going to repeat that again? Aside from what he said, I've notice little hints that often seem ridiculous to everyone else but seems to speak to me. The signs that I often ignore before and then came back to bite me. One thing is for sure though. I definitely not a ninja like JL...instead I think I rather be a jedi.

I think base on what I know thus far. I am going to sum my thoughts as this: Shift Happens.

So for the funny conversation:

Conversation #1:

"Wow you really grew up. I see you developed real nice speed bumps over there!"

Conversation #2:

Woman #1 said, "I think he is different from what I'm use to".

Woman #2 said, "Different?......Having a peanut butter and spinach sandwich is different. But I don't think anyone go out there and say hey.......I like to try one."

Conversation #3:

Dude #1 said. "You have such bad memory. I've told you that before."

Dude #2 said, "Really I don't remember, but I am getting older and I've notice I forget more."

Dude #1 said. " Yeah you should stop doing all that drinking and staying up late all the time."

Dude # 2 said, "Yeah you are probably right. So what do you want to do next weekend?"

Dude #1 said, "Hmm, how about I come up, you bring some people out, we do some drinking and party all night?"
Dude #2 said, "Hmm....Okay. See you next weekend!"

Conversation # 4

Person #1 said, "I am not fat. I just carry a lot of water weight." .....

Person #2 said, "No. I don't think so. It is not the water that make you fat. It is the fat that makes you fat!"

Conversation #5

Person #1 said, "I like to talk about the war that is going on here."

Person #2 said, "There is no war here, unless you brought it with you."

...........

The last conversation is what I am thinking about right now. Is it "war" that I am going towards or am I bringing "it" with me?

Exponential....Diverge....Converge

2008-04-04T00:09:00.000-07:00

Okay so the title seems odd. But it is single word or interval of words in my thoughts about the last couple of days ever since the start of last weekend. I can not begin to describe what I mean. Yet maybe when I look back at this entry someday, I can finally make sense of it all.

Last weekend was fill with the meeting of friends. Some I have not seen in awhile, some I don't know if I will ever see again, some I'm not sure if it was a good idea to see, and some you wonder why you see. Overall it is the experience and the unexpected lesson that life has to offer. People come into my life and seldom I have judgement of whether it is bad or good. I tend to think that it is a small miracle of having the opportunity to experience it regardless whether that was good time or bad time.

As for early this week, it is about seeing friends of friends. It is also about getting friends to meet friends. Many are different people, yet they are so similar. Just they don't know that yet. I seems to think that this week is about the setup. Merging of people that I often do not have the chance to see and build the environment for people to meet. This is the inception of what I think it maybe for my guy friends. Another words, they better execute because I've set the stage for them.

So for the exponential of this past couple of day, its most obvious illustration was tonight. My friend C-Man can to visit from NY. My other friend H and I decide to setup happy hour and dinner. Then the one email comment of the more the merrier became suddenly so true. From the original of 3 people, became a night of 19 people at happy hour and creating a huge bill at OSHA. They are all different people and of course the guys are happy with the ratio. Man can I pimp them out or what? Hahhaha....there are not enough single guys friends these days. But hey I am not hearing complaints from them. It was a fun night that close the last 6 days perfectly. Now I have the weekend to start over again. But this time tamed and with hopefully more focus on my self development than just going outside with people

One thing is for sure. Although I am grateful for having the opportunity to be out and spend every night with different people, I have to say it has put a financial crunch on me. Having 50 dollar dinner every night and then get drinks, can not be the best for my bank account. I realize I should save money, because hey I have a feeling I will need it soon. Being unemployed eats up the saving fast. Plus I am going to Vegas soon and that will do a lot of damage. Ahhhh am I cheap or what? But until I find a better paying job this is how it is. I trade the money for the experience of freedom and the opportunity to travel. It helped with checking off the bucket list. Well I think everything has its trade off. People can judge me or they can say anything, but I live a fuller life than the average dead person.

Well to cap off the night....I toast to all the people that I did not get a chance to say hello tonight. Let it be known in cyberspace that I have thought about all my close friends tonight. I miss you and I'm am honor to have you in my life and in my memory.

Spring - The season of change

2008-04-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

I have notice that things are changing. It is a bit weird, but I know that ever year spring arrives and its an indication of change, but for some reason this year seems to catch my attention more than usual. Here are a few thing I notice or maybe I finally notice that things are different:

1. When did they put Spanish instruction on TV dinners? If you think about it, it takes English to get that TV dinner to your hands. The language you use to get you the money to buy food. The signs and bill board showed you how to get to and from the market. The instruction to tell you how to operate the microwave. The electric bill that you read to see how much it cost you to cook that thing. Basically I am saying a common language is what brings people together. Use English dam it!

2. My company officially just cut 25% in capital spending, the probability of cutting operational spending (job cuts) is very likely. I am not sure how I feel about this. I am on one hand kinda looking forward to be laid off so I can go on vacation and just be a bum for a month or so. Yet on the other hand I can't help but to wonder what if I get laid off for a long period of time. Imagine if I lack the funds to enjoy the stuff that I am use to. Imagine what damage that would do to my social life. The questioning of "WHAT IF" comes up a lot. According to what I've read, happy people don't ask "What IF" questions. But potentially not having a cash flow makes me ask myself that more than usual. So basically being happy is hard to do.

3. My knee been hurting more than usual. In fact it bothers me even while I am sitting at my desk or just laying in bed. Oh man, the inhumanity!!! I am concern because I find pleasure in doing sports such as basketball and hockey. But with my knee, I have to wonder how long can I play sports. Again dam it, that "WHAT IF" question.

4. Lately I've been hearing a lot conversation about dating, marriage, divorce, and time. I've notice that people has a lot of anxiety build in them. It seems as though people really worry majority of the time they are alive. Yet sometime I encounter those who are the exception. I wonder if I can be part of that exception? I sometime wonder if that anxiety is something that is program into us when we are young by our parents. You got to plan, you got to do something for your future, you got to take care of us when we get old, you got an opportunity that we did not have, and you got, you got to, you gotta etc..etc..etc... We got to be the most stressful people ever in history.

These couple of days, I've notice a lot of other things that tells me this year will be a year to remember. Not sure why or how I came to that conclusion. But I am too tired to remember or reflect on them. I guess time will tell if this is true or just another seasonal change.

Zoology after 30

2008-03-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how many things are happening when sometimes I start noticing them Or maybe I am just having one of those over analyzing moment. But in either case it pass through my mind for a day or two and to my own world I find it interesting. I think this is a collection of thoughts and stories that I've heard from people over the past couple of days. It is funny how it just fits within the same topic. That topic being the issue of women, their thoughts, and relationships.

Last night I joined a friend visiting from Japan along with 4 other ladies for dinner. Unexpected being the only guy at the table conversation arise about men and women. I find myself at times wishing there were more XY chromosome around the table. I called for back up from a fellow friend, but apparently he was too wasted to make it. Despite I have the most idea setup for him, 5 single women who all they could talk about during dinner was about sex, relationship, and marriage. OMG....guys' dinner are so much less intense. Yes with listening to their fears, questions, and of course the pressure of family, I realize dam I glad I am a man. I answer questions like whether I would date someone with implants to question of whether I am pressure to be married. It seems like the nature of animal instinct and their needs are so evident each day. The become even more true when we move the party to a near by club. I find myself many times action like a zoologist look from a clear window. The women looks pretty, stand straight, and made sure their best assets are highlight to the general public. Some will make the pose as the wait the for men. While other will do all they can to make sure they are notice. The men are not different. They come up with the most ridiculous meeting tactic. The one that stuck to me was by a dude saying to this hot blond in zebra strips: "What is a girl like you doing in a place like this"? When I heard this I almost spill my drink. How can anyone think the girl will actually respond to that type of question? Beside how will she answer that? What ever happen to the old fashion hello? With little surprise she blew him off. I've been to many clubs and bars over my life time and I find that guys tend to fail at those places. Simply put they over complicate things with their insecurity or ego which eventually turn off the opposite sex more than bad clothes or bad skin. Besides that point I find it interesting because for myself I feel like I am so far away from this zoo. The attend of both sexes trying to attract each other in every way possible sometime sad and sometime just unbelievably funny. But this thought would not be complete until I list some of the things I've heard or noticed over the past couple of days.

1. A friend told me a girls is trying to trick guys she date in getting her pregnant so they will marry her.
2. After months of chasing after this psycho girl, another friend of mind told me he finally got to sleep with her. Yet she is crazy and hurt him more that 3 times already and rejected sleeping with him for about 10 times. I guess persistence counts. He told me because the guy she was originally into had to call the cops on her. Well I did not get the full story because I was busy....but I can imagine what this will lead to.
3. A friend said her mom told her to just have a baby already and she does not need a guy. Her mom's words were: He is a good looking guy. You and him should make an excellent looking baby. WTF mom....are you really looking out for your children?
4, When a girls is in a club dancing with a guy, she will still look at you and try to entice you. What like I am really going to get turn on by that? Hahahha girls are funny.
5. Women thinks a number is very important...like the number 30.
6. While on vacation, a friend is so insecure that she purposely did not eat after seeing so many hot girls in Taiwan. Her worries are that her boyfriend back home would think she is fat. She lost 7 pounds during her vacation. The sad thing is that everyone at work thinks she is hot, yet if you look at her boyfriend, he is the biggest dork. She blames her childhood of being left along and her insecurities.

This is my thought: There are three categories of people: the haters, the lover, and the denialers. Most people will flow through each of three during the course of their life. It is tough to be with each other because we often can not time where we are and who we are. But what other choices do we got? At the zoo, the lions can't stop being lions and monkeys can't stop being monkeys. They just let nature take its course and hope for the best. As human I think often times we think we try to be something different from a lion. We act different, we train our brains, or even dress different with all the hopes that being a different animal would just make things easier or better for us. Maybe it is just about embracing being a lion. Becoming the best lion that you can be and accept that you are in a zoo with many other animals who also strive for similar things in what we call life.

Spots.....

2008-03-28T01:09:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning a little unorganized if not just plain scatter brained. Maybe it is because D is leaving today, maybe is because I realize in a few months from now bday arrives, or maybe I am simply just having one of those moody days.

Sometimes I question myself if I am a little ADD. Especially today. I see the world operate in very slow motion as if I am watching a long movie that drag on forever wondering where and when is the punch line and why am I watching this? Today maybe is one of those days where I am seeking to find what is the BIG picture to all of this? So the list of unrelated things that cross my mind and cross my path are just random thought of a disturbed individual:

1. Reaffirm that I don't like missing people. Or I have issues of having this feeling.
2. Not sure how I will handle this. I blame my childhood on this, even though I am too dam old to still hold on to that resentment.
3. Concern how I got this way and the way I feel given that I know people usually will fail you.
4. The media really has a big effect on how people feel about their lives. It can make you think the economy is about to collapse or it can make you think that everything is picking up in swing of two days. That is why Roosevelt was such an interesting president in which he used the media to his advantage.
5. Got word or rumor that UA service may potentially be bought by Singapore Air. It makes it interesting, but also give me second thoughts about leaving.
6. I don't show up for work motivated, yet people still wants me to take on big projects Go figure, don't they realize I am a slacker?
7. I am questioning how I am going to deal with what is in my heart versus what I am doing for the next few weeks. No balance or harmony.
8. I really need to work on mine TO DO list.....It seems like time is running out and at some point I need to sacrifice one for the other.
9. I really need to go to the gym or just need to revisit the question 'what is my passion again?'.

Ahhh....maybe some sleep will help. Hopefully I laugh about this entry someday.

Hmmm Thoughts

2008-03-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

Collision. Things that collide. The force that it may. Bring two or more items together. That were the words and thoughts that constantly flow through my mind this weekend. I got to start by saying that this is really an observation of things. Both my simple observation of the general world and of my time spent with D this weekend. Also collision often has a negative meaning to the word. So is it not that I am saying this is a good or a bad thing. But it is how it is. Meaning that the unexplained, the unplanned "thing" that just happens when forces meet.

To start, this Friday was suppose to be the day she return back to her once perfectly planned journey. She decided to make a detour back to SF this past Tuesday. Am I being selfish that I am glad she did? She miss me and I miss her and the plane, the hotel, and the WILL to make things happen brought us back together to spend 4 brief and enjoyable days. Often too short, but like all good things there is got to be an end. Not a termination nor something so definitive. But a halt. The plan was to fly her to LA, have a nice dinner, grab pink berry, and send her off to the trip that was originally intended. Again like it suppose to be. It should of been in the PLAN. But collision occurred. We were ready to fly, to take off to meet the "Plan", but then for some unexplained reason the pilot announce that one of the computers was not operating properly. One of the computers? Couldn't they swap another one or even notice it when it was coming in from the other destination? To make a long story short, our once planned flight became a delayed flight that happened 4 1/2 hrs later. Taxi in BUR took longer than usual, getting a car took unusually longer because a strange Asian kid asked about hybrid car rental and the mileage he likes to get, getting on a ramp at 9 PM (usually no traffic) had a stall car, the slow truck in the carpool lane that slowed me to 60mph (who drives that slow in LA?), the bastard that drove too slow to cause me to wait one more light at the LAX exit. All these meeting of events combined caused us to arrive 17 minutes too late to check in. By then we needed to find a place to sleep, a potential to get into a fight from the frustration of today, to reschedule her flight, and of course to figure out what is next.

We finally decided on a place, and because the computer that my friend K lend us at the airport, she was able to reschedule her flight. So what about the dinner or the pink berry? We completed that on Saturday. Because now she could not make her flight, she now has to to meet my family for the first time. Another collision? Well because now I am staying at a hotel, I've decide to change the time of my appointment and the time to eat with my family. Another summary, of what happened. I went to my accountant on Saturday instead of Sunday (which it took longer than I thought and if I were to go by my original plan on Sunday I probably would of missed my flight on Sunday) and we had Dim Sum with my family on Sunday. So how do you introduce to someone when they meeting your family for the first time especially after you got out of a long relationship? Well what if the easiest way to relief the tension is to talk about the unexplained force. Not catching a flight, talk about the trip, and hope the conversation continue on. So basically lunch concluded with D knowing more about me, an intro to the new house that my mom shared with her, and the once thought of the most uncomfortable feeling of meeting the parents just became so natural. Shortly after the lunch, we attempted to return home in just the right time to catch our plane back to SF. No collision or was there one after all?

Ironically after this happened and as I recollect the events this weekend, I discover the pleasant surprise about life and the forces between D and I. When D went on her trip for 4 month we both knew that we really did not know each other very much. We knew that we were attracted to each other, we have a good time together and we seem to just get "IT'. Yet, we also do not know a lot about each other because we had so little time to start introducing the other parts of our lives. The family, the personality when things don't go your way, and the other things that define a little bit of who you are. I couldn't help to wonder how we were going to have a future together if we did not know those things before she left on her trip. What if she return from her trip and I waited for her, we discover that we had our differences in that part of our life? A human brain gets very creative if not too creative when the unknown is ahead and sometime it just needs to know before goes a little further.

Well just over this past couple of days, she got to know my family, I saw how we handle thing when things don't go our way, she saw where I grew up, where I live, and we just found out more about each other. So a collision did occur. One can say that the collision that screw everything up, or the collision that bring the opportunity together, or just that each day we live on the collision of things around us. Sometime we just collide right and it fits. The forces meet and we sit back and smile as we recollect what happened just now.